DEAR ABBY: My brother was adopted at birth through an agency, but he was never told. He's in his mid-50s now. We have no other siblings. Our parents never felt my brother was emotionally strong enough to accept the news of his adoption. Our father passed on years ago, and our mother is now elderly.
From a health care point of view, I think my brother should know, but I don't feel I have the right to tell him while Mom is living (she is adamant that he must not know, especially after so long). It seems wrong, however, to tell him after our parents are both dead and they can't explain anything to him, and it may be too late for him to contact his birth parents. I'm sure he will be very angry, and I would prefer to keep the secret. Should I tell him he is adopted after our mother passes away? -- IN A QUANDARY
DEAR QUANDARY: No, you should tell him now -- while it may be possible for him to get the answers to the many questions he is sure to have from his mother.