DEAR ABBY: I thought I had a best friend. We got to know each other when we worked together for almost four years. He's straight, I'm gay and we're total opposites. However, he taught me how to fish and took me shooting at his family's ranch; we would go to dinners/lunches and go to the city. He's a few years older than I am (he's in his 30s).

When I went to rehab for six weeks, he came to visit me. But when I celebrated my first year of sobriety a few months back, he never congratulated me. I found a new job almost a year ago, so we stopped seeing or contacting each other.

Looking back, I was always the one asking to hang out and planning the days when we would do fun things together. I feel hurt that he hasn't checked in with me, but I feel like my friendship should be valued and that friendships should be a two-way street.

Am I being childish? Is it too late to reach out? It's been six months with no contact. I thought I showed him how much I cared about our friendship. It would have meant a lot to me if he had reached out to see how I was doing. -- FRIENDLESS GUY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRIENDLESS GUY: The fact you no longer work together may have something to do with his silence -- out of sight, out of mind. Were you really the one who initiated the fishing trips and visits to his family's ranch? If not, it seems to me that he was doing his part in maintaining the friendship.

It's possible he may have met someone and be involved in a romance, or just busy. If you were the heavy lifter in your relationship, you should not expect him to change. I think it's time you reached out and checked in.

DEAR ABBY: Lately I have been feeling torn between staying in my relationship or leaving. I have always maintained I was doing the right thing for my kids by staying with their father. He's a good man, but he has always said he never wanted kids. At times he can be a really fun father, however, more often than not, he chooses not to do things with us.

I don't want my kids to miss out on a full and memorable childhood, but he is more focused on his own wants and needs. We have a family vacation trip planned with my family, and he has chosen not to go and instead take a week for himself to do what he wants to do.

I want my kids to have a father who wants to be in their lives and do things with them, but this doesn't seem to be what he wants. I don't know what to do. Help, please. -- WANTS WHAT'S BEST IN IDAHO

DEAR WANTS: If your partner made clear that he didn't want children, how is it that you had at least two with him? If you leave him so your children will have a father who wants to be in their lives, how do you plan to conjure one up?

What you need to do is evaluate your options and not overreact. Discuss this with someone who is rational and unbiased. You didn't list any of the positive traits this "good man" possesses. Be careful before making any rash decisions. No one's perfect, and he may become more hands-on as the kids get older.

DEAR ABBY: The holiday season is here, with the traditional family dinner get-togethers. Our problem is, our two children (ages 27 and 29) don't like each other and rarely have contact during the year. This creates such stressful holiday meals that my wife and I would prefer to simply not have them.

What words should we use to explain to both of them that we will no longer host holiday family dinners in the future? The conundrum arises if one of them says, "Well, I can come for Thanksgiving, so 'Jesse' can come for Christmas," which divides us in a way that is unacceptable. Although we have asked them to work out their issues, they have made no progress. Your advice? -- DAD STRESSED BY THE HOLIDAYS

DEAR DAD: Your "children" are adults and should be able to bury their differences two nights out of the year for your sake. If one makes that suggestion, your response should be: "No. It would only remind us that half our family is missing, which would sadden us on what's supposed to be a happy occasion. That's why your mother and I have decided to make other plans instead."

DEAR ABBY: I was visiting a neighbor whose son and daughter-in-law were also visiting. They have two daughters, ages 9 and 7. While I was there her son took the girls into the bathroom and gave them baths. I was shocked. The mom said, "That's his job!"

Abby, I could understand if they were toddlers, but by that age, they should be able to bathe themselves. When I asked her why, she said, "They play too much." Is this unusual? The grandmother -- my neighbor -- confided later that it made her uncomfortable, too, and said she has hinted to them both that the girls need privacy. What should we do or say, or is it none of our business? -- CONFUSED IN ALABAMA

DEAR CONFUSED: By the ages of 7 and 9, the girls should not only be capable of bathing themselves, but also be able to comprehend when either parent says, "You're splashing around too much. Cut out the funny business!" The parents should act only as monitors. While I don't think it's your place to say anything, I do think the grandmother should.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 64-year-old man who has decided to donate my body to science after I pass. Would it be helpful to write/have a bio that includes some of my medical history? I have broken my left arm twice and my little finger, which required surgery. Also, I broke my right wrist, which required surgery, including five temporary metal pins.

I am a Type 2 diabetic and have scars on my face from injuries from when I was a kid to adulthood. I'm not interested in writing a book but thought it might be helpful after I die for the medical institution. What do you think? -- CURIOUS IN FORT WORTH

DEAR CURIOUS: You are very thoughtful. However, it might be more fun for the medical students to discover these "surprises" for themselves.

DEAR ABBY: I am a shy, 30-year-old woman. I stay at home with our 10-month-old, primarily because of our family's financial situation.

I am gifted in the visual arts, but because I don't have an art degree, I'm unable to pursue a professional job in the arts. Instead, I have been advertising to teach private art lessons at home. One month in, I have one student.

The past months have been lonely, and I am aching for friendship. My husband doesn't seem to understand this. We know one family, but we are not close. I am considering offering free lessons to their kindergartner because it would not only help me to develop professionally, but also give me some adult interaction, which I desperately need. Again, my husband doesn't understand this, and doesn't want me to teach this child for free. How can I make him see? -- UNFULFILLED ARTIST IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ARTIST: Your husband appears to be unusually controlling. Have you told him the reason you want to give the family free art lessons is so you can have some much-needed adult interaction? If you haven't, you should, rather than keep silent.

He should not be isolating you the way he appears to be, which strikes me as worrisome. Is his motivation for keeping you in the house and away from others the money or something else?

I think you should try doing what you have in mind and see how it works out. And if there are other young mothers in your area who gather so their children can socialize, perhaps you could attend and make some friendships there. If your husband continues to be as possessive as he appears to be, consider calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 for suggestions.

P.S. I encourage you to go for that degree as soon as you are financially able.

DEAR ABBY: My grandson is 16, a good student, a great athlete and popular. We are very proud of him. The problem is, he has terrible acne and picks at his face constantly.

His mother, my daughter-in-law, is a nurse practitioner and a germaphobe. I'm constantly surprised that she doesn't take him to a dermatologist and remind him to keep his hands away from the sores on his face. I know it isn't my place to correct him or suggest a dermatologist. She certainly is aware that he has a problem, but she acts like it doesn't bother her.

While I realize this is a stage many teenagers go through and it will pass, his constant picking keeps his face red and looking irritated. Is there anything I can say or do to help without intruding in their space? -- CARING GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR GRANDMA: Yes. Your grandson would not be picking at the pimples if they didn't bother him. Point out to your daughter-in-law that while your grandson's acne may be "just a phase," there are things that can be done to clear it up, and the solution is to consult a dermatologist before he gives himself scars that may last a lifetime. This would not be intruding. It would be acting like the loving, caring grandparent that you are.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: The eight days of Hanukkah begin at sundown. (So early this year!) Happy Hanukkah, everyone! A joyous Festival of Lights to all of us!