DEAR ABBY: I have this dilemma. I'm a woman in my 40s with a good job, and I'm told I am a good catch. About six months ago, I moved in with a man I will call Peter. It started as a roommate situation, but then became friends with benefits. We have both agreed we are not a couple.

The problem is Peter has a friend, "Reggie." I like Reggie, and he likes me. We have hung out as a group several times. To the best of my knowledge, Reggie has no idea Peter and I are FWBs.

Reggie recently asked me out to dinner as a date. I can see myself having a real relationship with him, but don't know how Peter will react. Should I accept the invitation? I mean, it's just one date. Also, should I mention it to Peter? -- F.W.B. IN THE SOUTH

DEAR F.W.B.: You and Peter have agreed that you are not a couple. Accept Reggie's offer and be upfront with Peter about it. The only thing that might change would be that Peter will have to find another friend with benefits because the sexual aspect of your relationship with him may be over.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 22-year-old daughter from my first marriage and a 9-year-old son with my husband of 12 years. My husband is 57, and I just turned 41. I would like to have another baby, mainly because I want my 9-year-old son to have someone to grow up with. We have no other family. It's just him and girl cousins, ages 9 and 5. Can you please advise me if my husband and I are OK or too old to have one more child? -- CONSIDERING IT IN THE WEST

DEAR CONSIDERING: I'm glad you wrote. This is something that should be discussed further with your husband to make sure you are on the same page, and also with your OB-GYN.

If your intention is that your children grow up together, this is something that should have happened years ago. As it stands, the 10-year age difference will mean your son will be grown and gone while your younger child is still at home.

A doctor with a specialty in genetics could be helpful as you gather information. It is important that you understand what precautions might be wise to take before making this decision.

DEAR ABBY: I care a lot about what friends, family -- even the general public -- do with their money. Specifically, I promote the benefits of owning a home, but I suspect my efforts to educate them may need a more loving approach. I just don't want people I care about to throw their money away to their landlords. Do I need to be more loving and supportive vs. educating? -- COMMUNITY HELPER IN MICHIGAN

DEAR HELPER: People usually have good reasons for renting instead of buying. If you keep repeating your advice and it's falling on deaf ears, it's fair to conclude your message isn't being appreciated. A saying widely attributed to Albert Einstein is, "Insanity is continuing to repeat an action over and over again but expecting different results." You can volunteer to serve as an adviser, but only if these individuals want to make a change and ask for your help.

DEAR ABBY: For more than four decades, my stepmother, "Vera," and I never got along. We tolerated each other for the sake of my father, who has now passed away. I'm a 60-year-old male reader and unsure how to respond to some recent statements she has been making.

For the record, I and many others always found Vera to be extremely self-absorbed and lacking in empathy. She often treated my father unkindly, bordering on abusive before and during his slow decline with dementia, even though she never had to provide any hands-on care. Yes, I know it's hard to always be patient in these cases, but Dad was never "difficult" or violent -- just forgetful.

I call and visit Vera (who is now 87) occasionally, out of a sense of duty. A few times she has mentioned the unkind things she said or did to my father, not expressing remorse but possibly feeling some guilt.

Thus far, I have ignored these remarks, though I want to let her know I felt sad and angry about how she acted and could never live with myself if I'd treated my seriously ill spouse that way. Should I keep letting it go or express how I really feel? -- GRIEVING SON IN THE WEST

DEAR SON: The next time Vera mentions the unkind things she said or did to your dad, feel free to speak up and let her know that not only did you notice but also how you feel about it. Frankly, it is admirable that you check in on the woman at all considering how you felt about each other all those years. I don't think most people would do as much as you have done under similar circumstances.

DEAR ABBY: I have two wonderful grandparents I love very much. They are the most important people in my life, and I always think about them when planning anything in my life because I want to make them happy.

The problem is I want to go to college out of state and pursue a career that isn't possible in the city or state they live in. They want me to live with them in a city I can't be happy in because of this.

How do I tell them I can't see myself staying there for the rest of my life? I know they won't be happy hearing it, but I don't want to disappoint them or make them think I don't love them anymore by leaving. Please help. I don't know what to do or what path in life to take. -- AT A CROSSROADS IN TEXAS

DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: You ARE at a crossroads. You're standing in the intersection of adolescence and adulthood. You deserve the chance to fulfill your dreams, so it's time for an adult conversation with your grandparents. Explain that you love them and don't want to disappoint them, and outline what your plans are regarding your education and your career. While they may be disappointed, if they love you as much as you love them, they won't stand in your way.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I have been together for four years. I have lost A LOT of people in my life, so I am used to death. She, on the other hand, didn't experience it until two years ago, when she lost her grandfather. The next year, her mother passed, and last year we lost a child -- her oldest -- my stepson.

Abby, she is so lost. She's no longer the same person she once was, and I totally understand that. I'm sad and depressed, too, but she's bad.

I love this woman like I have never loved any other. I can't picture life without her, but lately I have begun to wonder how it would affect me, her and the kids if I left. I'm not equipped to deal with someone else's depression on top of my own. I have been trying, but I'm finding myself getting more and more angry. What should I do? -- TORN IN THE EAST

DEAR TORN: You mentioned that you, too, suffer from depression. Are you receiving treatment for it? If you are seeing a psychologist (and being medicated), discuss this with the person who is working with you. You may need a change in your medication.

It isn't surprising that with so much loss all at once in her life, your fiancee is grieving and depressed. Frankly, while I might suggest she join a support group for help in coping with the loss of her child, she may also need help from a licensed mental health professional.

Although you are tempted, I don't think now is the time to abandon your fiancee and her children. Once she is stabilized, you may not want to leave at all.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-, almost 14-year-old daughter, "Gabbi," is a shining star of responsibility and being self-driven. She also likes nice things.

Gabbi has been babysitting for my sister for several months and has saved almost every penny, which amounts to hundreds of dollars. I'm proud of her discipline. However, I think she should start buying some of her "frivolous wants" herself.

I'm willing to buy her and my other children gifts when I can and on special occasions on my single income, but Gabbi often asks me for $10 here and $10 there. Because it's more than I can afford, I have to say no and see her silent disappointment. I know the simple answer is to not give in, but I want my daughter to learn that it's OK to spend a little on herself here and there. I'm not sure what words to use to convince her. Can you help? -- MOM ON A BUDGET

DEAR MOM: Your daughter is old enough for an honest conversation with her mom. Start by telling her how proud of her you are that she has shown how disciplined and responsible she is because those traits will serve her well in years to come.

Tell her you feel bad about disappointing her when you refuse her requests, but now that she's nearly 14, she's mature enough to understand you are the sole wage earner, money is tight and her frequent requests put a strain on the budget. Then point out that she has saved quite a bit of income from her babysitting, and she should direct some of it toward the items she's asking you for.