DEAR ABBY: I had bariatric surgery (gastric sleeve) five months ago. I left my previous job because the way I was treated by my employer and co-workers changed drastically after my procedure.

I am starting a new job soon and do not want to tell my new employer or co-workers that I have had this operation. People always treat you differently once they know. I don't know anyone at the new job, and I prefer to keep this part of my life private.

My boyfriend thinks I should tell at least HR, in case any medical issues arise while at work because then they would be able to inform medical personnel. I don't think they need to know. What do you think, Abby? -- TREATED DIFFERENTLY

DEAR TREATED DIFFERENTLY: Your medical history is your own business. After five months you should have healed from your surgery. I'm not sure what kind of complications your boyfriend is worried about, but if you experience any, the time to report it to HR will be when they occur.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a young woman who, for years, went to my aunt and uncle's house for Thanksgiving. Every year, my aunt has made the turkey and the sides, and my uncle has done the cleanup. I appreciate their hosting every year, but I'd like to find a way to be able to help.

I have offered to clean, but my uncle insists I enjoy myself. I've brought dessert, but my aunt bakes a wonderful cake every year. I've tried to help in the kitchen, but she gently tells me to have fun. I've brought wine in previous years, but a family member struggles with drinking, so out of respect for him, I won't continue that.

I have had a lot of health issues over the years and lifelong disabilities, so it has taken me a long time to become independent. I now have my first full-time job. What's a way I could give to my family? -- THANKFUL IN FLORIDA

DEAR THANKFUL: A way to do that would be to bring your hosts a lovely flowering plant when you arrive, or alternatively, send a lovely bouquet afterward with a note of thanks. And of course, you could also offer to take them out for a meal post-holiday.

DEAR ABBY: Our 9-year-old son makes perfect grades in school. His friends all have cellphones, and I believe he should get one also. My husband disagrees and thinks he should be a teenager first and learn more responsibility. With times changing so quickly and kids getting phones at 6 and 7 years old, am I wrong or is my husband old-fashioned in his approach? -- OLD-FASHIONED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: Parents teach their children to be responsible by placing some responsibility on their shoulders. In the current landscape, it's a good idea for a child to have the ability to communicate with a parent in case of an emergency. You and your husband could give your son a flip phone so he can do that if necessary.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I love each other very much and have been living together with our children for five years. We intend to get married soon. Here is the rub: She's "old school." She believes she should receive a diamond ring as part of the marriage proposal.

I would marry her tomorrow, but I don't believe in spending thousands of dollars on a piece of carbon. I understand that somehow she equates her value/social status with the size of her wedding ring ("I deserve a nice ring"), but I don't agree. I think the expense is unwarranted and, quite frankly, as the person paying for most of it, unfair.

She has offered to chip in and even buy one from a used wedding site, but I'd rather spend that money on something we could both enjoy or at least on something more practical that she can enjoy. I can find the money to buy the ring, but in my heart, I don't see the value or buy into the fantasy the diamond industry has put into some women's heads.

What do I do? Cave in and give her what she wants because I love her? Or push for a compromise, which will definitely be an uphill battle and potentially spoil what is supposed to be a special thing in our lives? -- HUNG UP ON THE RING IN RENO

DEAR HUNG UP: I'm glad you asked. Give her the ring. It will be cheaper in the long run. Trust me on that. And in the future, when she asks what you would like for a gift, tell her your fantasy is that she'll make a comparable down payment on your next car. That way, she can make your dream come true.

DEAR ABBY: My father and his wife are retired and live across the country from us. Dad is hard of hearing and doesn't like to use the phone, even with hearing aids. He also won't text, so we mostly communicate by email.

The challenge is that he and his wife share an email account. She reads every message I send to Dad and often replies without telling him, so I'm never sure if he receives them or not. Also, if we're discussing something sensitive -- like finances or issues with my siblings -- she'll weigh in when it's not really her business. In one case, she posted parts of our discussion on her social media!

I have talked to Dad about this. He says married couples don't have secrets. I suspect he may not want his wife to be able to communicate privately with other people (she's much younger than he is) and prefers the shared email for this reason. Is it unreasonable for me to want a direct line of communication with my father, or must I save up private conversations for the one time a year we are able to visit in person? -- DISTRESSED DAUGHTER IN IDAHO

DEAR DAUGHTER: I'm sorry I can't wave a magic wand and change your father. What's going on should not be blamed on his wife. Because he has made plain to you that he sees no reason for privacy and wants her to be privy to your conversations, saving up those private chats until they are "in person" is exactly what you are going to have to do.

DEAR VETERANS: I salute your service to our country. My thanks to each of you, as well as to the brave men and women still on active duty, some of whom are in harm's way. You personify patriotism and self-sacrifice with your dedication. I also would like to acknowledge your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made and continue to make every day. -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl and a sophomore in high school. Last year I went to school across the country. While I was there, I became best friends with this girl, "Amelia." We did everything together, and Amelia even flew back here to visit my family when school ended and I had to go home.

It has now been a few months since I've seen her, and so much has changed. She doesn't make time to text or call me hardly ever, and when she does, it's always a quick conversation. Because of the time difference and our schedules, I get that it's difficult, but shouldn't she make some time for her best friend?

Amelia and I were as close as sisters, and I can't stand the thought of losing her. I have already called her out a few times, and we are good for a few days, but then she goes right back to pretending like I don't exist. I'd rather not call her out again. Any thoughts? -- FARAWAY FRIEND IN MARYLAND

DEAR FRIEND: Rather than "call her out," it's time to lighten up. Stop trying to make Amelia feel guilty for not giving you the attention she was able to when you were geographically closer. If there's one thing I have learned about friendships, it's that they tend to ebb and flow.

Because you now live apart, concentrate on building other relationships with people close by. This doesn't mean you can't remain friendly with Amelia; it simply means you are expecting more from her than she's able to give you.

DEAR ABBY: The holidays are approaching, and with them a problem. I recently moved back to my hometown after being away for many years, and I was eagerly looking forward to spending the holidays with my daughter. She has just informed me that she's joining a religion that doesn't celebrate holidays, not even Thanksgiving or birthdays. I would never stand in the way of her chosen path, but I'd still like to be able to include her in family get-togethers. I just don't know how. Any suggestions? -- MISSING HER ALREADY

DEAR MISSING HER: Although you will no longer be able to celebrate the holidays with your daughter, you and the rest of the family can still see her and socialize. Talk to her about it and let her set the ground rules. As long as you are respectful, I'm sure she will be glad to give you suggestions about what you can do together.

DEAR ABBY: Early this year my son was killed in an accident. A few weeks later I became ill and was hospitalized. My son's widow looked after me all those weeks. She was known at the hospital by her name and also as my daughter-in-law.

One of my doctors, standing close to her and right next to my bed, asked for and was granted permission to ask her a personal question -- "What happened to your husband?" Was it insensitive of him to ask that in my presence? -- UNSURE IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR UNSURE: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your son. The doctor asked for permission to inquire about something personal and it was granted. That said, if the doctor was aware that you had lost your son a short time ago and your daughter-in-law was a widow, the question could have been asked privately because death is often a subject that's painful to discuss when a person is grieving.