DEAR ABBY: I met my boyfriend, "Matt," when I was a sophomore in high school. We started dating when I was a senior. By then, he was already active-duty military. We weren't serious at the time (his decision, not mine). We've always had a long-distance relationship.

During his first deployment, Matt broke up with me. He told me he didn't want to see me again when he came home, although I begged him to change his mind. When he came home last year, he felt differently, and we've been together since then. Abby, he once told me after he'd been drinking that "he didn't think we were soul mates" and that "it wouldn't be him sitting next to me when we're 80." He is, however, very reliable and caring. My family loves him and he has a solid life plan.

Matt is now on his second deployment, and we don't get to talk more than about once a month. I recently met another guy at college, and I have fallen completely in love with him. We get along easily and he makes me laugh. I have never felt this way about any other guy before, but I also haven't known him very long.

I worked hard to be with Matt, and we have been through a lot together. I won't see him in person for at least six more months. I don't know what to do. Advice? -- CONFLICTED IN THE EAST

DEAR CONFLICTED: Punt! Real life is more than a bundle of laughs. Do not break up with Matt and do not commit to this new man until Matt is again stateside and sober. Only then will you be in a position to make an informed decision about a future with either one of them.

DEAR ABBY: I had a rough time during my teenage and young adult years. One of the ways I dealt with it was by cutting myself. It became more severe over the years, and both my arms are covered with very noticeable scars.

Life is much better now, and my wife and I are expecting our first child. I have been trying to decide how I'm going to explain the scars to my child when he or she is older. I realize this will likely be a series of age-appropriate conversations. I don't want my child to follow in my footsteps, and I'm afraid to rationalize my behavior. How do I explain them? -- BETTER NOW IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR BETTER NOW: I agree that you should answer your child's questions in an age-appropriate way if you are asked. When your child is little, he or she may be satisfied if you simply say, "Daddy hurt himself." When he or she is older, add more detail as necessary. Because a tendency toward depression can run in some families, it's important to make a special effort to keep the lines of communication open when it comes to "feelings." If you are unsure how to handle this, consult your child's pediatrician for guidance.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 26 years. We have a daughter, 25, who recently graduated from college. We will have a small gathering of close friends and family to celebrate.

During our entire marriage, anytime we invited my in-laws to birthday parties or other special occasions, they never accepted unless we agreed for the event to take place in one of their homes. I feel at this point they no longer deserve more invites. Although they were invited to attend the graduation, of course they refused.

My husband feels we should invite them, even though he knows they won't come. I feel they don't deserve any more invitations, but my husband refuses to agree. I have never been unpleasant to them or spoken about how I have felt about their snubs. My daughter has also reached the point of not caring if they are included because she feels the same way I do. Am I wrong for feeling this way? -- SNUBBED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR SNUBBED: Not knowing why your in-laws are reluctant to celebrate milestones with you outside their homes, I can't guess their reason. However, you are entitled to your feelings, and from my perspective, you should have asked them the rationale for their reluctance years ago.

That said, I do not think this is the time to punish them, particularly because your husband feels so strongly about it. They are his family. Send them the invitation and you'll be beyond reproach. Who knows? They may surprise you and attend. However, if they don't, it will be on their heads and not yours.

DEAR ABBY: I'm turning 30, and I have had many relationships. Some of them lasted more than a year, but many have been short-lived. I have been engaged once and proposed to three times. It's a joke among my friends that I'm a serial dater, but I don't feel it's worth my time to sit around and be depressed about something that's not working out.

I have been seeing someone now for the last four months, and I can honestly say I have never felt this way before. We complement one another in so many ways and have much to learn from each other as well. I'm as in love with him as he is with me.

My issue is, nobody around me takes it seriously because I have had so many relationships and "loved" so many times. I try to tell them this is different, but they brush him off as just another guy who will be gone with the wind someday.

I don't want to take it personally, and I'm not usually the type to care about what others think, but it irks me because I am so passionate about this man. Should I try harder to make them understand, or just enjoy the love that I'm in? -- LOVER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR LOVER: Just be happy. Sometimes the harder we try to sell something, the more resistant the buyer becomes. You do not have to convince anyone that this is the real thing. As the relationship develops, those around you will see it for themselves.

DEAR ABBY: My brother was adopted at birth through an agency, but he was never told. He's in his mid-50s now. We have no other siblings. Our parents never felt my brother was emotionally strong enough to accept the news of his adoption. Our father passed on years ago, and our mother is now elderly.

From a health care point of view, I think my brother should know, but I don't feel I have the right to tell him while Mom is living (she is adamant that he must not know, especially after so long). It seems wrong, however, to tell him after our parents are both dead and they can't explain anything to him, and it may be too late for him to contact his birth parents. I'm sure he will be very angry, and I would prefer to keep the secret. Should I tell him he is adopted after our mother passes away? -- IN A QUANDARY

DEAR QUANDARY: No, you should tell him now -- while it may be possible for him to get the answers to the many questions he is sure to have from his mother.

DEAR ABBY: Many households no longer use landlines and rely on cellphones. It could save someone's life if they would enter the phone number of the sheriff's office of the county in which they reside to ensure there's a backup to the frequently overloaded 911 system.

This is important, especially if you have two homes. However, it's also a good idea for people who own a single residence. In rural areas, it can take a long time to locate someone calling from a cellphone, which is no replacement for a landline in an emergency. -- BE PREPARED

DEAR PREPARED: Thank you for the suggestion. Many people forget that cellphones -- unlike landlines -- are not connected to a network from which their location will automatically appear on a screen when they call an emergency number. With cellphones, the caller must verbally give the dispatcher the location of the emergency.

DEAR ABBY: I want to let go of all past hurts, disappointments and bad things that have happened. I want them gone from my life. I don't want to walk around angry and bitter all the time, but I am taken all the way back to the original feelings when they are triggered. I want to truly forgive, whether it's myself, others or even God. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. -- TRYING TO LET IT GO

DEAR TRYING: If you're asking me for amnesia, I can't provide it. What you're experiencing is normal, as long as you don't spend the majority of your time reflecting on past hurts and anger.

When you catch yourself dwelling on long-gone painful incidents, do not waste your happier present by allowing them to take up any more space in your here and now. Take a deep breath, release it, then tell yourself out loud, "That was then. This is now!" Then move from that location and concentrate on a different subject.

I know it can be done, because I have done it. And if I can do it, anyone can.