DEAR ABBY: My 40-year-old daughter, "Marta," and I are widows. I'm retired, and my daughter has a small home-based business. She and her three children live with me. Because the cost of living is high in our city, living together has allowed us to pool our resources and co-parent my grandkids.
Marta has had a boyfriend for a year and a half. I have not warmed to him. He has four kids by a previous girlfriend or wife. The youngest is 18 months old. He works at a grocery store, and I just don't see a viable future for my daughter with him.
My dilemma: She sneaks him in, and he spends the night several nights a week. Marta never asked my permission. I guess she assumed it is OK. To me it is unseemly and untrustworthy on both their parts. It sends the wrong message to my grandchildren. My mistake was not having said anything to her the first time it happened. How should I proceed now? -- BOTHERED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR BOTHERED: Proceed by having an adult conversation with your daughter and tell her exactly how you feel about this arrangement. While whether or not the boyfriend is good enough for Marta is not your decision to make -- face it, she's 40 now -- the talk may clear the air. If her sex life is important to her, she may opt to look for another place to live, so don't be surprised if she does.