DEAR ABBY: My sister and I are 42 and 50. Our parents divorced 30 years ago, and Dad has been remarried for about 20 years. Although he lives across the country, we see him twice a year and have what I think is a healthy, strong relationship.

Over the past 10 years, he and his wife have been taking international hiking trips abroad. Before they go they send us their itinerary, copies of their will, power of attorney, etc. in case something were to happen on the trip. It's clear in the will that if Dad dies first, everything gets left to his wife. Then, once his wife passes, whatever remains will be split between her two adult children and my sister and me.

It bothers me that there isn't a provision in the will to leave anything specific to me and my sister if he goes first. After discussing this with my therapist, I found the courage to bring it up with Dad. His response was something along the lines of, "This is what we've decided so 'Judy' has enough to live on after I die."

Is this normal? My friends and husband think this is strange and sad. I feel hurt, but also uncomfortable because it's not "my money," and he's obviously free to do with it as he wishes. I see how generous my husband's parents are with us, and it's in stark contrast to my dad. Advice? -- LEFT OUT IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR LEFT OUT: If by "something specific" you are referring to a personal item, such a watch, a ring, his old pitcher's mitt or bowling ball, I think you should have another talk with your father and Judy. A memento like that would not impoverish her, and it might make you feel better. It's worth a try. If, however, you're referring to a sum of money, accept that their financial assets are theirs to do with as they choose, even if you do not agree with it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in a touchy situation, and I'm not sure what to do. My daughter's getting married soon, and her matron of honor, "Teresa," has caused this. We have known her since she was young. We have taken her many places with us, helped with her bridal shower and with preparations for her wedding.

Teresa had a baby two months ago and brought her to my daughter's bridal shower. When my mom asked to hold the infant, Teresa refused! Now Mom is very upset. This is the same person Teresa used to call "Grandma."

I'm upset about it, too, but Teresa doesn't seem to care. She's afraid of her baby getting "germs." We are not dirty people. It almost feels like since we aren't of use to her anymore, we don't matter. How do we react at the wedding? -- DISSED IN OHIO

DEAR DISSED: If Teresa didn't want her baby exposed to germs, she should not have brought the infant with her to the shower. That said, I do not think her protectiveness was intended to be a personal insult to your family. Be polite and warm when the big day arrives. Because she will be busy with her matron of honor duties at the wedding, she should not bring the child with her because it could divert attention from the bride.

DEAR ABBY: My husband said something very derogatory to my cousin's sister-in-law at a family party. She told my cousin right away. Instead of coming to me, my cousin went to my brothers and sisters-in-law. They confronted my husband and told him he had to tell me or they would. My husband did tell me. Of course, it is now out in the open, and the ramifications have been horrible. My husband has apologized to all parties, which is about all he can do.

The issue is, my brothers and sisters-in-law now hate him to the point that they don't want him around their kids, whom my husband adores. I love my husband, but I love my family too. I worship my nieces and nephews.

I know if I stay and work on my marriage, my brothers and their wives won't support my decision, which will make me unhappy. We will no longer be able to socialize with family as a couple. However, if I walk away from my husband without trying to work on my marriage, I won't be happy either. I'm confused and trying to decide if I stay or go. Please help! -- LOSING EITHER WAY IN NEW YORK

DEAR LOSING: Was what happened at the family party something that happens often? Is your husband a loose cannon, a drunk, a misogynist, a verbal abuser? Has he changed for the worse since you married him? If the answer to these questions is no, in light of the fact that he has apologized to all concerned, I don't think you should give up on your marriage without careful consideration, possibly with input from your spiritual adviser and/or a licensed marriage and family therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I have an invisible injury -- a traumatic brain injury that occurred when I was struck by a car when I was 10. People don't understand my symptoms. When I stumble when I walk, people have accused me of being drunk. When I haven't been able to answer a question right away, I've been called an idiot. Kids have made fun of me in front of my daughter while their parents looked on and smiled in approval. It taught my daughter to be a more understanding and compassionate person.

My injury has made it hard for me to make friends. My memory is shot. I forget names but remember faces. I have tried explaining to people what happened only to be accused of lying. It hurts. I have quit trying to make friends because it's just easier to be on my own.

I guess I'm writing to you hoping to remind people that just because you think you know what's going on with someone does not mean that you do. -- MISUNDERSTOOD

DEAR MISUNDERSTOOD: I'm printing your letter because it is an important one. Many people suffer from hidden disabilities. That you have been subjected to the kind of abuse you have received from these insensitive, rude individuals makes me wonder about the intelligence level of the people you are surrounded with. You might feel less isolated if you affiliate with a brain injury support group. You can find one by contacting the Brain Injury Association of America. The toll-free number to call is 800-444-6443 or visit biausa.org.

DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged to be married to a wonderful woman who has a 6-year-old daughter with her ex-husband. They share joint custody.

His controlling nature was a major factor in her decision to end their marriage. Even now, after being divorced more than two years, he tries to control her life. One way is by insisting on pictures of the three of them at every function where they are all present. First day of school, graduations, etc., he has to have pictures taken of him along with my fiancee and their daughter as if they are still one big, happy family.

He's now engaged to someone as well. I can only assume his fiancee must find these "not a family" pictures as strange as my fiancee and I do. The reason we haven't shut him down when he insists on these pictures is that we think maybe it is a nice thing for her daughter to have pictures of herself with her mom and dad. But we dread every event because we know he is going to expect this. Will it do the daughter any harm to stop him the next time he starts insisting on this increasingly awkward situation? -- IN THE PICTURE, TOO

DEAR PICTURE: Because this practice made your fiancee uncomfortable, she should have put a stop to it when it began. She should not do anything that makes her uncomfortable. A way to deal with it now without roiling the waters would be to wait until you and your fiancee are married -- and her ex and his fiancee are married -- and make it a group photo of the entire blended family from then on.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I will celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary on the seventh of next month. My brother was divorced after five years of marriage and is now getting remarried by a justice of the peace. His "bride" is also divorced, and this will be a second marriage for both of them. They initially planned to be married on the third of the month but changed the date to the seventh saying they couldn't find another date that worked.

Last time I checked, there were 31 days in the month. Our parents don't understand why I'm upset that my brother plans to marry on my wedding anniversary date. I feel this is my special day, one that I have earned after 22 years of marriage. My brother and his fiancee could easily pick another date. Am I being petty, or is my brother unreasonable? -- THAT'S MY DAY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DAY: I'm glad you asked. You are making a mountain out of a molehill. You don't "own" the seventh of next month.

Rather than looking to be offended, you should be hoping that your brother and his fiancee have the same good fortune and years of happiness that you and your husband have enjoyed. Their anniversary won't impinge on yours.

The most meaningful wedding gift you could offer them would be to wish them every happiness on this special day -- for all of you -- and stop looking for drama where there isn't any. Celebrate your anniversary next month at a time that works best for you and your husband.