DEAR ABBY: My husband met a gal 33 years younger than he is at a doctor's office. It seems they "became close," so they went off and bought real estate together in another state. They spend weeks at a time together there alone.

When they are both here in town, they have "business" meetings several times a week. I am not allowed to attend, know when they take place or even ask what was discussed. They never have phone conversations while I'm near, and their texts to each other are "none of my business."

My husband's words: "I don't know why you're so mad; you're just jealous." Your thoughts, please? -- PEEVED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PEEVED: You live in a community property state. Half of your husband's share of whatever property he and this woman bought together belongs to you.

My first thought is your husband is having a fling and lying about not knowing why you are angry. He's right that you are jealous. You have every right to be.

My second thought is that you should consult an attorney ASAP. I don't know how much you know about your husband's finances, but a forensic accountant can help you unearth any assets he may be hiding or has already buried. After that, it will be up to you to decide whether you want to continue in a marriage with someone who would treat you so shabbily.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I treated our 24-year-old granddaughter to dinner and a historical city tour. When we stopped by to pick her up, she came out of the house wearing a skin-tight top that laced up the front, with a 3-inch gap from top to bottom and no bra.

My first reaction was to ask her to change, thinking it was highly inappropriate. Her grandfather thought we should just let it go, so we went out for the evening. Nothing was mentioned regarding her attire, but I was extremely uncomfortable. What is your opinion? -- BUTTONED UP IN INDIANA

DEAR BUTTONED UP: Your granddaughter is an adult. For you to have asked her to change clothes would have been awkward for everyone concerned. While her choice of outfit may have been revealing, if there was any embarrassment, it should not have been yours. If you prefer she dress more modestly when she's with you, the next time you invite her to go someplace, say so.

DEAR ABBY: Allow me to offer a tip for those men about to pop the "big question" to their girlfriends: Let your fiancee pick out the ring style she will be wearing for the rest of her life. Arrange with a jeweler to have a tray of rings in different styles in your price range. Then present a ring with the proposal with the understanding it can be exchanged. -- WISE SOUTHERNER

DEAR SOUTHERNER: This is a subject that has been addressed in my column several times. A practical way to handle it is for the man to talk to the jeweler about what he can afford to spend beforehand, so the stones will be available to display to his fiancee, as well as a variety of settings from which she can choose. And, if none are to her liking, she might prefer the option of designing her own setting. Many brides do.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 40 years. Like most people, we've had our good times and bad, but we've both been committed to the marriage, and so we've made it work.

Now I'm faced with a problem for which I see no solution. My husband refuses to learn to use a computer. He knows nothing about computers, not even how to turn one on!

As you know, computers are now key to even the most fundamental tasks. That means, as the only computer user in the house, all tasks are my responsibility. Banking, bill paying, communication with family, friends, lawyers, financial advisers, arrangements for social events, business meetings, medical appointments, travel and other activities are totally up to me. He does none of it! He washes the dishes and takes out the trash, but any function that requires brains and technology are totally left to me.

I'm tired! Is this fair? I've asked many times for him to go to our public library and take lessons on computer use, but he adamantly refuses. How do I handle this? -- IT'S ALL ON ME IN NEW YORK

DEAR ALL ON YOU: After 40 years you are not going to change your husband, so appreciate the things he does do. I know you're tired and it may not seem fair, but grit your teeth and forge ahead.

You have no idea how lucky you really are. Many wives know little or nothing about the family finances. If something unforeseen happens to their husbands, they are left scrambling to learn about realities for which they are not equipped.

P.S. Consider asking your husband what he would do in the case of your sudden death. He, too, would be left completely adrift. It couldn't hurt to warn him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow, and I often dine out with my youngest son. Invariably, because I have a 25-year-old man with me and no husband, we are shown to an undesirable table in the restaurant. Usually, I say nothing.

This evening, we were escorted to a room way in the back of a large restaurant (two-thirds full). The only other occupants were a couple with two small children who looked to be about 2 or 3. When I requested a different table, my son was furious. He said what I had done was rude.

We were moved to another table. It was between the hostess station and the kitchen door. I sat there and said nothing. This was an expensive restaurant, and our bill was more than $100. Was I rude? I would appreciate your opinion. -- NEW SEAT IN FLORIDA

DEAR NEW SEAT: Your son was mistaken. To ask to be seated at a table in a different part of the restaurant was not rude; it was your prerogative. If you preferred a location in the front of the place rather than near the kitchen or a family with small children, you should have repeated your request. And if the host or hostess had a problem with it, you should have left and enjoyed dinner at a restaurant more accommodating than that one.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: The eight days of Hanukkah begin at sundown. Happy Hanukkah, everyone! May we all enjoy a joyous festival of lights.

DEAR ABBY: My only sister has been "borrowing" money from me every month for years. She has a ton of credit card debt and cannot afford to meet her monthly financial obligations.

Last year my husband and I paid her property taxes for her so she wouldn't lose her house. It was over $5,000. She promised to pay us back with her tax return money, but we never saw a dime.

I have given her information on debt consolidation programs and offered to pay for her to file bankruptcy, but she has done nothing to improve her financial situation.

She works and makes OK money. Her husband is disabled, but gets Social Security and a small pension. She also supports her adult child, who doesn't work, and she smokes like a chimney.

I have told her many times that I can't keep giving her money, but she still asks every month. This is causing a strain in my marriage. I don't know what else to do. Any words of advice would be appreciated. -- TIRED OF BEING ASKED FOR MONEY

DEAR TIRED: You are a caring sister, but what you have done out of love and charity has allowed your sister to continue living beyond her means. The next time she asks for money, remind her that you have already given her information about debt consolidation, and that you will no longer continue pouring your and your husband's hard-earned money down a bottomless pit. Then stick to your guns.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I, 21 years happily married, have a recurring problem. It rarely happens, but when it does, it causes an argument.

A recent example: Late the other evening, my husband, adult daughter and I were returning home from a hockey game in separate cars due to our work schedules before the game. There are several routes to get home from where we were. I followed my daughter, while my husband took a different route to get home faster.

I think it would have been a chivalrous and fatherly thing for him to follow us and make sure we made it home safely. I got angry that he didn't do it, and it turned into a huge argument. My grown daughters and I are fiercely feminist and independent, but I still think it would have been the caring thing to do. My own father would, even after I was 40, and he still does it to this day.

It didn't bother my daughter, but it bothered me. What are your thoughts, Abby? If you think it's not an issue, I will let it go from now on. -- TO FOLLOW OR NOT TO FOLLOW

DEAR TO FOLLOW: Your father comes from a generation in which men were taught it was their duty to protect the females in their family. Your spouse is the husband of a fiercely feminist wife and the father of a daughter cut from the same cloth. Independent women do not need to be followed home unless they request it because they assume they can handle whatever happens themselves -- particularly if they are traveling in twos. You can't have it both ways.

You say you have a happy marriage. Please give your husband a break.