DEAR ABBY: My daughter recently celebrated her 20th birthday. She's a good kid with a decent job who happens to like tattoos.

For her birthday, my in-laws sent her a birthday card. Usually their card includes a gift card, check or cash. This year, there was no gift but a note stating that they were not sending money as they felt she would use it toward more tattoos.

I understand their beliefs may be different, but their approach to the situation was not nice. When she read their note, my daughter broke down and cried. My question is: Should I ignore their rudeness and ignorance, or should I (or my husband) call them and stick up for our daughter? -- TRYING TO BE NONJUDGMENTAL

DEAR TRYING: I don't think what happened should be ignored. What your in-laws did was uncalled for, and the person who should tell them that is your daughter because she's an adult. If they were really concerned that she would spend their gift money on a tattoo, they could have sent her a tangible gift -- an item of clothing or a gift card from a specific retailer. Shame on them.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 68-year-old divorced woman who has been dating a slightly older widower. We were beginning a nice relationship until he got mad at me for giving him a fever blister. He suggested we not see each other or talk for more than two weeks. After that, he texted me to see if my fever blister was gone. He said he was still sort of angry about it, and described how ugly and painful the blister was.

I feel he was really petty, and it has put a damper on things. Am I wrong to feel this way? What is your advice? Hurry, please, because his blister is healing and he wants to see me. -- EMBARRASSED IN MISSOURI

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Your gentleman friend's behavior wasn't petty. The "fever blister" you gave him was a herpes virus. Before you see him again, talk to your doctor so he or she can explain how the virus is passed and what you can do to lessen the chances or prevent it in the future. If you do, you'll be doing both of you a favor.

DEAR ABBY: While attending a large party, I re-entered the main room to find my wife engaged in what appeared to be an intimate conversation with a longtime friend who is known to be a "hound dog" who frequently boasts of his latest conquests. They held each other's hands and were talking to each other at "kissing" distance. I watched from afar and then left the area so as not to create a scene. They were obviously not talking about the weather.

When I confronted my wife the next day, she said there is nothing going on between them and they were just talking. My wife had a few drinks that night, but I don't think she was drunk. Your take on this? -- SAW TOO MUCH IN GEORGIA

DEAR SAW: My take is that if you trust your wife, you will believe what she's telling you. Appearances can be deceiving, especially when viewed from a distance.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 20 years, "Jerry," recently learned about an old girlfriend's death. A Facebook friend informed him about it. The message arrived late at night while I was sleeping, and he woke me to tell me the news.

He is now receiving condolences from friends that he is responding to as though he were grieving. Abby, the old girlfriend and my husband split up on very bad terms. She not only cheated on him but gave him an STD. I am appalled and feel hurt that this is happening. Friends of mine are surprised and suspicious about it.

I confronted my husband and asked him if the situation were reversed and I were the one who died and an old flame started receiving condolences, how would he feel? Jerry said it wouldn't bother him. Is it normal to send condolences to old flames? -- DEATHLY CONFUSED IN TEXAS

DEAR DEATHLY: It's normal to inform others about a death, but considering the circumstances of the breakup, what's going on isn't "normal." It's possible that the messages your husband is receiving are from other Facebook friends who are connected to the sender of the original message.

While it isn't unusual for old friends to reach out to each other after news of a death, to convey it in the form of a condolence to an ex-boyfriend after the romance is long over strikes me as somewhat odd. My advice is to remain calm, don't let it give you heartburn and wait for the emotions to subside with time.

DEAR ABBY: The holidays are approaching, and I suspect many young couples are facing the same problem about where to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have two daughters -- one married and one single. The married daughter's mother-in-law has declared that this is "her" year for Thanksgiving, and next year is "her" year for Christmas. She has three sons, none of whom lives within four hours of her home. All three sons have children.

Don't you think the sons and their wives should decide for themselves if they want to travel for the holidays? They may prefer to spend Christmas morning in their own homes. Also, what about her daughters-in-law's parents? Perhaps they, too, have other grown children who would like to decide what they want to do for the holidays.

My philosophy is to plan my holidays and invite my children. If they can come, great! If not, there are no hard feelings. If all of my children and grandchildren can't be here at the same time, I focus on the ones who are and enjoy the time I have with them. I think the woman is being disrespectful to her sons and daughters-in-law. What say you? -- FOCUS ON A GOOD TIME

DEAR FOCUS: As your letter illustrates, not all mothers-in-law are alike. Some are iron-fisted matriarchs who demand obedience from their grown children. Others, like you, are more easygoing. In my opinion, the woman you have described is less disrespectful than overbearing.

DEAR ABBY: A month and a half ago, my boyfriend of five years proposed. We are happy and excited. Most of the wedding party are my friends from college, who are like a family to me. They have also grown very close to my fiance.

One friend, "Eden," defines herself as a "goth." She wears dark lipstick, dark makeup and usually wears all black -- lace, fishnets, etc. Her casual wear isn't all that out of place. However, when she dresses up, the goth comes out in full force -- parasol, thigh-high boots, over-the-top stuff (at least to me).

She's invited to our wedding, and I'm concerned that she may go overboard with her wardrobe for the event. I do not wish to stifle her style or sense of self, but the guests will be mostly family and it's a formal event. Is there a polite way to mention this to her and ask her to tone it down a bit? I don't want to hurt her feelings or appear to be stuck up, however I am sure she will be in many of the photos. -- POLITE FRIEND IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FRIEND: If there will be a wedding party and you have a maid of honor, the responsibility of explaining the "dress code" to Eden should fall to her -- for the reasons you mentioned. Whether Eden takes offense is anybody's guess, but at least the message won't come directly from you. If she chooses to ignore the dress code and "come as she is," focus on your happiness and do not let it ruin your day. As for the pictures, put her in the back.

DEAR ABBY: We live in Las Vegas. Now and then family members in Europe contact us to let us know their adult children will be visiting Vegas and would like to see us. We are retired and would enjoy taking these "youngsters" out for breakfast or lunch on the Strip. But what usually happens is, we wait and wait and receive no call until their departure, then hear all kinds of excuses about why they couldn't call earlier. This has happened three times now, and our question to you is: What are we supposed to say when they make their departure call? -- READY TO WELCOME IN VEGAS

DEAR READY: It is telling that when you receive the initial phone call, it comes from the parents rather than the "kids." This is what you should say when the "youngsters" call: "Oh, we're so sorry you couldn't fit us into your busy schedule, but we understand. Hope you enjoyed your visit. Let us know when you'll be back in town. Bye!" Then forget about it!

DEAR ABBY: We have a storage unit filled with furniture we can't use. I want to sell it or donate it to a charity -- provided they come and pick it up.

My wife wants to give it to a handyman who has done work for us in the past. My concern is that it might be insulting and imply that he is poor and needs charity. I don't know that he is needy, but he might well be. I just don't want to insult the guy. What do you think? -- JUST BEING NICE

DEAR NICE: Offer the furniture to your handyman, and when you do, tell him you no longer need it and wonder if he might know "someone" who can use it. I don't think that would be offensive or imply that he is needy.