DEAR ABBY: A lifelong friend of mine has died unexpectedly. Because he was my age, this brought up issues of my own mortality. We'd had our ups and downs over 25 years, but he moved cross-country to the same city as I'm in and was there for many happy and sad life events, including the deaths of my remaining immediate family and his parents.

I have a wonderful wife and amazing children. We are pretty active and have stressful jobs, so there is little time to be engaged, which leaves me feeling guilty about being less than 100 percent for her and the kids. We have a newborn, and he is a star among stars for me, so I feel even more need to be present at all times.

My friend's death has brought up painful feelings I thought I was over -- like the feeling of being an "orphan" (even though I have extended family, I have no immediate family left). Losing someone my age has hit me hard, which I honestly didn't anticipate. I know I'm focusing on the wrong things, like some missed opportunities, but I can't seem to move past them. I feel so drained and useless. Any help would be appreciated. -- MISSING MY FRIEND IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR MISSING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your good friend. The death of someone close can affect people in many different ways. For some, the reminder that life isn't infinite can trigger them to re-evaluate their relationships or how they have been living their lives.

Because you seem to be unable to move past your feelings of abandonment, which many people experience after the loss of their parents, consider joining a grief support group to help you to work through some of these thoughts you are experiencing. However, if that isn't enough, a licensed therapist may help you to regain your balance.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's significant other fathered her two children and seemed dedicated to his family. He worked hard to support and care for them. Then, almost overnight, it all changed.

My daughter is now a single (unemployed) mom with two little ones under 4. She needs help, and I need advice about how to best help her. It appears they'll need to move in with us (an arrangement that will be stressful for all). Life is a bowl of lemons, and I need a good recipe for lemonade. Help, please! -- READY TO PITCH IN

DEAR READY: This would be my recipe: The first thing you adults should do is remind yourselves that this won't be forever -- only until your daughter is able to find a job, get back on her feet and the children are in day care. Repeat it to yourselves out loud when necessary, and it may help you retain your sanity when life becomes stressful.

Next, help your daughter ensure that the children's father continues to provide financially for them. If he is resistant, an attorney may be able to help, and so can government agencies in every state.

And last, give the new additions to your household all the love and understanding you can -- which I am sure you are already doing because you seem like a very nice person. This, too, will pass.

DEAR ABBY: As a child, I suffered a lot of abuse from my parents until I finally, at 13, opened up to a teacher. I was removed from my house and spent the remainder of my youth in various foster homes. I never felt like I had a home or family until I was an adult and made my own.

I have cut all ties with my biological family, as I am happier and more sane without them. They have never shown remorse for their abuse, and I feel my children's safety would be jeopardized if I were to rekindle a relationship with them.

The problem is, co-workers and sometimes even strangers at my retail job ask me about my children's grandparents. When I explain that we have a "strained" relationship, they often tell me I need to get over it, learn to forgive or that I'll regret not mending things. Am I wrong for wanting to maintain a distance? How can I assert my position firmly without giving too much detail? -- CUT OFF BY CHOICE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CUT OFF: You are not obligated to give a detailed response to these individuals, who may only be trying to make conversation when they ask. All you need to say is that "the grandparents are not involved." There could be many reasons for it, but you don't have to share them. If you are questioned further say, "I'd rather not discuss it."

P.S. While forgiveness may work in some situations, when a family is so dysfunctional that the children must be removed from the home, those children are not obligated to forgive what was done to them!

DEAR ABBY: I married right out of high school, 20 years ago. We have two amazing kids in their late teens -- a son in college and a daughter in her last year of high school.

I haven't been in love with my wife for a very long time. I have tried everything to bring those feelings back, including talking with her about it, but the feelings just aren't there anymore.

When I first realized I was no longer in love with her, I was going to file for divorce, but my kids were little. I didn't want to put them through that, so I pushed my happiness aside. Now the kids are doing great, I'm still miserable and I don't know what to do anymore.

Sometimes I feel I don't deserve to be happy, but doesn't my happiness count? Must I continue putting on a fake smile and pretending to be happy, or is it time for me to look out for my happiness? -- MISERABLE IN MAINE

DEAR MISERABLE: Talk to your wife again about the fact that you haven't been happy for many years. Unless you are an Academy Award-winning actor, she probably won't be shocked. Delay separating until your daughter has left for college, and in the meantime, give marriage counseling a shot, even if you already have. If, after that, nothing has improved, try to keep the divorce as amicable as possible for the sake of everyone concerned. A divorce mediator may be able to help you through the process.

DEAR ABBY: "Charlotte" and I have been friends for 16 years, ever since we met in college. She lives several states away, so we see each other only once a year when she and her family come to town for a long weekend. Beyond this annual get-together, we never chat on the phone, and communication is pretty much limited to social media.

I have known Charlotte's (now) husband for 16 years as well, and never cared for him. When they became engaged, none of our friends thought she would actually marry him. He seems to get worse every time I see him, and it has reached the point that I can barely stand to be in the same room with him.

Unfortunately, Charlotte's kids take after their dad. They are spoiled, nasty, mean children and a bad influence on my young son. Charlotte and her family were in town for their annual visit recently. Afterward I told my husband I didn't enjoy it and dread the next one.

Charlotte's husband has now suggested they tag along on our next family vacation! Abby, it would ruin our trip. I don't want to go on vacation if they come with us. Charlotte is still as sweet and lovely as ever, but I do not want to see her husband or children again. What should I do? -- HANGING ON FOR NOW

DEAR HANGING ON: Ignore the "suggestion" Charlotte's husband made. Because the two of you talk so infrequently, the subject may not come up again. A solution to your problem might be as simple as suggesting to Charlotte that the two of you have a "girls' weekend" together rather than a family vacation. Then cross your fingers that she's receptive.

DEAR ABBY: Men know that when shaking another man's hand, the grip should be firm. A firm handshake is polite and -- let's be honest -- a point of masculine pride. But when I shake a woman's hand, I'm never sure what kind of grip to use

When I'm shaking a woman's hand, I use a grip that is less firm than I would use with a man. Is this sexist? Sometimes I worry that even my lighter-than-normal grip is too firm, especially if she is older. On the other hand, I'm embarrassed if her grip is firm and mine is not. Sometimes I need to adjust my grip midway through the handshake to match the woman's, but then I feel silly doing it. Can you offer any guidance? -- HANDING IT OFF IN TENNESSEE

DEAR HANDING: I'll try. The first thing to remember is that a handshake is not a litmus test for masculinity -- at least not with women. While a limp handshake from either sex is a turnoff, one that is too strong can be painful -- particularly if the fingers being squeezed happen to have rings on them. It isn't silly to offer a lady a "medium" handshake, and adjust the firmness if she has a firm grip. It's sensible, not sexist.