DEAR ABBY: I'm close to 70 and have three grown children. I've been a widow for 15 years. My oldest son, age 45, has pretty much cut himself off from our fairly close family. His reason: Two years ago, after I had surgery for lung cancer, he claims I told him I wished I had never had children. This couldn't be further from the truth. All three of mine were planned.

My other children decided the hospital was overmedicating me and that most of what I was babbling was nonsense. I only remember bits and pieces and have no idea whether my recollections are accurate.

I have no problem dealing with my son's attitude; I'm a realist. The problem is the way it's affecting my 90-year-old mother, who lives with me. She feels he has cut her out of his life, too, because of me, and it appears she's right.

How can we convince him he's ripping his grandmother's heart out when he won't talk to either of us? She doesn't deserve such treatment, and he has no right to hurt her this way. -- BEWILDERED IN FLORIDA

DEAR BEWILDERED: If this is the only reason for the estrangement from your son -- which I doubt -- have his siblings talk to him and point out that: (1) You were so drugged up after your surgery you were not in your right mind, therefore you shouldn't be punished or held responsible for any gibberish that came out of your mouth during that period, and (2) it is wrong to punish Granny in such a heartless fashion for something that has nothing to do with her. Perhaps they will be able to get through to him where you cannot.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a successful man. He is charming in public, but at heart he's a very private person. I was successful in my field, and I'm more outgoing.

He is proud to show me off at parties because people find me interesting and witty, but without fail, at the end of the night he will tell me that somewhere during the evening I "crossed the line." Perhaps I spent too much time talking with another man, or said something he found inappropriate. If I look the wrong way, he accuses me of flirting with someone. Invariably I get a lecture on the way home or the next morning.

I told him this morning that I hate to go out with other people now because of it. He took great offense at that and said, "You are not the victim here. You are the perpetrator."

Sometimes I do say things that come out wrong, but I don't mean them. It would kill me to know that I hurt someone with my words. I am not interested in any other man. I love my husband. What can I do? -- LIFE OF THE PARTY IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LIFE: Not knowing either of you, I cannot determine if your husband is extremely controlling, jealous and insecure, or whether you are doing something out of line. You and your husband could benefit from discussing this with a licensed marriage and family therapist. If he refuses to go -- and he may -- you should go without him.

If your behavior at these gatherings was really unacceptable or an embarrassment, he would not want to "show you off at parties." You shouldn't have to worry that you'll be lectured the next day for just being yourself. Something is definitely wrong here, and I don't think it's with you.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, a good friend, "Beth," went through a violent tragedy that destroyed her family. My husband and I own a small waterfront property, so during the months following, I took Beth away for the weekend to hopefully allow her some healing and emotional recovery. She then asked me to go again and, when I couldn't go, asked if she could go with her friend (whom I had met but don't know well). She asked again to go with her new boyfriend.

I agreed to both of these trips, even though this is our private vacation home. We never rent it. No one has ever used it without us, not even family. Now she's asking again to use our place with her friend.

I feel like a heel to refuse if we're not using the place, but I'm starting to feel a little used. Is it OK for me to tell her no because I am uncomfortable with her repeated requests, or am I just a bad friend? -- TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?

DEAR T.A.O.: You have been generous to Beth. Unless you have explained it to her, she may not realize what a special favor you did her by letting her use your waterfront house. From what you have written, your friend appears to be getting on with her life, so if you decline now it shouldn't shatter her. To do so is not being a "bad friend."

DEAR ABBY: Please settle this between my sister and me. My sister carries about 25 credit cards in her purse. Recently she replaced the cardholder she keeps in her purse. I use an RFID wallet and purse, and I explained to her why I chose them. These products protect my identity from scammers. She says I'm being obsessive and worry too much. In today's world, you can't be too cautious. Abby, what are your thoughts on this? -- PROTECTING MY IDENTITY

DEAR PROTECTING: I agree you can never be too security conscious. Why your sister would carry 25 credit cards with her at once is surprising, and I'm not sure it's wise. If something should happen to her purse -- Radio Frequency ID-blocking wallet or not -- she would be up a creek. I hope she keeps copies of her cards and numbers in a separate, secure location in case she needs to cancel them.

DEAR ABBY: A woman I know has ALS, and I want to help. I write medical articles, so reading and explaining new research is a useful skill I have. She has told only a small number of friends that she has the condition, and I learned about it by accident.

It seems silly to me to keep pretending I don't know when everyone else around her does. When I showed her a summary of a research article on ALS, she said she didn't know why I was showing it to her. As long as I know anyway, I wish I could be let in on the secret so I can be helpful. Any ideas? -- HELPER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HELPER: Yes. You may be well intentioned, but you need to back off. When you put your foot in the door, it was shut firmly in your face. Now it's time to respect her privacy.

DEAR ABBY: I recently had a baby, and I have been diagnosed as having postpartum depression. I have tried all of the prescribed medications but took myself off them because of the side effects.

The issue I'm having is I read a news story about a tiny baby who was scalded to death years ago by his mother. I think about that precious baby all day long. I cry, I scream and I have anxiety about hot water.

I started following the case closely (it's in another state) and have been spending my hard-earned vacation money ordering depositions and other documents from the case. I want some kind of closure on this, but I can't seem to let this poor baby go. My money is limited, which is why I can't/don't see a therapist. Any advice? -- OVERWHELMED IN GEORGIA

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Have you informed the doctor who prescribed those medications that you stopped taking them, and why? If you haven't, you should.

It is important that you talk with a mental health professional about your obsession over the death of that baby and how it is affecting your life. Because money is limited, contact your county department of mental health and ask what services are available on a sliding financial scale.

Please don't wait to reach out. Your own baby needs love and care, and that should be your focus.

DEAR ABBY: I recently started a band with some close friends. At the beginning, everything was going great because we all have similar tastes in music. However, recently the lead singer has gotten more and more attention-seeking.

It started out small where he would make jokes on stage and try and get a laugh out of people. But now he's getting really outlandish, wearing crazy outfits and overall just acting ridiculous. How can I help him get back to just caring about the music and leaving the antics behind? -- EAST COAST MUSICIAN

DEAR MUSICIAN: You have my sympathy. Tom Hanks wrote and directed a movie about this subject in 1996. It is called "That Thing You Do!" If you can locate it, I am sure you will find it interesting.

As destructive as the hardships of being constantly on the road have been for performers in the music and entertainment business, EGO can be equally so. Your bandmate may be trying his best to upstage the rest of you or may think a gimmick could excite your audience. Try talking to him about it, but accept that you may have to replace him. If that's the case, be sure the person you hire has the same vision for the band that you do, so this won't happen again.

DEAR ABBY: What is the best way to approach a co-worker regarding body odor? A number of people in my office have noticed it, and it's creating a problem when someone has to sit near him during a meeting. We don't want to cause hurt feelings, but we really need him to be aware. -- KEEPING OUR DISTANCE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR KEEPING: This could be a medical problem rather than poor hygiene. Because it's a delicate subject, one that could be embarrassing for everyone concerned, this should be discussed with HR, the person's supervisor or the boss -- depending upon the size of the company.