DEAR ABBY: I'm a 22-year-old woman who was adopted. I recently started dating an amazing man who happens to be of another race. My parents, whom I love very much, told me that if I stay with him, they will disown me. They have made many horrible comments about my relationship, and I'm at a loss about what to do. I love them, but I also love my boyfriend. Please give me advice. What should I do? -- HOPELESS IN INDIANA

DEAR HOPELESS: You need to figure out which is more important to you, the hope for a future with this amazing man who is new in your life, or your relationship with your parents. It's a tough choice to make, and there are variables to consider. Are you OK with your parents dictating who you can date in terms of race? Is this person as serious as you are about this new relationship? Are you financially and emotionally independent?

Start by making a list of the pros and the cons. Once you are finished, understanding that neither choice will be pain free, you may have a clearer idea of what your decision must be.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years still desires me. I know he has been faithful. He's a wonderful father, has plenty of friends, a warm sense of humor and even in tough times has always managed to be a good provider. We have never wanted for anything.

He is in decent shape for his age, and some women have commented that he is handsome. Yet I recoil at his advances or pretend to be asleep. I feel like I owe him sex since it's part of marriage, and then I resent him because I feel I am letting him down. -- NO DESIRE DOWN SOUTH

DEAR NO DESIRE: You need to figure out whether your negative reaction to your husband's advances is emotional or physical. Have you always felt this way, or is it (relatively) recent?

Hormonal changes as women age can be a reason for lack of libido, and if that's what's causing your problem, it is something you should talk about with your gynecologist because it may be fixable. Start there, because you owe this both to yourself and your husband.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I decided to live together. Although I knew at the time that his cousin and two younger people lived in the house with him, he promised to make sure there was room for me and my 13-year-old son, who has Asperger's. However, things are tense in the house because someone is stealing my things, and no one will admit it. There is also constant fighting about how I should raise my son because everyone in the house has an opinion and wants to be his boss.

I am at my wits' end. I love my fiance, but I can't take much more of the anxiety they put me through. What should I do? -- TORN IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TORN: Have a frank conversation with your fiance about the fact that this living situation isn't working out for you. The two of you should then discuss options. The most obvious would be that some folks need to make other living arrangements -- either you and your son, or the cousin and the two younger people. This doesn't necessarily mean the engagement has to be broken, but things cannot continue as they are.

DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law "Kirk" has issues with closing doors, kitchen cabinets and refrigerator doors. Three times my daughter has had to throw out food because it spoiled. He doesn't close cereal boxes, bags of candy or chips, either.

My husband and I tolerated Kirk's behavior until a recent visit to our home. He again left the door to our garage open, where our inside cat could have escaped. He was rough when opening our recliner, and he also didn't turn the cap all the way down on the seltzer bottle, but I know better than to shake the bottle before checking the cap because I once spilled orange juice everywhere after he failed to tighten the cap.

My daughter says she has known Kirk for 15 years, and he isn't going to change. She says he doesn't focus on the task at hand but is thinking about something else. I suppose she has given up and continually goes behind him to fasten things.

My husband and I feel he doesn't respect our home when he behaves this way. After my daughter spoke to Kirk after his last visit, she has brought our granddaughter over twice, but he stayed home. I feel like both of them think we are making much ado about nothing. -- OPEN-AND-SHUT CASE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR OPEN-AND-SHUT: Has your daughter or son-in-law actually said that to you? You were not wrong to speak up, and it's not much ado about nothing. It is consideration for the property of others. You should have drawn the line after the first time your immature and inconsiderate son-in-law left the garage door open. (Was he stoned during those visits? Distracted by his cellphone?) Address the matter directly with your son-in-law, and consider seeing them at their house instead of yours.

DEAR ABBY: My mom insists on giving my oldest child, "Jim," less money than the other grandchildren because he's my stepson. Jim is 19, and I am the only mother he has ever known since he was 2 1/2. I'm still married to his father, and Jim is part of the family.

I realized what she was doing only last Christmas, when she gave Jimmy $100 and the other 12 grandkids $500 each. (This included my two younger children.) When I asked her why, she couldn't give me a straight answer. I have always regarded Jim as my own and thought she felt the same way. Now I'm no longer sure she's going to leave him an inheritance when she's gone, and I feel crummy about the entire situation. -- LOST IN THE SOUTH

DEAR LOST: I don't blame you for feeling crummy because this is a sad situation. Unfortunately, in some -- not all -- families this happens. Bear in mind the money your mother is gifting is hers to do with as she wishes, and there is nothing you can do to force her to behave more charitably toward Jim. However, you and your husband might consider equalizing it in your own estate plans when the time comes. Have the two of you already talked with an attorney about wills, advance directives, etc.? If you haven't, now may be the time to discuss the subject.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 35 and have been a widower for almost five years. I began dating about two years ago.

In my adventures of dating I have encountered a lot of divorced moms. I met someone very special (I'll call her Rose) a year and a half ago. She's great. We share lots of laughs and goals, but she does something that drives me crazy. She's constantly showing me Facebook memories/photos of her daughter when she was young.

I never got the chance to have children and rarely bring up my past because I feel that's behind me. Rose's ex is "toxic," according to her, and from what I've witnessed, he's pretty bad.

I see her daughter two weeks out of the month. The girl is very spoiled and entitled, and when she's not around, Rose keeps shoving old photos of her in my face and asking, "Isn't she so cute?"

I can't relate, and I don't care for her daughter. Does that make me a jerk? I feel those old photos of her daughter are really her memories with her ex, and it would be just as bad if I showed photos of my late wife and asked, "Isn't she beautiful?" Am I wrong? -- UNPARENT OUT WEST

DEAR UNPARENT: If you plan to continue a relationship with Rose, you are going to have to deal with your feelings about her daughter, some of which may be off base. It is important that you communicate to her the connection you make when you see those photos. The quickest way to work this through would be couples counseling.

If your description of the girl is accurate, then realize that as long as she's a minor, she will be a presence in your household. If you and her mother can't figure out a workable arrangement, you shouldn't waste any more of Rose's time or yours.

DEAR ABBY: "Ron," the guy my best friend, "Stella," is seeing, is a manipulator. My mother was a pro at manipulating and gaslighting, something I recognized after going to therapy as an adult. I know it when I see it.

A month ago, I told Stella what I have observed, and it has escalated to the point that I told her I no longer want to be around him. Ron, who is 40, throws tantrums and threatens to leave when he doesn't get what he wants.

The last time I saw him was at a dinner Stella hosted. I left early after he threw another tantrum. Ron texted me an "apology" that did not address his behavior that night, but something else that happened a week ago. He then tried to guilt-trip me by saying my walking out hurt our friends and that he would stop hanging around because he didn't want them to be hurt like that.

I haven't responded to Ron's "apology" and haven't seen him since. I have seen Stella for lunch once since the incident. Must I accept his apology so everything goes back to how it was, or not see my friend until he is out of her life? -- NOT A FAN OF HIM

DEAR NOT A FAN: You don't "have" to accept Ron's apology any more than you have to accept any other unappetizing "gift" that is offered. But don't stop seeing Stella. From what you have written, she needs a levelheaded friend right now. If Ron acts up again in your presence, leave if he makes you uncomfortable. And while you're at it, tell Stella the reason and ask -- woman to woman -- why she tolerates his childish threats.