DEAR ABBY: We are expecting our first child after many years of struggling with infertility. We are overjoyed, to say the least.

I have a wonderful parent who used to be my father but who now identifies as a woman I'll call "Grace." She's a supportive, loving, wonderful parent, and always was.

The problem is, the rest of the family has yet to see her transition. They are aware of what has happened, but are not comfortable with it. One family member keeps insisting that Grace is not transgender, just "confused." She says that if she ever saw Grace dressed as a woman, she would laugh.

When it comes to a celebration for our bundle of joy, how do I handle this? I can't imagine having the celebration without Grace, and I wouldn't dream of asking her to dress as a male because I know how uncomfortable she would be. But I'm afraid if she attends, none of the other family will come because they are so uncomfortable. -- TRANSPARENT IN NEVADA

DEAR TRANSPARENT: Grace is not "confused." People do not change their gender identity on a lark. The transition is time-consuming and difficult. Grace deserves to be treated with compassion and common courtesy. Make this clear to your family members. If you feel that one or more of them would be so rude as to ridicule your parent, strike them from your guest list.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has not been in good health for years. He had an accident in 2007 in which his left arm was broken. The doctor did many surgeries over seven years, but he had to have it amputated in 2014.

Ten months ago, he suffered a debilitating stroke in the left lobe of his brain. He now has aphasia, the inability to use his right hand and arm, a loss of balance and he cannot walk unassisted. He must have help in all areas of daily living. I placed him in a rehab center, then into a nursing home.

The problem is, I feel so guilty about leaving him there. He isn't happy and he blames me for keeping him there. I visit as often as possible, but it isn't often enough for him I am sure. I am so disappointed. This is not the life that I had planned. Would you please tell me how to stop blaming myself, and how to accept this situation? -- SORRY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SORRY: My heart goes out to you and your husband. Not everyone is so fortunate as to live the life they have planned. If you haven't already done so, it may be time to reach out to your Area Agency on Aging and talk to someone there about what emotional support services may be available near you. The Eldercare Locator, which is sponsored by the U.S. Administration on Aging, is another resource.

Counseling can help you learn to accept this "new normal" and lessen your feelings of guilt for making a decision that, while not pleasant, is what your husband now requires so his needs are met. It will, however, be your responsibility to stay close and ensure that happens.

DEAR ABBY: There is conflict between two of my four adult children. They no longer speak to one another over some silly, childish issues. Should I, as the parent, interfere and try to resolve these issues? -- PEACEMAKER IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR PEACEMAKER: Resist the urge to "interfere." Your desire to patch things up is understandable, but because your children are adults, it should be up to them to resolve their differences without your intervention.

DEAR ABBY: I am a big fan and read your column daily. I am writing because I have a very hard time making conversation. I read your mother's booklet which suggests asking people questions about themselves to stimulate dialogue.

Apparently, I am doing something wrong because family and friends accuse me of "interrogating" them. I'm not! I am truly just trying to chat. I have also failed several job interviews, so I must be missing something.

What's the correct way to have a conversation? How many questions are too many? How do I make amends to the people who aren't speaking to me anymore? I honestly never meant to offend anyone. Thank you very much for your help. -- IGNORANT, NOT INTERROGATING

DEAR "IGNORANT": You may have taken my late mother's advice too literally. What she was trying to convey is that people are usually attracted to those who find them interesting, and asking a question is a conversation opener and a way to draw someone out.

However, conversations are supposed to be an exchange of information. Because people accuse you of "grilling" them, you may be asking a barrage of questions without giving anything back. A better example of a conversation starter might be:

Q. "How was your weekend? We went skiing on Sunday afternoon." Then describe something that happened. (Saw the cutest family, got a nasty sunburn, etc.)

Or:

Q. "Did you hear about (insert news item). I was really surprised (shocked, fascinated, etc.)." Express how it affected you and ask what the person thinks about it.

Then listen.

You may have better luck with this approach.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 10 years. I lost my job and have had no luck finding one in our small Florida town or the surrounding area, so I started looking elsewhere. I found a great opportunity in Nashville and got the job. It meant I had to move, but my husband refused to move with me. He's a technician so he can work anywhere.

We both used to live in Nashville -- it's actually where we met. I couldn't pass up the job because I'm 53 and may not get another opportunity like this.

It has been eight months and we are still living in two different states. I'm happy in Nashville because I visited often after we moved away and I always missed it. Not only do I not want to leave, I can't afford to.

I never stopped looking for a job in Florida, but there aren't any that pay anywhere close to what I'm earning here. My husband could be making at least $20,000 more a year here if he moved, but he absolutely refuses. I'm not sure what to do. I love and miss him. He rarely visits me. I must go to Florida if I want to see him. Help! -- LONG-DISTANCE LOVE

DEAR L.D.L.: It appears you have an important decision to make. What is more important to you, your marriage or the money? That you want more financial security is understandable. You need to understand exactly why your husband has taken the stance he has. Once you have the answer to that question, you will have a better understanding of what you need to do. A trusted mediator may be able to help the two of you to improve your communication.

TO MY READERS: I wish you all a joyous and meaningful Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone!

DEAR ABBY: I have a 4-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl and I'm worried. My husband bullies our son, "Jake." We often go to a park with swingsets near our home. Jake runs to the swings, gets on, and then my husband pushes it so hard, Jake screams in fear. People sitting on the benches stop talking and turn toward us. If I do what I can to stop this, my husband pushes me. I see him giggling low and his eyes flash with his head bent slightly down.

My husband is not a young father. I'm worried he will continue to bully Jake in other ways as he grows. My husband is a small man with feminine features and a shy demeanor. He has told me how some of his older brothers bullied him, and how girls in the neighborhood called him derogatory names.

I suspect he bullies our son to get even with what happened to him back then. Knowing him, I don't think counseling will be an option. I feel I must either live with him at my son's expense, or leave. Do you have any advice for me? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE U.S.

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Talk to your husband and tell him his behavior is hurting the boy and it must stop. Does the bullying only occur in the park? If so, avoid going to the park with Daddy.

I'm concerned about your statement that he "pushes" you if you try to intervene. If you mean it literally, that is spousal abuse. Deliberately frightening a child is also abuse, which may indeed escalate as the boy grows older. Some sessions with a licensed psychotherapist could be helpful for you in determining what your next steps should be. Divorce may be the surest way to protect both of your children.

DEAR ABBY: My late husband refused to wear a seat belt. One day a truck hit him. He was thrown around hard inside the car and spent a month in the hospital. An X-ray showed the back of his brain was mush. He was mentally disabled for the rest of his life and needed care 24/7. It was such a waste. He had been a teacher with a master's degree in education.

My grown children helped me to take care of him. They were heartbroken. This was a tragedy that could have been avoided. It happened only because he didn't take a few seconds to fasten his seat belt.

Please print this as a reminder to your readers, Abby. -- COMMON SENSE CALIFORNIAN

DEAR CALIFORNIAN: I am truly sorry for your family's pain. Too many people, drivers and passengers, choose to ignore the seat belt laws.

As your letter illustrates, they do so at their own peril. Every traveler, whether in the front or back seat, should buckle up. I'm glad you shared this because so many people are on the road during the holidays. I hope your family's tragic experience will give them the "nudge" they need.

DEAR ABBY: My son recently married his longtime partner, "Kurt." They are coming to visit soon. How should I introduce "Kurt" to people now? Do I use the word "husband," "partner" or something else? -- LOST FOR THE WORD

DEAR LOST: Many gay men use "husband" or "spouse" when referring to the man to whom they are married. But, to be sure, ask your son and Kurt which title they would prefer you to use.