DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married to "Roger" for 20 years and have two kids still at home. They are pretty independent now, but my husband was very involved in coaching and volunteering when they were younger.

Sometimes when Roger and I take walks, we run into children playing in a yard or biking up and down the block. If they initiate conversation, I'll smile at them and respond with a quick "hi" or "nice bike" and keep walking, but my husband will stop to chat or listen to what they say. I have told him not to do that regardless of whether they seem willing. My fear is that an overprotective mom (like many of us moms) glancing out the window and seeing a middle-aged stranger talking to their child may assume the worst.

I know Roger loves kids, and we both sometimes miss the younger years when kids could be more open and talk with adults, but times have changed. This used to happen more often when we'd go swimming with our kids and other kids who were bored and not closely supervised would be looking for other people playing together to join. I used to worry then that if I wasn't there it could be misconstrued, although my fears never came to pass.

Do you agree that adults (and especially male adults) have to be overly cautious about engaging in any communication with an unaccompanied child? -- CHANGING TIMES IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CHANGING TIMES: I think (regrettably) that the answer to your question is yes. Because fears of molestation are so prevalent now, males do have to be more circumspect with minor children than they did years ago. Frankly, that's a shame, because kids gain so much confidence by knowing an adult is interested in what they have to say. Consider staying with your husband during these friendly instances as a "buffer."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have two homes. We summer in Michigan and winter in Florida. To save money on maintenance, I'd like to sell the house in Michigan and move permanently to Florida. My husband doesn't want to be in Florida during the summer, but he also does not want to be in Michigan in the winter. He won't make a decision, but he leans toward living in Michigan full time.

Because I don't like living up north in the winter, I have told him I'll be staying all year in Florida starting in January to see how it is. He plans to return to Michigan. Our Florida home is older, so to come out ahead financially, we would need to sell our place in Michigan in order to buy a newer one in Florida. Any ideas on how this could be settled? -- WARMER WEATHER

DEAR WARMER WEATHER: Your idea about living for a "trial year" in Florida isn't a bad one. After spending a hot, humid summer there, you might change your mind about relocating permanently. You state that your reason for wanting to sell the Michigan home is you want a newer one than the place you presently own down south. Perhaps you could satisfy yourself and your spouse by simply spending some money to update the old one a bit. Please consider it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of three and happily married to my kids' father. I am now seven months pregnant with my fourth baby, but this child is not my husband's. My husband is a loving man and a good father. My problem is, I don't know how to tell him I'm not carrying his baby. The man I slept with is married and always saying he wants to marry me. He has one son with his wife. I love my kids, and I still love my husband. How can I tell him the truth without tearing my family apart? -- BIG MISTAKE

DEAR BIG MISTAKE: Not knowing your husband, I can't guess at how he will react when you break the news. I'm sure he won't be pleased to hear it. Regardless, he must be told, so do it at a time when it's calm and quiet and you can discuss it without your children running in and out. I am sure he will have many questions -- among them, whether you plan to continue a relationship with the child's father. (Does the man plan to be part of the baby's life in years to come?)

Because this may have legal ramifications, discuss this with an attorney, who can guide you in case there may be visitation issues, custody problems, etc. lurking just beyond the horizon.

DEAR ABBY: I talked with one of my siblings about having a joint vacation. He suggested all of us get together with our spouses and go on one together. We discussed locations and had a family meeting to discuss the possibility. We're all in our 50s or older, and some of us have health issues.

There has always been a lot of bickering between some of us because of control issues. I explained to everyone that we can make our requests for locations, activities, etc., but we all need to be willing to give a little. The bickering is continuing, and some unkind things were said about others.

I just want to plan a fun vacation and have a good time, but I'm worried the negativity will carry over to the vacation. We are all we have left in this world. Our parents died years ago, and since then, one of our siblings has passed away, too. I worry that this may be a last chance for all of us to be together. All but one live within 10 miles of each other, and I'm sad to say we get together only a few times a year. Any suggestions on how to handle this sticky situation? -- IN VACATION MODE

DEAR VACATION MODE: Taking into consideration the family dynamics you have described, it's wishful thinking to believe you can control the way your siblings relate to each other. The reason they see each other so infrequently may have something to do with the fact that some of them are petty, immature and nasty. My suggestion would be to invite only those siblings who can get along with each other and see the other ones separately.

DEAR ABBY: I met my boyfriend, "Matt," when I was a sophomore in high school. We started dating when I was a senior. By then, he was already active-duty military. We weren't serious at the time (his decision, not mine). We've always had a long-distance relationship.

During his first deployment, Matt broke up with me. He told me he didn't want to see me again when he came home, although I begged him to change his mind. When he came home last year, he felt differently, and we've been together since then. Abby, he once told me after he'd been drinking that "he didn't think we were soul mates" and that "it wouldn't be him sitting next to me when we're 80." He is, however, very reliable and caring. My family loves him and he has a solid life plan.

Matt is now on his second deployment, and we don't get to talk more than about once a month. I recently met another guy at college, and I have fallen completely in love with him. We get along easily and he makes me laugh. I have never felt this way about any other guy before, but I also haven't known him very long.

I worked hard to be with Matt, and we have been through a lot together. I won't see him in person for at least six more months. I don't know what to do. Advice? -- CONFLICTED IN THE EAST

DEAR CONFLICTED: Punt! Real life is more than a bundle of laughs. Do not break up with Matt and do not commit to this new man until Matt is again stateside and sober. Only then will you be in a position to make an informed decision about a future with either one of them.

DEAR ABBY: I had a rough time during my teenage and young adult years. One of the ways I dealt with it was by cutting myself. It became more severe over the years, and both my arms are covered with very noticeable scars.

Life is much better now, and my wife and I are expecting our first child. I have been trying to decide how I'm going to explain the scars to my child when he or she is older. I realize this will likely be a series of age-appropriate conversations. I don't want my child to follow in my footsteps, and I'm afraid to rationalize my behavior. How do I explain them? -- BETTER NOW IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR BETTER NOW: I agree that you should answer your child's questions in an age-appropriate way if you are asked. When your child is little, he or she may be satisfied if you simply say, "Daddy hurt himself." When he or she is older, add more detail as necessary. Because a tendency toward depression can run in some families, it's important to make a special effort to keep the lines of communication open when it comes to "feelings." If you are unsure how to handle this, consult your child's pediatrician for guidance.