DEAR ABBY: After using online dating for almost a year, I have met someone, and it's getting serious. Problem is, during some of our first conversations, he talked about his previous online experiences. One involved a woman who asked him for money and how stupid she must've thought he was. Another time, he told me he couldn't understand how a person could send money to someone they met online and had never met in person.

Well, this person (me), who he thinks is so smart and successful, is one of those who was drawn in by an online person. I sent money several times. I am a well-educated and successful professional who is so ashamed of this that I haven't gone to the authorities. I cut ties with the person to whom I loaned the money. He promised to pay me back, but I haven't seen a penny.

I haven't told a soul I did this. Should I disclose this to my boyfriend? I want to be honest with him, but I also wonder if what's in the past should be left in the past. Please advise me. -- ASHAMED SOUTHERN LADY

DEAR LADY: I see no reason for you to discuss this with the man you are currently seeing, unless it is to enlighten him that even well-educated, successful people can be gullible under the right circumstances. Fortunately for you, you weren't seriously damaged by the person's failure to repay you. (Other intelligent, but trusting, people have suffered irreparable damage.)

Because you feel you were taken advantage of, it couldn't hurt to notify the authorities. Yes it's embarrassing, but human beings make mistakes. If you were preyed upon and the person was a scammer, you might be doing someone else a favor by reporting it.

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter-to-be is an absolute doll. She's perfect for my grandson, and I think they were meant for each other. My concern is her family. They treat her like Cinderella.

She cleans, cooks, does laundry and takes care of her disabled sister. She is 21, but because she's living with her parents until she and my grandson are married, she has to ask permission to go anywhere or do anything. She also believes everything they tell her, which is mostly B.S.

My fear is that her family will interfere with their marriage and expect her to still take care of her lazy relatives. She has told them things will change once she's married, but because she is easily manipulated, they will expect her to continue taking care of their household. How can I convince her to set boundaries without sounding like I'm trying to manipulate her myself? -- ONLY WANTS THE BEST FOR THEM

DEAR ONLY WANTS: Creating boundaries is going to be a new experience for this young woman. While it may eventually be liberating, it probably won't be comfortable in the beginning. Thankfully, she will have your grandson at her side to reinforce her.

Befriend her and listen when she needs to talk. With parents as controlling as you describe, she's going to need all the support and validation she can get. When she needs to strengthen her backbone, remind (don't lecture) her that as a married woman, her first priority must be her husband and -- if they are blessed with any -- her children, and repeat that important message often.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are expecting our second child. We are facing a moral decision based on choosing his name.

My wife's cousin sadly had a late-term miscarriage two years ago. The name they were going to give their baby is coincidentally the same first and middle name that we have chosen for our child. We have wanted this combination of first and middle names for years, well before her cousin had her misfortune.

In our case, the middle name is in honor of my wife's father. The first name is just one we have always liked and, frankly, we cannot think of any other names we like more. Is it immoral or even unkind to name our child the same as her cousin's child? Should we consider a different name to avoid causing them pain? -- RESPECTFUL IN HAWAII

DEAR RESPECTFUL: Please try harder to find a different first name for your baby. Although it would not be immoral to give your little one the same name(s) as this cousin's stillborn baby, if this woman interacts with you at all, it will cause her pain. Even though no one "owns" a name, to use these two would be extremely insensitive.

DEAR ABBY: I shared some information with my grandson about his mother that I shouldn't have. He repeated it to her during an argument, and now she's angry with me. I apologized, but it has not been acknowledged or accepted. Our relationship has always been tenuous and, frankly, it's not a big deal for me. She will get over it, but she's enjoying holding it over my head and being the victim.

They're moving into a beautiful house this weekend. My son told me he can't wait for me to see it, and he's sure it won't be long before I'm allowed to come out and visit. What would you do? I'm thinking of buying an olive tree. They're in style, and it would be my way if extending an olive branch. I will take it over when I know my son is there. Good idea? -- BIG MOUTH IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR BIG MOUTH: It's cute, but an olive branch and another sincere apology might be less expensive and go over better. It might even last longer than a tree in her brand-new yard that reminds her of something unpleasant.

