DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 15 years. Before we married, I purchased a house. He moved in a month after our wedding and made a lot of improvements to it. We are now in the process of doing more renovations.

His mom moved in with us two months ago. Before she moved in, the plan was to take the downstairs -- which has a living room and a bedroom -- and convert it to a bedroom and a room leading out to a patio to have another entrance to our swimming pool. But she wants to decorate that room with her furniture and use it when her friends and family visit her.

My husband says, "She is 77. She doesn't have many more years left, so let her do what she wants." He always adds, "I can tell her she isn't wanted and find somewhere for her to go, but I don't know where it would be." I have always given in, but he doesn't see it that way.

Should I let someone come into my house and redecorate it differently than how I want it? Please let me know if I am being selfish like he says. -- INVADED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR INVADED: Let me get this straight: Your mother-in-law will occupy the downstairs of your home while you and your husband occupy the upstairs? If she wants to decorate her bedroom and the room in which she entertains her visitors, it won't be a reflection of your taste, and frankly, it shouldn't be. It is understandable.

What is clear to me is that you really don't want her living under your roof. Because your husband can't -- or won't -- do the research to find reasonable alternatives for his mother, the task of finding something suitable is yours.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is terminally ill with cancer and hasn't long to live. I would like to ask friends that, in lieu of flowers, they make donations to a scholarship fund for three very precious granddaughters who have spent most every day of their young lives with him. They are 10, 8 and 5. He has been their caregiver.

However, we have other grandchildren who are grown and have graduated from college, and great-grandchildren who are the same ages as these three granddaughters. I am afraid of offending these grandchildren by not including their children. Is asking for a memorial donation tacky of me to ensure these three granddaughters who have been so close to him are provided for? -- PROVIDED FOR IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR PROVIDED: Your adult, college-educated grandchildren should be able to provide for their children without help from you. I assume there is a reason your husband has been the caregiver for the grandchildren whose future you are concerned about. If you and your husband would like to request that friends skip the flowers and contribute to a college fund for them, it's your privilege. And if you get flak for it, you should explain the reason why.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of 15 years is in prison. We have two children together. Our relationship has been rough. We had a fight, and he went to jail for it. Another reason he went to prison is he violated his probation and failed to report.

I take the kids to see him, and he still wants us to be together. He has nowhere to go when he gets out. How do I tell him I don't want him back at my house without him retaliating on me? -- AFRAID IN TEXAS

DEAR AFRAID: This is how. Tell him plainly that because of the circumstances that sent him to jail, you no longer want him living under your roof. It's bad for the children. Therefore, he will be finding other living arrangements when he is released.

He may not like it, but please remember you owe him nothing. You have to stand your ground for your children's sake. Should he stalk or threaten you in any way, go to the police. Tell them you are afraid of him and why, and ask about a restraining order because he is violent.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I eat a meal, as soon as he's finished he gets up and wanders around. We call that the "wandering" phase of his meal. I have asked him to no avail to stay seated and talk with me. I think it is disrespectful.

My husband also pulls out his phone when we are out with friends. I have told him that what he's doing is basically telling them he would rather see what's on his phone than converse with them. He doesn't do it for the entire meal, but when he does, it irritates me. How can I get basic manners across to him? -- LONELY AT MEALTIME

DEAR LONELY: I knew a person years ago who had an impulse control problem similar to the one you describe your husband having. The man had been in an auto accident and suffered a traumatic brain injury. In your husband's case, it appears he either has attention deficit disorder or "suffers" from a lack of consideration for your feelings. There is help for the former, but you can't teach basic manners to someone who doesn't want to learn. You have my sympathy. Try not to let it give you heartburn.

DEAR ABBY: I work as a parcel clerk in a major retail store. The biggest part of my job is returning shopping carts from the parking lot to the lobby. Shoppers have a habit that makes my job a lot harder than it needs to be, so I want to get this message out to as many people as possible:

PLEASE push your shopping cart all the way into the next one when you put it away. I'm not asking you to bring your cart all the way back to the store. Just remember that each cart can nest into the one in front of it.

You have no idea how much faster I could do my job if everybody did this. Thank you for helping get the word out. -- PLEA FROM THE PARKING LOT

DEAR PLEA: Glad to help. And as long as we are on the subject of shopping carts, may I add that those cute little straps that are meant to secure small children in the upper compartment of the cart tend to get caught and lock the carts together if folks are careless after they unhook their children. It can be next to impossible to untangle those carts. I speak from experience.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a contentious relationship with our grandchildren. He generally is a fun, happy and interesting person. But by nature he is not "hands on" when it comes to children.

Our son and daughter have great spouses and five young grandsons. He stands around like a warden waiting for something to happen, then just yells at them. It is clear he doesn't enjoy being with them, and their mood changes from happy to surly when he's around. I enjoy doing things with them and taking them to lots of fun places, and I know my husband doesn't like to go anywhere with them.

I have had two major talks trying to encourage him to have a positive, interactive relationship with the boys, to no avail. He reacts as if I'm the only one who sees this. My sister, son and daughter-in-law have talked to me about it, but I haven't told my husband. Should I just drop this issue? -- DOING THE WORK OF TWO

DEAR DOING: Your husband may or may not be capable of changing. However, the next time your sister, son and daughter-in-law talk to you about the negative message your husband is sending the grandchildren, please tell them they are talking to the wrong person. They should take this up with "Grandpa Grump," and you should not be forced into the position of being the messenger.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 22 weeks pregnant. This will be our first grandchild, and we were excited to be hosting the baby shower for her. Unfortunately, her in-laws got involved. We were told they were mostly in charge and we should butt out, and my daughter will host her own shower. She sent us a message stating that they don't want the shower to be a "burden or financial strain on us," so we can come only as guests.

We never ever said anything about finances or anything. We were excited about the shower and couldn't wait to start this amazing journey. What do we do? Do we still go as grandparents, as guests or stay away? We are not allowed to help with anything, but we were told to contribute to the food. -- STUNNED IN SOUTH AFRICA

DEAR STUNNED: Contribute what food exactly? A box of crackers? A fruit salad? Money? I don't blame you for being upset. It certainly looks like you have been pushed aside.

Did your daughter send you that message or did her mother-in-law? I ask because it is considered a breach of etiquette for an honoree to throw her own shower. Talk to your daughter. However, do not allow this to drive you away. Attend the shower. If you don't attend, it may be the beginning of an estrangement.

DEAR ABBY: Is it OK for me to be carrying my boss's belongings to his car at the end of his workday? Is it acceptable for me to be making his coffee a certain way and picking up his lunch? I was hired as a second administrative assistant, but I feel more like a maid/servant/slave. It's 2020! I don't think women should be treated like this anymore. Any advice? -- UNCERTAIN IN THE EAST

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Absolutely. Have a chat with your employer and review what your duties are supposed to be. Nowhere in your letter is it apparent that your boss is singling you out for these tasks because you're female. If you had proof this was the case, it would be another matter. Because you find these tasks demeaning, consider looking for another job because this may not be the place for you.