life

Women's Opposing Viewpoints Could Doom Couple's Future

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 24th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a Christian who is passionate and vocal about being an ally to the LGBTQ community. I have close family members and friends who are part of that community, so I never waiver in my support or understanding. I am also a feminist. These beliefs are deeply a part of who I am and how I live my life.

Recently, my boyfriend's mother and I got into an argument about my support and advocacy for the LGBTQ community. She's very conservative and opinionated, and her viewpoints are outdated. She has denounced the women's movement and scoffed at the idea that men and women aren't treated equally in this day and age.

I tried my best to make good points, but the conversation ended with her telling me I need to pray because my beliefs aren't consistent with my faith. This has alarmed and offended me because my boyfriend remained silent while his mother chastised me. Now I'm worried about our future. If we have children one day, I would never want them to be exposed to such hatred and ignorance.

When I expressed these concerns to my guy, I got the classic, "Well, that's just how she is" response. How can I have a healthy relationship with my boyfriend's family if we are at such odds with our core beliefs? -- OPEN-MINDED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR OPEN-MINDED: You can't. There are none so blind as those who will not see, so don't waste your time trying to get your boyfriend's mother to see the light. And don't hold your breath waiting for your boyfriend to defend you because when it comes to prying open her perspective, he's not up to it. You should have another conversation with him about this, but if you make no headway, recognize it's time to move on.

Sex & GenderFamily & ParentingLove & Dating
life

Granddaughter Covets Emerald Jewelry She Was Promised

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 24th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My grandmother had beautiful but simple emerald jewelry. When I was 10, she told me that because I was her only grandchild who shared emerald as a birthstone, when she died, the jewelry would be mine.

Fast-forward 30 years. A year before her death, my grandmother asked my mother if there was anything of hers we wanted. Mom immediately mentioned the emerald jewelry for me. Grandma then informed Mom that we were "too late," she'd already given it to my aunt, her daughter-in-law. I never let on to my grandmother how upset I was, but I was devastated. A year later she passed away at 86. It's not her fault that she forgot she'd promised the jewelry to me.

My aunt has no daughters, and the odds are slim that she'll have grandchildren. I don't want to ask her to give me the jewelry. My grandmother was precious to her, too. But would it be wrong to ask her to not promise it to anyone else, and to leave it to me in her will? -- HOPEFUL IN CANADA

DEAR HOPEFUL: You wouldn't be wrong, but it will require a delicate touch. Not only should you do it, you should do it soon, before she does exactly what you fear.

Family & ParentingDeath
life

Lighthearted Wedding Invitation Rubs Recipient the Wrong Way

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 23rd, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We received a wedding invitation in the mail today from my husband's nephew. First of all, we are to RSVP by tomorrow. (What?)

Here are our options in responding:

Gladly attend

Regretfully decline

Resentfully attend

Enthusiastically decline

I'll surprise you

The invitation also asked which song we'd like "blasted over our awkward small talk." Granted, there is some animosity among the groom's father's siblings, but I think this is rude, sarcastic and inappropriate. I have a sense of humor but do not find this funny. Am I off the mark? -- INSULTED GUEST IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR GUEST: Obviously, you and your husband would have preferred a more formal -- and possibly more timely -- invitation. Considering the sorry state of family relations on the groom's side, the wording may have been an attempt at humor. It may also have been sincere. If you cannot gladly attend, rather than fume, send your regrets.

Holidays & CelebrationsEtiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Overbearing Wife Is Left Off Neighborhood Guest List

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 23rd, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We don't care much for the wife of one of our new neighbors. The husband is nice, but his wife is overbearing. On the occasions we get together, she interrupts conversations or takes over the conversation whenever she speaks. Occasionally, we see each other around the neighborhood, and it's always a friendly meeting since we can walk away from them.

Once in a while one neighbor will have a few of the others over for a party, but no one wants to invite the new couple because of her. What do we say if either one asks why they aren't invited to some of the parties we have? We live close enough to each other that they might see us entertaining without them. Please don't suggest we invite them and suck it up since we tried that and the evening was not fun for anyone. -- STRUGGLING FOR AN ANSWER

DEAR STRUGGLING: Don't worry, I won't. No one should ask a question like that unless prepared for the answer. If one of them is so bold as to ask why they weren't included, I think you should tell the person the truth.

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Boy Cries for Help Fending off His Pugilistic Best Friend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 23rd, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a boy in sixth grade. Recently, my best friend has been hitting me. I try to get her to stop. I've done everything I can think of, but she keeps doing it.

Today in math class, she pinched me or something -- I can't remember -- so I did it back. Afterward she beat on me with a ruler. I could really use some of your advice. -- TIRED OF IT

DEAR TIRED OF IT: The person you call your best friend isn't acting like one. She may do it to get attention because she has a crush on you, or because she's a bully. Tell her to stop touching you because you don't like it, but do not retaliate by hitting her back. If she persists, tell your teacher what she has been doing because it's creating a distraction when you need to be concentrating in class.

Friends & NeighborsWork & School
life

Student Earns Failing Grade as a Vacation House-Sitter

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 22nd, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Our family went away for a two-week vacation. One of my co-workers suggested I hire her daughter to stay in our home and take care of our pets and plants in our absence. The daughter is 20 years old and a student. We agreed upon a generous payment and paid her as soon as we got home.

Everything was fine, except our stockpile of Costco items (granola bars and juice boxes) out in the garage was nearly depleted. When I asked her about it, she texted me back almost in a joking way that she had helped herself and meant to replenish the supply, but it had slipped her mind. She had also "borrowed" a couple of items from our home she forgot to return (blow-dryer, a game and our wine glasses), but returned them once it was brought to her attention.

I was happy just to come home to my plants and animals being alive and our house in one piece. My husband, on the other hand, was not. He suggested I inform my co-worker that I won't be hiring her daughter again because she was very unprofessional. What is your opinion on the matter? -- HOUSE-SITTING IN THE EAST

DEAR HOUSE-SITTING: I agree with your husband. Although the daughter isn't a professional house-sitter, she should not have taken items from your home without permission or without informing you about what she had "borrowed." And if she was not given permission to help herself to the goodies in your garage, she should have left them where they were or offered to compensate you for them upon your return. I suppose the omission could be chalked up to immaturity, but I do think it should be mentioned.

MoneyEtiquette & EthicsWork & School
life

After Dating 2 1/2 Years, Woman Still Hasn't Met Man's Family

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 22nd, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating this guy for 2 1/2 years. We started dating when he was separated and in the process of getting divorced. My friends and family have met him, but he has introduced me only to his friends. He didn't want me to meet his family until now. (I don't know why.) He has a 3-year-old daughter.

One day I sent him an article about "your kids shouldn't be the most important." Well, he became upset because he thought I was trying to separate him and his daughter. I tried to explain that the article says you should love yourself first, but he still misunderstood me. I told him I'm tired of him doubting us and my love. He isn't sure if we are going to get married in two years.

What should I do? I want this relationship to work, but at the same time I feel like he is dragging me nowhere. -- VERY INSECURE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR VERY INSECURE: You say that although you have met this man's friends, you still have yet to meet any members of his family. Why not? After 2 1/2 years, this is a red flag. That after all this time he says he isn't sure he wants to marry you is an even bigger one.

Put your cards on the table with him as you have with me, and tell him you think it would be better for both of you to start seeing others because even after 2 1/2 years he still isn't ready for a commitment and you are.

Love & DatingFamily & Parenting

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