DEAR ABBY: My wife of 36 years has never introduced me to a restaurant, bought concert tickets or planned a vacation. She seldom suggests movies she wants to see or introduces me to any form of music. She claps her hands like a little girl when I say we are going out for ice cream, a walk or to a festival.

I have encouraged her repeatedly over the years to be a more active participant in our relationship and to be my partner. Nothing changes. If not for my encouragement, she would have never gotten her degree, gone to concerts or on vacations or experienced life. I plan everything. To her credit, she's willing to go anywhere and do almost anything, but I'm increasingly resentful that my wife acts more like a daughter than a partner. I have been trying desperately for years to accept this, but I'm sick of it. -- TIRED OF IT IN OHIO

DEAR TIRED: Your wife appears to be a follower rather than a leader. You should have raised this issue a long time ago and included her when you were planning outings. Because the status quo is no longer working for you, you must tell her exactly what you have put in your letter. And while you are at it, show her HOW to do the research so she can suggest things to do, and things may improve. But do not blame her entirely because some of it may rest with you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are arguing about what college our son, "Wyatt," should go to next year. I think it should be our son's decision to choose the college with the degree program he wants. My husband disagrees. He wants our son to leave the nest, explore the world and become more independent. My husband says Wyatt is a "mama's boy" and too reliant on me.

Wyatt wants to go to our local university, which offers the degree program he wants. He said: "I can go to the local school. You and Dad won't have to pay room and board or out-of-state tuition, and I can keep my job and help pay for groceries or help with tuition."

For some reason, that statement means nothing to my husband. He wants Wyatt out of the house. Should I let my husband duke it out with our son because I have already stated my opinion more than once, or keep arguing that Wyatt should pick the college? This whole thing is stressing our son out because he wants to please his father, and I'm tired of my husband coming down on me for how I raised our son. -- CHALLENGED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR CHALLENGED: I have to wonder if there is some other issue going on between your husband and your son that you didn't mention. Wyatt appears to be thinking logically. He's working and has offered to contribute to the household expenses. Many parents would be thrilled their son chose a school nearby. That your husband would label your son a "mama's boy" and toss him out of the house is not helpful; it is hostile. Criticizing you for the way Wyatt has been raised is a cheap shot.

Before making up your mind, talk to Wyatt's guidance counselor at school. If the person knows your son, it could prove helpful to hear his or her perspective.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 30 years. He is my high school sweetheart and my best friend. We enjoy each other, and I thought we had a great relationship. Occasionally, we "spice up" our sex life to keep things interesting. At his request, I have sexted him a few times with the understanding that he delete the photos once he has viewed them.

Well, the other night around 3 a.m., I heard his phone dinging over and over again. He was asleep so, thinking it was our daughter trying to reach us, I looked at it. To my horror, he had put pictures of me on a porn site through an app. There were pictures of me in various, unaware stages of nudity -- like in the shower or sleeping in bed -- and people were commenting lewd and disgusting things.

Needless to say, I feel beyond betrayed. My trust in him is broken, and I'm devastated at his behavior. His response is he is sorry and made a mistake. I don't know what to do. I'm considering leaving him. He's remorseful, but I don't understand why he would do this. Help, please. -- PHOTO FINISH IN OHIO

DEAR PHOTO FINISH: You have my sympathy. A good husband would never do what yours did. It was not only a gross invasion of your privacy and an act of deception, but embarrassing and potentially dangerous if someone views the images and recognizes you. What his motives were, I can't guess.

Everything you're feeling is valid. If your marriage is to survive, the trust must somehow be restored. If you plan to stay married to him, a marriage and family therapist may be able to give you more insight. It would be worth your while for the two of you to talk to someone who is licensed, and soon.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I had a horrible loss this year, and we're having trouble dealing with and working through our grief. His ex-wife murdered three of his four children and committed suicide.

We are both young and have been trying to find organizations where we can communicate with other parents who have lost their children, but a lot of group members just seem to want to one-up how tragic their loss was. Do you have any suggestions for online or in-person groups for people with similar experiences? It's hard feeling so alone, and I'm sure there are other parents out there looking for this kind of information. -- ALONE AND GRIEVING

DEAR ALONE: I am sorry for the epic tragedy your fiance experienced, and with which you are both trying to cope. An organization that may be able to help you is The National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children (POMC). Founded in 1978, its mission is to provide support and guidance to all survivors of homicide victims, while working to create a world free of murder. It seeks to make a difference through ongoing emotional support, education, prevention, advocacy and awareness. To learn more, visit its website, which is pomc.org, or call 888-818-7662 or 513-721-5683.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Doug," and I have had a long and happy marriage. We've raised two children, both of whom are doing well in life. I have much to be thankful for, but I keep having to remind myself of that because I'm having trouble adjusting to my changing relationship with my husband.

We have a grandson. The boy has become the focus of my husband's world. Because of that, Doug no longer wants to do things with me. He says he has too much to do or he is too tired to go out, so I go to social events by myself. In fact, I do everything by myself. If our grandson calls, though, Doug has all the energy in the world.

I try to interact with the two of them, but when I do, I feel like a third wheel. Doug no longer compliments me and is rarely interested in being intimate. I have worked hard to take good care of myself, and I try to look nice for him every day. He doesn't notice.

I'm actually starting to resent my grandson -- something I never thought would happen. Do I just carry on and hope things get better? If I should talk to Doug now, how do I do it without sounding petty and immature? -- MARRIED, BUT LONELY

DEAR M.B.L.: Something has gone wrong with your marriage. It appears your husband is using your grandson as a way to buffer himself from you. "Too tired" and "too busy" are excuses, not reasons. If discussing this with him doesn't change things, then it's time to talk to a marriage and family therapist -- or a clergyperson, if you have one -- about what has been going on.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I were first married, he was in the Army, stationed in North Carolina. While we were there, his good friend and Army buddy "Mac" became a close friend of mine. There was an instant connection.

I haven't seen Mac since he got out. It has been nine years, but we remain in touch -- texting, talking on the phone, playing video games together.

Abby, I believe I may be in love with him. It's not something that happened overnight. This is something I have just come to realize. Do I remain friends and keep this secret or tell him I believe I love him? I am not sure how to handle this. -- BLURRED LINES IN TEXAS

DEAR BLURRED LINES: What do you think you have to gain by telling Mac you think you're in love with him? If he says the feelings are mutual, do you plan on leaving your husband? For the sake of your marriage, stop texting, talking and gaming with this man and concentrate on your husband. If you keep playing with fire, your marriage may wind up in ashes.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's third-generation, American-born fiance wants to wear a kilt to their wedding. (His late maternal grandmother was born in Scotland.) His parental ancestry claims French and Romanian roots. My daughter would prefer he wear a formal suit or tuxedo to their evening wedding ceremony and reception, which is in an upscale hotel for 100 guests. What to do? -- TO KILT OR NOT TO KILT

DEAR KILT: I'm glad you asked. Your daughter should lighten up, "allow" her fiance to wear whatever he wants to their wedding and respect his reasons for wanting to do so. Look at it this way: It will make for a memorable wedding.