DEAR ABBY: I'm a 67-year-old single white man. My girlfriend is 21 and African-American. We have been together a year and a half and are deeply in love. We have lots of fun together and go out and do things.

When we are out together, people often stare at us. She's very attractive and turns heads. I tell her everyone is looking at her because she is so beautiful, but that's probably not totally true.

We want to be together, but I'm reluctant. The love feels good and true, but the rest is scary. We would like to have children, but she wonders if there is any risk in having a child with me. We have tried to break up, but we missed each other so much we got back together. We have a very active sex life. Do you have any advice? -- UNCERTAIN IN OHIO

DEAR UNCERTAIN: People may stare because of the large discrepancy in your ages or because they aren't used to seeing interracial couples. Because you are concerned about how things will play out if the two of you decide to start a family, it would be wise to get genetic counseling because of your age. While 67 isn't over the hill, the decision to embark on starting a family at that age may depend upon your overall health and the life expectancy in your family.

DEAR ABBY: Our friend recently got engaged to someone who is, well, terrible! This is her first real relationship. They moved in together and got a dog within six months.

He's a lot older than she is, emotionally manipulative and abusive. Before they got together -- a couple of months after his previous fiancee broke their engagement -- she talked constantly about how desperate she was for a boyfriend. Long story short, she was looking for love, and he appeared.

We're not the only ones worried for her. We have spoken with several mutual friends. We all have the same concerns but are afraid to approach her about them. He has damaged her professional and personal relationships and essentially clipped her wings.

She was a bright, kind and ambitious person with wonderful dreams before she settled for him. She has lost herself in this relationship, and we don't know what to say to her, if we should say anything at all. Help! -- NERVOUS IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR NERVOUS: While it may be tempting, resist the urge to drift away from her because of him. Rather than remain silent, you and the others should point out the impact her fiance has had on her professional relationships. If he is as you describe, she may eventually learn for herself why his previous fiancee didn't marry him. And when that happens, she may need all the support you all can give her.

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, my 26-year marriage ended in divorce. I am now in a wonderful new relationship. Do I have an obligation to inform my ex of my new status? -- DEBBIE IN THE EAST

DEAR DEBBIE: Heck no! Let your children do it for you.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I both got divorced about the same time, but his took much longer to become final. It is finally over, so we have begun talking seriously about marriage and starting a family.

During one of our conversations, he mentioned that his ex-wife doesn't intend to change back to her maiden name. I was shocked because she took advantage of him financially and was emotionally abusive all during their marriage. They had no kids, so it has nothing to do with her wanting to share the same name with them. They were married only a few years, so she isn't well established under that name, either.

When I asked him why she wasn't changing it, he told me she said his family was always nicer to her than her own. I suggested he ask her to adopt another last name of her choosing if she doesn't want to go back to her maiden name rather than be falsely associated with a family she is no longer a part of (or welcome in). He won't consider taking on my last name, so I'm thinking about keeping my own maiden name after our marriage until she changes hers. Am I overreacting, or are two "Mrs." too many? -- SOON TO MARRY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SOON TO MARRY: You are overreacting. When a man has divorced, his ex can retain his last name if she wishes. Some do it because they think it may be to their advantage socially to be associated with the family. I have heard of others doing it because they didn't like their maiden name.

Please keep in mind that after your wedding you will -- if you wish -- become "Mrs. John Smith." The ex can use the last name, but will have to use her own first name with it (Ms. Jane Smith) without reference to your husband.

Of course, if you wish to keep your maiden name, you are free to do it -- many women do. But if you make that decision, please do it for any other reason than because of the one you put in your letter to me.

DEAR ABBY: My mother used to go nuts anytime the cameras came out. No matter the setting, the celebration or how lovely she looked, Mom would fling her hand up and yell, "Get that thing out of my face!" even when other family members were in the shot. One day, in exasperation, I finally told her, "Ya know, Mom, someday the only pictures your descendants will have of you will be of an angry, scowling woman."

Abby, please remind your readers we aren't trying to persecute them when we want a picture. We just want to hold, share and save photos of the people we love the most, and the kindness and love in their eyes shouldn't be obscured by their hands. -- FINALLY GOT THROUGH TO MOM

DEAR FINALLY: Although we live in a self-promoting and selfie culture, many individuals feel the way your mother does -- like a deer in the headlights when a camera is aimed their way. That said, the point you made was valid, and I am pleased that she listened. It is for that reason I'm printing your letter.

DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago, I had an affair with a married man that resulted in a pregnancy and then a miscarriage. I was also married at the time. Pathology testing revealed that the child had a rare genetic disorder inherited on the paternal side. My husband's genetic test indicated that he was not a carrier. The revelation led to my admission of the affair and our divorce.

I didn't tell the other man. His wife was unable to have children, so I didn't think it would impact him. I recently found out he is divorced and remarried to a younger woman. I have no idea whether they plan to have children, but I'm torn about telling him he is a carrier for that life-threatening disorder.

Selfishly, I do not want to reopen this shameful period of my life, so my instinct is to leave it alone, but I feel morally obligated to let him know. Should I contact him and tell him he was the father of the child and that he is a carrier of this genetic abnormality? -- TORN IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR TORN: The kind thing to do would be to contact your former lover privately. Explain that you do not mean to intrude, but he needs to know something important. Then inform him that it could save him and his wife a world of heartache if they have genetic testing done before planning to have a child, and why. You would be doing them both an enormous favor if you disclose it.

DEAR ABBY: Decades ago, while I was a college student, a friend took the time and interest to help me through a severe bout of depression. She likely saved my life. She had no special training, just a kind heart and a willing ear. At the time, I didn't realize the profound impact she had made. Our lives diverged, and I never heard from her again.

Recently, I finally decided to reach out and thank her, but unfortunately, an online search revealed her 10-year-old obituary. From the notes in the guest book, I discovered she had suffered many personal hardships throughout her adult life, which contributed to her early death.

Because I was not able to help her as she helped me, I want to pass along two important lessons I learned: (1) Thank people and tell them you care before it is too late, and (2) be willing to lend a hand and an ear to someone in need, because you may be that one person who affects their life. She had a saying I would like to share, which has guided my life: "Just open your 'I' and LIVE becomes LOVE." -- WITH LOVE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR WITH LOVE: I'm sorry for the loss of your caring and compassionate friend. I'm glad you took the time to write and share what a meaningful role she had in your life. That she made herself available to listen when you needed it is something more people should do because we live in a stressful society in which many individuals feel lost and alone. And I love her "motto"!