life

Conference Attendee Wants To Stay Out of the Picture

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 5th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm going to a professional conference, which has the usual presentations, vendors and activities. Every time I go, there's always a photographer. It's annoying. When a photographer sneaks up to take photos, it distracts the presenter. Then the camera is usually swung around to shoot the audience.

I have been photographed many times while I was browsing through the vendors. I have never given my permission to have any of them published. The photos appear on state or national organization websites for viewing by association members (not the general public). What are my rights? Am I the only one who is camera shy? -- TEACHER ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR TEACHER: You are not the only person who dislikes having their picture taken -- particularly without permission. Many others also do. However, if the photographer has been hired by the association sponsoring the event, I don't think you have any choice about being photographed. You might be out of camera range if you sit toward the back of the audience. Or, do what some celebrities do -- wear dark glasses.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Man Pushes Boundaries of Agreement to Be 'Just Friends'

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 5th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Three months ago, I went out on three dates with "Kevin." Then he sent me a text saying he didn't feel I could offer him the relationship he is looking for, but he wants to remain friends because he has fun with me. I agreed, and we've gotten together many times since and communicate often.

I am not physically attracted to him, but I sense he is attracted to me, and it makes me uncomfortable. Since we agreed to be friends, he has invited me over for "movie and cuddle night," put his arm around me, asked to kiss me and booked a hotel room with only one bed and no sofa. It's like I am his placeholder until he finds a real girlfriend, and he wants to spend time with me only out of boredom and loneliness. I don't know how to break things off nicely. -- NOT INTERESTED IN THE WEST

DEAR NOT INTERESTED: I think you have Kevin pegged correctly. Here's how to distance yourself "nicely." Tell him you like him very much. But as a platonic friend only. Explain that kissing, cuddling and sharing a bed are things you do with a boyfriend, and it's time for both of you to move on. Then do it.

Love & DatingFriends & Neighbors
life

Son Won't Pay His Part of Insurance Bill

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 5th, 2019 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I added my 37-year-old son to my insurance policy because it would cost him almost double if he went on his own. The problem is, I struggle every month getting him to send me the money so I can pay the premium. He promises to send it but never does. What should I do? -- CAN'T AFFORD IT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CAN'T: Give your irresponsible son a date by which you expect to have the money each month for his share of the premium. Tell him that if the money is not there when it's time for you to send the payment that you will drop him from your insurance. Make sure he understands that this is not an idle threat, and if he doesn't follow through, take him off the policy.

Family & ParentingMoney
life

Dad Weighs Possible Pitfalls of Hosting Son's Teammates

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 4th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old son plays on a local travel sports team. Many of his teammates could be considered lower class or lower middle class. We live in a luxurious home. We don't flaunt it, and we're not snobbish. All of the kids and the parents get along, and socioeconomic status plays no role in our interactions.

My son invited a few of his teammates over for a few hours, and from the expressions on their faces, it was clear they had never seen a home like ours. They behaved like perfect gentlemen and were a pleasure to have over.

My mother suggested that it would be better not to invite the boys over again because it isn't fair to them. Her concern is that it might make them feel bad because they have so much less than we do. While I understand her point of view, I also think it can be beneficial for them to see what the possibilities are in the world if you work hard and are successful. Perhaps it will inspire them to do better in school, go to college, etc.

Of course, the primary purpose for their coming over was just for friends to spend time together and have fun. What do you think of these potential unintended consequences? -- SPORTS DAD IN THE SOUTH

DEAR DAD: I disagree with your mother. If your son and his teammates enjoy being together in addition to the time they spend doing their sports, they should be allowed that pleasure. Your home might be the most logical place to host these gatherings simply because it is large enough to accommodate all of the boys. Because they come from a lower income level doesn't mean they can't forge meaningful -- and lasting -- friendships with your son.

Many successful individuals weren't born with the proverbial silver spoon in their mouths. And many successful individuals did not attend college. They went to trade and tech schools and provide themselves and their families with very comfortable lifestyles.

TeensMoneyEtiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors
life

Battle With Cancer Took Precedence Over Wedding Thank-You Notes

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 4th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My daughter married a man last spring. One week after their honeymoon, he was diagnosed with Stage 4 metastasized colon cancer. After eight months of doctors, hospitals and chemo, he passed away.

They never had an opportunity to write thank-you notes for their wedding gifts. My daughter feels it is not appropriate now. I feel she should do it, saying something like, "Before my husband passed away, we enjoyed this gift very much." She said to ask you. What is your opinion? -- WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: It is always appropriate to thank people for their kindness. Since you asked my opinion, I agree that your daughter should write short notes to the people who gave her wedding gifts and tell them she would have written sooner, but she is still grieving the loss of her husband. Then she should thank them for their generosity. The rules of etiquette do not require her to say more than that. When you discuss with her what I have written -- as I am sure you will -- please convey to her my deepest sympathy.

Marriage & DivorceDeath
life

Teen Braces for Blowback Over Becoming a Vegetarian

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 3rd, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl who wants to become a vegetarian. I don't exactly know why. I only know I want to stop eating meat and choose a healthier alternative lifestyle. I also want to lose weight, which may happen after becoming vegetarian.

There's been a lot going on in my life lately, so I've been stress-eating. I don't hate my body, but I sure don't love it. Every picture I take, I suck in my gut because I'm insecure.

The problem is, I'm not sure how to present this to my family. I'm sure I'll get the annoying, "How could you give up steak/bacon/chicken?" from my dad and sister. Mom will probably be supportive, as she has always encouraged us to eat healthier in general, and she'll most likely help me come up with somewhat of a meal plan.

I realized I wanted to stop eating meat when I was eating bacon and suddenly felt like I wanted to throw up because I was eating something that used to be alive. Basically, I was weirded out.

How do I explain this to my family? Additionally, how can I then get my extended family to understand that I won't be able to eat meat at events such as parties and gatherings? -- FUTURE VEGETARIAN IN NEW YORK

DEAR VEGETARIAN: There is nothing wrong with being a vegetarian, but it is not a guaranteed way to lose weight. Whether or not you realize it, half your letter discusses your lack of confidence about your body. You should definitely discuss it with someone. A counselor at school could be helpful.

Before changing your diet, discuss it with your doctor or a registered dietitian so you can manage it in a healthy way. Also, go online and start researching vegetarianism.

As to your extended family, people can have full social lives without consuming meat or causing inconvenience or discomfort to others. One simple solution would be to ask what will be served and bring something with you to eat if necessary.

TeensFamily & ParentingHealth & Safety
life

Man Maintains Connection to Boy After Relationship With Mother Ends

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 3rd, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I was in an on-again, off-again relationship with a woman for well over a year. She was a single mother, and we took our time introducing me to her son until we were sure we were serious. The boy became very attached to me, and when it ended, he continued to ask about seeing me.

He's 4 now, but he remembers all the things we did. His mother occasionally will let me see him for a day and then disappears for months before repeating. At first I was advised to walk away, but he never forgets. When he sees me, he gets extremely excited, and I consider myself more of an uncle/big brother than anything.

I understand the situation is awkward and probably makes some in her family and mine (my family knows how much I care about him) squirm. But is it wrong that I answer when the opportunity comes, or should I let it go? -- FATHER FIGURE IN FLORIDA

DEAR FATHER FIGURE: Listen to your heart. Seeing the boy occasionally as you have been won't hurt him. It will reinforce that he is important to someone besides his mother. Because you care about him, continue to see him on the basis that your ex-girlfriend has established.

Love & DatingFamily & Parenting

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Forgotten Salves
  • Lucky Squirrel
  • White Dresses
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Sister's Proud Mom Social Media Boasting Rubs LW the Wrong Way
  • Dad Baffled by Son's High-end Car Purchase
  • Grandparents' Executor Liquidates Everything
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal