DEAR ABBY: I don't like my stepsister, and when she stays with us, I'm forced to share a room with her. The last time she was here I got so mad at her I pretended to send a text message on my cell and secretly took a picture of her as she got out of the shower. I knew it was wrong, but it seemed funny at the time.

I sent it to my boyfriend because he doesn't like her either, even though he thinks she has a "hot body." I thought it would be a joke just between us, but he sent it to some of his friends, and now it's making the rounds. Luckily, she goes to a different school, so nobody has recognized her, but I'm scared someone will. I'd give anything to take back what I did. What should I do? -- SCARED STEPSISTER

DEAR SCARED STEPSISTER: You should be scared. What you did was shameful and dangerous. Not only was it an invasion of privacy, it is also a crime -- distribution of a pornographic image of a minor. Now that photo is on the internet, you will not be able to take it back.

Pray that no one in your family finds out, or you may be grounded, like, forever, and your boyfriend will be history. If the news does get back to your family, prepare yourself for a punishment like no other.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 20 years and recently had an affair with a woman I'll call "Susan" I care very much about. My marriage was already in the final stages of failure by the time we met.

Over the last two weeks, I stayed at Susan's house on the nights I worked. Two days ago, without telling me, she went to talk to my wife to "get her side of the story." She believed everything my wife said and broke up with me. Susan has now blocked my phone number and told me to leave her alone.

Is it worth trying to reach out to her? Susan knew when I met her that I was married and continued seeing me. I told her the wife and I were separating but living in the same house until the lease ends. She thinks I lied to her, which I never did. I was always honest with her. What do you think happened? -- DUMPED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DUMPED: It appears that your side of the story wasn't enough for Susan. She identified with whatever she was told and accepted it lock, stock and barrel. Because she wasn't mature enough to discuss it with you, she decided to cut and run instead.

Lesson for you: Move out before you start dating again. It's not going to be forever -- just until the lease ends.

DEAR ABBY: My desk is situated right outside my boss's office. Her elderly father is in failing health, and while I'm not unsympathetic, each day for 30 to 40 minutes she takes personal phone calls with his daytime caregiver. The calls are always on her speakerphone with her office door wide open. I'm in a cubicle, so I have no door to close. Is there a polite way to encourage her to rectify this? -- NOT DEAF IN SEATTLE

DEAR NOT DEAF: Yes. As tactfully as you can, ask your boss if she would mind if you close her door for the duration of those conversations because they distract you from doing your work.

DEAR ABBY: A lifelong friend of mine has died unexpectedly. Because he was my age, this brought up issues of my own mortality. We'd had our ups and downs over 25 years, but he moved cross-country to the same city as I'm in and was there for many happy and sad life events, including the deaths of my remaining immediate family and his parents.

I have a wonderful wife and amazing children. We are pretty active and have stressful jobs, so there is little time to be engaged, which leaves me feeling guilty about being less than 100 percent for her and the kids. We have a newborn, and he is a star among stars for me, so I feel even more need to be present at all times.

My friend's death has brought up painful feelings I thought I was over -- like the feeling of being an "orphan" (even though I have extended family, I have no immediate family left). Losing someone my age has hit me hard, which I honestly didn't anticipate. I know I'm focusing on the wrong things, like some missed opportunities, but I can't seem to move past them. I feel so drained and useless. Any help would be appreciated. -- MISSING MY FRIEND IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR MISSING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your good friend. The death of someone close can affect people in many different ways. For some, the reminder that life isn't infinite can trigger them to re-evaluate their relationships or how they have been living their lives.

Because you seem to be unable to move past your feelings of abandonment, which many people experience after the loss of their parents, consider joining a grief support group to help you to work through some of these thoughts you are experiencing. However, if that isn't enough, a licensed therapist may help you to regain your balance.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's significant other fathered her two children and seemed dedicated to his family. He worked hard to support and care for them. Then, almost overnight, it all changed.

My daughter is now a single (unemployed) mom with two little ones under 4. She needs help, and I need advice about how to best help her. It appears they'll need to move in with us (an arrangement that will be stressful for all). Life is a bowl of lemons, and I need a good recipe for lemonade. Help, please! -- READY TO PITCH IN

DEAR READY: This would be my recipe: The first thing you adults should do is remind yourselves that this won't be forever -- only until your daughter is able to find a job, get back on her feet and the children are in day care. Repeat it to yourselves out loud when necessary, and it may help you retain your sanity when life becomes stressful.

Next, help your daughter ensure that the children's father continues to provide financially for them. If he is resistant, an attorney may be able to help, and so can government agencies in every state.

And last, give the new additions to your household all the love and understanding you can -- which I am sure you are already doing because you seem like a very nice person. This, too, will pass.

DEAR ABBY: As a child, I suffered a lot of abuse from my parents until I finally, at 13, opened up to a teacher. I was removed from my house and spent the remainder of my youth in various foster homes. I never felt like I had a home or family until I was an adult and made my own.

I have cut all ties with my biological family, as I am happier and more sane without them. They have never shown remorse for their abuse, and I feel my children's safety would be jeopardized if I were to rekindle a relationship with them.

The problem is, co-workers and sometimes even strangers at my retail job ask me about my children's grandparents. When I explain that we have a "strained" relationship, they often tell me I need to get over it, learn to forgive or that I'll regret not mending things. Am I wrong for wanting to maintain a distance? How can I assert my position firmly without giving too much detail? -- CUT OFF BY CHOICE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CUT OFF: You are not obligated to give a detailed response to these individuals, who may only be trying to make conversation when they ask. All you need to say is that "the grandparents are not involved." There could be many reasons for it, but you don't have to share them. If you are questioned further say, "I'd rather not discuss it."

P.S. While forgiveness may work in some situations, when a family is so dysfunctional that the children must be removed from the home, those children are not obligated to forgive what was done to them!

DEAR ABBY: I married right out of high school, 20 years ago. We have two amazing kids in their late teens -- a son in college and a daughter in her last year of high school.

I haven't been in love with my wife for a very long time. I have tried everything to bring those feelings back, including talking with her about it, but the feelings just aren't there anymore.

When I first realized I was no longer in love with her, I was going to file for divorce, but my kids were little. I didn't want to put them through that, so I pushed my happiness aside. Now the kids are doing great, I'm still miserable and I don't know what to do anymore.

Sometimes I feel I don't deserve to be happy, but doesn't my happiness count? Must I continue putting on a fake smile and pretending to be happy, or is it time for me to look out for my happiness? -- MISERABLE IN MAINE

DEAR MISERABLE: Talk to your wife again about the fact that you haven't been happy for many years. Unless you are an Academy Award-winning actor, she probably won't be shocked. Delay separating until your daughter has left for college, and in the meantime, give marriage counseling a shot, even if you already have. If, after that, nothing has improved, try to keep the divorce as amicable as possible for the sake of everyone concerned. A divorce mediator may be able to help you through the process.