DEAR ABBY: I have a miniature dachshund, "Snoopy," that I take on walks in the neighborhood. I am very good about picking up any deposits that he makes. One neighbor has asked that I not allow him to use her yard for either No. 1 or No. 2 while on his walks. Is this unreasonable or, more to the point, practical?

Anybody who has ever had a dog knows that stopping a dog and picking him up the second he lifts his leg or squats will quite often result in disaster. Again, I'm very good about picking up his deposits and have never left anything in her yard. What say you? -- RESPONSIBLE PET GUARDIAN

DEAR GUARDIAN: Dogs do not urinate just to relieve themselves. They also do it to leave "messages" for other dogs. Snoopy would have less of an urge to go in that woman's yard if other dogs had not already signed in. I feel for that poor homeowner because, if enough dogs use her lawn as a post office, they could destroy it. Also, when dogs defecate, traces can be left behind, which make it very unpleasant for those who take care of the landscaping. Please try to do as she has requested.

P.S. If the homeowner had written me about this, I would have advised her to fence her property if it is allowed by the homeowners association.

DEAR ABBY: We were friendly with our next-door neighbor, who owned a contracting company, and we hired him to renovate our bathroom. At the time, we thought he did a wonderful job. It looked beautiful. Unfortunately, he didn't set the tub correctly, and a slow leak was happening underneath it. Three years later, our kitchen ceiling came down. We had to pay $10,000 to repair the damage, and the entire tub and shower had to be removed and redone.

We talked with our neighbor about it, and he seemed apologetic, but after speaking with his wife, who is a lawyer, he told us our options are to "eat it" or sue him. We did sue him.

The case was dismissed prior to trial on a technicality, and the judge suggested we refile with a lawyer. We had tried to represent ourselves in small claims court, and the judge said it's difficult to do when the opposing side has a lawyer. I have so much anger and resentment toward them that when I see them my heart pounds.

Our other neighbors are on our side. They all say the couple will move, but if they don't, can you give us any advice on how to deal with this if we choose not to refile a lawsuit? He knows he completed this part of the job wrong, but his wife won't let him do the right thing. I'm blown away by the lack of ethics from people we regarded as friends. They have now cut ties with the entire circle of friends in our neighborhood over this. -- THE RIGHT THING IN THE EAST

DEAR THE RIGHT THING: Do not blame only the wife for what happened; her husband is her willing partner. They are equally ethically challenged, not to mention shameless, so don't count on them moving any time soon.

Because you are reluctant to incur the expense of hiring a lawyer to represent you in court, consider reporting the husband to the Better Business Bureau and the state contracting license board. If you do, it may save another family from experiencing the frustration and monetary loss you have.

DEAR ABBY: I feel like I do better on my own. I don't want kids, I don't want a husband, and I don't want commitment. I have accepted that I'm better by myself, but my mother, who is religious, is still convinced that I will want a kid one day. She feels she "knows" this, even though I have told her many times that I wouldn't be able to handle a husband or children. I have done my best to grin and bear it, but I feel guilty for disappointing her by not fulfilling her fantasy about my having a breadwinner husband and being a trophy wife with perfect kids.

It's not that she won't get to be a grandmother. She already is, but my sister isn't perfect, and I don't like that Mom wishes me to be what the rest of my siblings couldn't be. Also I can tell the idea of my being bisexual makes her queasy. She is still in denial.

What can I do when she says things like she can't wait until I have a husband or a kid of my own, or when she makes the same irritating face whenever anything about anyone's sexual orientation is mentioned? -- LIKES IT SOLO IN TEXAS

DEAR LIKES IT: Because you have told your mother repeatedly that marriage and parenthood aren't what you want, when she brings it up, change the subject. Do not allow her to make you feel guilty for wanting to live your life the way you see fit. It is your life, not hers, and you were not put on this earth to fulfill her fantasy or make up for your sister's deficits.