DEAR ABBY: My husband and I belong to a singing group. Another member of the group is a very nice widow in her 70s everyone loves. We know she's lonely, and we have tried fixing her up with good men who are also alone. Things have never worked out.

A few months ago, a man who is an excellent pianist came into our group. He's around 40 and has a girlfriend who comes with him. Our friend has fallen for him in a big way. It has changed her whole attitude and messed up our friendship because she talks only about him all the time. He has given no indication that he's interested in her in any way.

My husband thinks she may be going into dementia because of the way she's acting. We both want to bring her back to reality, but she refuses to admit she has changed. She says WE have changed and accuses us of not wanting her to be happy. Abby, we have always wanted her happiness, but we have given up on how to deal with her obsession. She's very defensive about "him" and insists he'll come around in time. How can we help her accept the truth? -- WORRIED ABOUT HER

DEAR WORRIED: You can't! Quit trying to live this woman's life for her, and you will all be happier. She's an adult, even if right now she's acting like a teenager. That she's able to feel romantic feelings for someone -- available or not -- is a step in the right direction. She will come to understand that her piano man won't "come around" in her own time and without your help.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently watching a talk show where the topic of discussion was a couple who brought their 4-year-old to an open house. While they were there, the child broke an expensive piece of art. The parents refused to pay. The panel was split, with three saying the parents were at fault and two saying that if you invite people to your home, you shouldn't put out valuable things. What do you think?

Something similar happened to us when we invited some relatives to our home for a family get-together. One of the nephews kept taking barware and banging our crystal glasses together. His parents never said a word. It continued until the child broke two of them. The parents' response was, "You will learn to put things up if you want to keep them!" What about teaching your children to leave things alone? Or, if you don't want to monitor your kid, hire a babysitter! -- STILL STEAMED

DEAR STILL: Putting aside for a moment the fact that the glasses were expensive to replace, your nephew could have seriously cut himself when he broke them. That the parents would ignore what their son was doing -- putting himself in a dangerous situation -- and not intervene was irresponsible. As to whose fault it was that the objects were broken, I think it lies squarely with all of you for not immediately putting an end to it.

DEAR ABBY: My niece, "Vicki," will be 18 in a few days. She works part-time and has started college. Her mom, my sister, lost her husband last year.

Vicki did some research on finding herself the right pet because my sister has allergies. With her own money, Vicki purchased a little garter snake.

Unknown to us, Grandma had an incident with a snake as a child. Grandma has now threatened to never visit Vicki! She said, if anyone gets sick, don't call her. Vicki now feels she must choose between Grandma and her pet, and she's heartbroken.

My niece doesn't drink, sleep around or use drugs. All she wanted was something to love after losing her father. We don't think her grandmother should make her choose, feel guilty or threaten a fractured relationship. Please advise. -- SUPPORTIVE AUNT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR AUNT: Grandma's reaction is extreme, to say the least. A compromise would be for everyone to agree that when Grandma visits, Vicki's garter snake will be kept out of sight and confined to its little "herpetarium." But if Grandma can't accept that, Vicki will have to visit Granny at her house.

DEAR ABBY: How do you let friends know that you've outgrown them without hurting their feelings? I have a couple of friends I would rather not socialize with anymore. I feel I have changed and grown into a different person. I'm sure these people will confront me one day about why I don't return their calls or want to do things with them anymore. I don't want to hurt their feelings or have an unpleasant confrontation with them. Can you help? -- OUTGROWN IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR OUTGROWN: Not returning phone calls is rude, but no law says that you are obligated to return them immediately. A reason might be that you are busy. People are legitimately busy these days. If you are challenged about why you are less available, an honest answer might be, again, that you are busy or the activity is of less interest to you than it used to be.

Relationships do not always remain static. But no one has a right to create an unpleasant confrontation because you are not at their beck and call. If you are cornered, it is all right to reply that you feel you have changed, it's nothing personal, but you don't wish to hang out as often as before.

DEAR ABBY: My boss often naps at work. I find it disconcerting. When clients call on the phone, I have to tell them he is "not available." He also seems distracted and isn't following through on work that needs to be done. I could never take a nap at work. Have you any suggestions on how I can handle this situation? -- ALERT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ALERT: You are not your employer's monitor, and your own sleeping habits do not enter into this. There could be more than one reason why he needs his naps. What he does in his private office is not your business. Handle the situation by doing as you have been instructed and refraining from being judgmental.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 24 years and have two daughters, 18 and 14. I'm in a business with my husband and work six days a week. We don't take vacations, go on date nights or spend time together outside of work.

I have had my own bedroom for 15 years because he needs his sleep (he is 15 years older). Our sex life ended two years ago because he says I'm too heavy. (I should lose 40 pounds and so could he.) I do my best to take care of dentist and doctor appointments for the kids, cook healthy meals, prepare for the holidays, drive school carpool, etc.

I feel unappreciated, taken for granted and trapped. He complains that I'm not giving him attention, but then he'll comment on my appearance or criticize me for small tasks that I didn't do "his" way.

I'm tired and overworked. Is it wrong to want to divorce him and be free of this loveless marriage? I cannot picture living this boring, unfulfilling life for the next five or 10 years. I have fantasized about a life without him every single day for the last year.

I don't claim to be perfect -- I'm patient and easygoing to a fault. But he has had two affairs and blames me for them. I have been here for the business and the kids, but what about me? I have been going to night school to take up nursing as a new career to support myself as a backup plan.

I know what I need to do, but I guess I'm looking for validation. There's got to be more to life than what I'm living. -- FED UP IN MICHIGAN

DEAR FED UP: I agree. That you think you will be happier apart from a spouse who deprives you of companionship and affection, cheats, blames you for it and criticizes you regularly is understandable. Under these circumstances, your feelings are valid. However, before making any announcements, schedule an appointment with an attorney who can guide you in what steps to take to protect yourself.

DEAR ABBY: "Cheryl" has been one of my best friends for a very long time. She has helped me through many issues and even some depression over the years, as I have done for her. We live several states apart and talk on a daily basis. Neither of us is dating now, although we both use dating apps and websites.

Lately, Cheryl has been asking me to help her sort through her messages. It has become torture for me because I have begun having romantic feelings for her. I don't know if it would be fair to tell her how I feel about her because of the geographical distance. I know she won't move to be with me because she helps to take care of her father, who lives with her.

I wouldn't have an issue with moving there, but I don't want to make that decision unless I know her feelings are similar. I also don't want to risk losing a friend. I'm not sure if I should just bury these feelings and say nothing, or let her know. Please help. -- CONFLICTED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR CONFLICTED: The first thing you should tell your friend is that you are not comfortable sorting through her messages. When she asks you why, explain that after these many years of best friendship, you have begun to develop romantic feelings for her. How she reacts will help you to determine what -- if anything -- to do next. Right now, you are in limbo. She may or may not reciprocate your feelings. But if she doesn't, you will be emotionally free to find love elsewhere.