DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Chris," and I were planning on moving in together. We went apartment hunting and created a realistic budget we could both maintain. He was the one who brought up the idea and also the one who pushed it.

Chris is an only child. His parents love him so much I think they will do anything to keep him in their house for as long as they can. (He's 21.) I know I must respect his parents, but I also know Chris really wants to be out on his own but is afraid of them.

I want the best for him and for us. How should I handle this situation without harming the relationship between him and his parents, or me and his parents as well? -- WANTING IT IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WANTING IT: Because Chris is an adult, asking him when he does think the two of you can live together would be a fair question. However, if it's one he can't answer, you must realize that he isn't independent enough to cut the umbilical cord, and you should plan for your future accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: The first 20 years of our marriage were wonderful. My husband was kind, sweet and generous. Now he is angry most of the time, and spews rude and hurtful things at me.

When I ask him what's wrong and suggest marriage counseling, he says I am too sensitive or I take things wrong, and there's nothing the matter with our marriage. All I know is, this is not the man I fell in love with, and I don't know how much longer I can tolerate the way he's treating me.

I love my husband. I don't want to divorce him, but I also don't want to continue living this way. Please help. -- GONE WRONG IN OHIO

DEAR GONE WRONG: What your husband is doing is cruel, and for him to tell you you're imagining it, frankly, irritates me. I can't fix what's gone wrong in your marriage, but I'm glad to point you in the right direction.

Visit a marriage and family therapist without him and describe what's been happening. Whether the insight you gain will save your marriage is anybody's guess. However, it may give you the strength to do what is best for you, in the present and in the long run.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I walk the mall most days, and our route usually takes us through a bookstore where we enjoy coffee in the coffee shop attached to it. Every time we go we see one particular couple sitting there reading the books and magazines but never bothering to buy anything.

The place is not a library. These bookstores are striving to stay alive and make a profit. I'm torn about whether to approach the couple, the management, or let them continue abusing the generosity of the store by never making a purchase. -- MALL PATROL

DEAR MALL PATROL: Do not take it upon yourselves to shame that couple, which could lead to an ugly argument. Your efforts would be better spent if you talk to the store manager about what you have observed and let that person handle it from there. (For all we know, the "offenders" may be Mr. Barnes and Ms. Noble.)

DEAR ABBY: After a lot of talk and no action, I finally made the decision to further my education with a master's degree. At present, I have one more required undergraduate credit to complete at the local university. My husband and I are excited that I finally made the decision and am following through.

The problem is my mother-in-law. She has told everyone I have been accepted into the master's program at a prestigious school in my area -- one I am hoping to get into. Abby, we recently threw a surprise party for her mother and everyone was congratulating me. I was embarrassed and had to correct them, saying that was my hope, but I haven't yet applied.

I have asked her to please stop, but it continues. I know she's excited and proud of me, and for that I am thankful, but now I'm incredibly nervous that if I don't get in I'll look like a failure. Suggestions? -- NERVOUS IN THE EAST

DEAR NERVOUS: I am unsure why your mother-in-law would continue to spread information she knows isn't true. Perhaps it's wishful thinking. If you tell her that what she's doing only increases the pressure on you, she may pipe down, but don't count on it.

Because you can't control what comes out of her mouth -- and the cat is out of the bag, so to speak -- you have two choices. Gain admission to that master's program or, if that doesn't turn out to be possible, level with the people who prematurely congratulate you and explain that your MIL jumped the gun and acceptance wasn't a sure thing. The only thing you shouldn't do is allow yourself to be embarrassed about it.

DEAR ABBY: A recent death in my family has affected me greatly. Her love for others was boundless; her enthusiasm for life unparalleled. Her sense of humor was remarkable. When my spirits were down, she greeted me with love every day and was a positive influence.

I'm speaking about my labradoodle, Molly. I was lucky enough to have her in my life for nine years. My problem is, people don't get it. Molly was family. I loved her, she died and I'm heartbroken. I'm being told to "get over it" -- she was "just a dog."

I understand that some people don't like dogs and that's OK. What I don't get is that they can't seem to grasp that I have experienced a great loss. Am I being silly? I feel like I have lost a child. Your input would be greatly appreciated. -- GRIEVING IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR GRIEVING: You are not being silly. Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your precious Molly.

Unless someone has experienced what you have, it can be difficult to empathize. Because you are grieving, I hope you will reach out to Molly's veterinarian and ask if he or she knows about a support group you can join to help you through this difficult period. Being able to discuss all of your feelings with people who have suffered the same loss can be healing.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old woman with two young children (11 and 9). "Andrew" and I have been dating for almost a year, still learning about each other and building a foundation for our relationship.

My family recently told some other family members that I am "too pretty" to be dating Andrew and I "can do much better." My younger sister even said Andrew isn't good-looking enough and I need to find someone who matches my beauty as well as my heart. Shocked, I told her Andrew has been wonderful to me and my kids, and his looks don't bother me.

My last boyfriend was very good-looking but turned out to be a horrible person. He assaulted me, dumped me on the side of a highway and stole my car. Fortunately, a passerby stopped and helped me. After getting a restraining order and going to court, I decided my next boyfriend would be a good-hearted man with character regardless of his looks. Should I confront my family about their comments? -- GENUINELY HAPPY

DEAR GENUINELY HAPPY: Mark Twain once said, "It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you." I think it applies here. Do not "confront" your family. Just tell them you feel that their comments are shallow and hurtful, and reflect more on them than on your boyfriend.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl. My friend "Bailey" and I both like the same boy but didn't want him to come between us. We made a pact that we wouldn't ask him out.

Bailey can be selfish, and I know she'd say yes if he asked her. When I told her my friendship with her meant more to me than the boy, she laughed and said that meant she'd get him. I'm not sure what to do. I have liked him longer than she has, and I think he likes me back. He knows me much better at least.

If he asks me, should I say yes and risk my friend getting hurt, even though I know she'd say yes in my place? -- A READER IN MISSOURI

DEAR READER: When you told Bailey your friendship with her meant more than the boy, her response showed that your friendship is less important to her than he is, and the pact means nothing to her. If the boy likes you, he will probably ask you out to do something. If he does -- and your parents agree -- you should accept. I say this because I don't think Bailey is a true friend at all.

DEAR ABBY: If someone organizes a trip for a nonprofit organization and charges a fee, and later finds out that, due to certain circumstances, the trip didn't cost as much, should the money be refunded to the people who took the trip or be given to the organization? -- JUST ASKING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR JUST: Because the trip was under the auspices of the organization, return the money to the organization and let them decide whether it should be refunded to the individuals.