DEAR ABBY: Ten months ago, my aunt's 66-year-old live-in boyfriend died unexpectedly. She has no children and is left with a four-bedroom, two-bathroom house to take care of by herself. She has always been in debt (I think), and his final expenses only made it worse.

Since his death, she has expected my family (mostly me) to complete a list of chores every time I visit. I have been asked to hook up her garden hose, plant grass, exterminate bees, replant flowers, vacuum -- even move her boyfriend's ashes from the original bag to a more permanent urn. So far, I have managed to avoid taking care of her pool and cutting her grass, but it's only a matter of time before the neighbors stop doing it for her.

I love my aunt, and she has done a lot for me over the years. I realize she has no kids to take care of her, but I don't think I should be expected to be her lackey for the next 30 years. How do I tell her I can't be responsible for taking care of her house without getting her upset or angry? Is it my place to say something to her mother and siblings? She has been very emotional since the death, and we've all been walking on eggshells, but she won't go to therapy. -- OVERWHELMED NEPHEW

DEAR NEPHEW: Your aunt may not need a therapist as much as she needs a grief support group to help her work through her loss. Her mood swings, which I am sure surge and wane from day to day, are magnified by her money problems. Because the house and yard are now too much for her to handle alone, it might make sense for her to downsize and put the money she gets from selling the place to work for her. Of course, she should run the idea by her attorney or accountant before making any decisions, but it might be the solution -- not only to her problem, but also to yours.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I bought a house and moved in literally the day COVID was announced as a national emergency. I had planned to go around to our new neighbors and introduce ourselves, perhaps with a small gift (I'm a professional baker). That obviously hasn't been possible. We've had some over-the-fence interactions with a couple of neighbors, but I feel bad I haven't reached out to the others.

My husband and I are private, introverted people, but I still want to make ourselves known as approachable. Is it too late? What's the protocol on introducing yourselves to neighbors? Given that everything is in flux and we still don't know if it's safe, I don't want to let that become an excuse to put it off indefinitely. -- NEIGHBORLY IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR NEIGHBORLY: It is not too late. A charming way to introduce yourselves would be to deliver -- or have delivered -- a small plant to each of your neighbors, with a short note explaining that you are new to the community, you are a professional baker and you regret that the quarantine makes it impossible to reach out in a more personal way. Be sure to include your address and phone number.

DEAR ABBY: As we return to work, businesses and expanded health care are opening up after the pandemic shutdown. We all are pretty much required to wear masks anywhere we go these days.

I am a deaf person and rely on lip-reading for communication. Wearing a mask has shut out my contact with the hearing world as far as communication goes. I have been mistreated in more ways than one because masks do not allow me to lip read. When I'm not able to have a sign language interpreter with me, I bring a pen and pad everywhere I go to converse as best as I can.

I am a very patient person; however, people in the public sector are not being patient nor compassionate in helping us deaf individuals. Please understand, we are trying to communicate as best as we can. We simply ask the community to be patient and either lower your mask to respond, or write your response. Yelling through the mask is pointless. -- DEAF IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR DEAF: I can only imagine how frustrating and isolating this has been for you and other deaf people. Reusable transparent masks and masks with clear plastic inserts (windows) are available on the internet. (NPR has posted a YouTube video demonstration.) I would urge anyone who has contact with deaf individuals to go online and check this out. Some are marked, "Hearing Impaired." I have considered buying some, if only so friends and family can see me in my entirety and know without question when I'm being facetious.

DEAR ABBY: I babysit my 1-year-old grandson 40 hours a week while my son and daughter-in-law work nights. They were paying me $80 a week, then suddenly stopped. My son said they might not pay me all the time because they often forget to "debit over" at the store to get the money for me.

I watched the baby for seven hours on Sunday, too, while my son enjoyed a day off. When I asked him if he remembered to debit over, he replied, "Debit over for what?" I said, "For my services." He said, "Services for what?" I said, "Babysitting," and he replied that his wife should have paid me, but she didn't. -- FORGOTTEN IN FLORIDA

DEAR FORGOTTEN: I'm sorry to say this, but your son is a deadbeat who should be ashamed of himself. He could pay you by check or an electronic transfer if he doesn't have the cash on hand. If you need money, find a client who will honor the deal, which will let your son and his wife learn how expensive replacing you will be. (If you decide to let them rehire you, make sure you get the money upfront.)

DEAR ABBY: I want to be a good friend, but I'm at my wits' end. A friend has decided he is going to be a singer-songwriter, and he's terrible. He keeps sending me videos, invitations to watch him perform online concerts, etc. I have tried offering constructive criticism, which he deflects. Now he has recorded a CD, which he wants to send me at his expense. I do not want him to waste his money, and I don't care to waste my time listening to it. Is there a gracious way out of this situation? -- NOT INTERESTED IN THE WEST

DEAR NOT INTERESTED: Yes. Accept the disc, which he is sending at his expense. And when he asks you for a compliment, give him one. In other words, be a friend, not a music critic.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a wonderful relationship and blissfully happy for two years. We live together. When "Scott" and I first got together, he told me he had a felony conviction and that a woman had falsely accused him of rape. I laughed it off because I didn't want to see the truth, but it ate at me badly. Then I finally looked it up via a background check, and it's really bad.

Two months after his ex-girlfriend broke up with him, Scott broke into her house and raped her while she was passed out on prescription sleeping pills. She called the police the next day, and he got a plea bargain, went to jail for 100 days and paid her $20,000 in restitution, probation and the whole thing. Scott still insists it was all her fault and that he is the victim. What do you think? -- SHATTERED IN THE WEST

DEAR SHATTERED: I am so glad you asked. What I think is that you should extricate yourself from a relationship with this disturbed felon as quickly and carefully as you can. That Scott blames his victim for the rape he committed tells me he still has not accepted responsibility for his actions and that he is dangerous. Consider contacting the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (rainn.org; 800-656-4673) for advice on how to safely end it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 55-year-old woman dating a 63-year-old man. Our relationship didn't start out in the best of circumstances eight years ago because he was still in his 25-year marriage. His wife had been living out of state. When she eventually learned about our relationship, she asked for a divorce. The divorce has been final for more than a year.

I understand that he is embarrassed to let his friends know he is now divorced, but his closest friends know. I'm still waiting for a time when I can be a part of his life without hiding, but I'm beginning to feel he has no intention of letting this happen.

He gets irritated and upset with me when I ask if this friend or that knows about the divorce yet. He doesn't want me to meet his friends. Must I just accept that I was never meant to really be a part of his life, even though he tells me he loves me? -- STILL IN HIDING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR STILL IN HIDING: I'm sorry, but I think you may be finally reading the handwriting on the wall quite clearly. If he were proud of this relationship and in love with you, he would be showing you off to his friends, not hiding you. Have you actually seen his divorce papers, and are you absolutely sure that this man is divorced?

DEAR ABBY: I am 64 years old and happily married to a wonderful woman. The problem I'm having is she has a very large family. Most of them walk into our home without knocking. Even if I know they are coming over, it bothers me. I would never, ever walk into any of their homes without a knock. I was raised that you knock before entering, even at my parents' house after moving out on my own. What do you think about this? -- PUT OFF IN FLORIDA

DEAR PUT OFF: Out of respect for your feelings, your wife should have spoken to her family years ago and asked them to either call before dropping in on you or, at the very least, knock. And if it's feasible to keep the doors locked, do it.