DEAR ABBY: My brother was adopted at birth through an agency, but he was never told. He's in his mid-50s now. We have no other siblings. Our parents never felt my brother was emotionally strong enough to accept the news of his adoption. Our father passed on years ago, and our mother is now elderly.

From a health care point of view, I think my brother should know, but I don't feel I have the right to tell him while Mom is living (she is adamant that he must not know, especially after so long). It seems wrong, however, to tell him after our parents are both dead and they can't explain anything to him, and it may be too late for him to contact his birth parents. I'm sure he will be very angry, and I would prefer to keep the secret. Should I tell him he is adopted after our mother passes away? -- IN A QUANDARY

DEAR QUANDARY: No, you should tell him now -- while it may be possible for him to get the answers to the many questions he is sure to have from his mother.

DEAR ABBY: Many households no longer use landlines and rely on cellphones. It could save someone's life if they would enter the phone number of the sheriff's office of the county in which they reside to ensure there's a backup to the frequently overloaded 911 system.

This is important, especially if you have two homes. However, it's also a good idea for people who own a single residence. In rural areas, it can take a long time to locate someone calling from a cellphone, which is no replacement for a landline in an emergency. -- BE PREPARED

DEAR PREPARED: Thank you for the suggestion. Many people forget that cellphones -- unlike landlines -- are not connected to a network from which their location will automatically appear on a screen when they call an emergency number. With cellphones, the caller must verbally give the dispatcher the location of the emergency.

DEAR ABBY: I want to let go of all past hurts, disappointments and bad things that have happened. I want them gone from my life. I don't want to walk around angry and bitter all the time, but I am taken all the way back to the original feelings when they are triggered. I want to truly forgive, whether it's myself, others or even God. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. -- TRYING TO LET IT GO

DEAR TRYING: If you're asking me for amnesia, I can't provide it. What you're experiencing is normal, as long as you don't spend the majority of your time reflecting on past hurts and anger.

When you catch yourself dwelling on long-gone painful incidents, do not waste your happier present by allowing them to take up any more space in your here and now. Take a deep breath, release it, then tell yourself out loud, "That was then. This is now!" Then move from that location and concentrate on a different subject.

I know it can be done, because I have done it. And if I can do it, anyone can.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending me a note. We had been together for 14 years. His boss had introduced him to a twice-divorced woman with three kids. What really hurts me is he started his new relationship with a lie. He told her he wasn't involved with anyone.

He just contacted me to tell me they are engaged. I feel bad for his fiancee and her kids because he is very self-centered. When we dated, we never went anywhere. He only wanted to watch TV. I don't want her to end up with a broken heart like I did. Abby, does the truth ever win out? -- BROKENHEARTED JERSEY GAL

DEAR GAL: Yes, sometimes it does, but in this case, it's not going to bring your boyfriend back. The truth is, you are still heartbroken about losing him. He and his fiancee have been together for two years. By now she knows him pretty well. I doubt there is anything you could say at this point that would break them up, so stop looking backward and start looking toward your own future. Only then will your broken heart heal.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a wonderful man. However, over the last few years he has developed an annoying habit of telling jokes wherever we go and to whomever we interact with. Most times his jokes are off-color.

He does it in mixed company when we are out to dinner with friends. It embarrasses me, and I feel it's demeaning to women in general. I'm afraid he's getting a reputation of being a dirty old man. Most of the jokes are ones he hears at the gym where he works out every day.

I have asked him to stop, but he thinks he's being funny and no one minds, so he continues doing it. I have threatened that the next time he does it I'll leave the table and go home. How else do I handle this? -- LOSING MY SENSE OF HUMOR

DEAR LOSING YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR: You say you are friendly with these couples. If that's the case, discuss this with some of the other wives. Tell them how you feel, and ask them how they feel about your husband's jokes. If they, too, find them embarrassing, you might get your message across more effectively if you -- and they -- tell your husband as a group that you'd like him to stop.

DEAR ABBY: I work with a woman who has turned in her retirement papers for the end of next month. However, I know from a reliable source that she's pushing the company to allow her to come back and work part-time after she retires.

I was assigned the task of planning her retirement party and have also been invited to a surprise party being given by her daughter. Should we be having a retirement party if she isn't really leaving the company? -- RETIRED IN THE EAST

DEAR RETIRED: This is a question you should be asking your supervisor or boss. Whether your co-worker will be allowed to return and work on a part-time basis is something neither of us can predict. So unless you are instructed to the contrary, you should perform your task as directed.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an active, 60-something wife, mother and grandmother who was recently diagnosed with early stage Parkinson's disease. From all outward appearances, I appear healthy and I'm living my life as normally as possible, as my neurologist suggested.

My symptom manifests as a right-sided (dominant side) hand tremor that I try to hide as much as possible. Covering my hand with a napkin in a restaurant, sliding it under my leg or putting it into my pocket has worked so far to prevent the tremors from being noticed. This is not going to work for long.

My immediate family members are aware of my condition, but I haven't told extended family, friends or acquaintances about my situation. I become very emotional when discussing it and break down and cry. Can you suggest how to broach this subject, and when to tell others about my condition? Your guidance would be very much appreciated. -- HIDING AS MUCH AS I CAN

DEAR HIDING: I'm sorry about your difficult diagnosis, but I hope you have done some research and are comforted that there have been advances in the treatment of your illness. We both know that at some point a sharp-eyed friend or relative will notice the tremor and ask about it. That's why I think it's important you be proactive about what's going on. However, if you would prefer to be spared tearful conversations you would rather avoid, ask one of your loved ones to let the others know. Because immediate family members already know, chances are the information will spread that way, too.

DEAR ABBY: My family is the definition of dysfunctional. We all honestly could use some therapy after everything we've been through. I feel like I'm the only rational person in my family. I am the only one who sought professional help.

My sister "Alexa" is a narcissist. I realized it a long time ago. My mother is in denial, and she continues to push me to have a relationship with her. Speaking to Alexa is emotionally draining. Every time she's mentioned, I get flashbacks about the ways she abused me. Being in the same room with her is uncomfortable. The saving grace is that we live a thousand miles apart, and I'm not forced to interact with her daily.

She's getting married next year and wants me and my children to be in the wedding. I accepted because I felt obligated, but I just can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore! After all the years of her abuse and torment, I just want to be free. The problem: I finally put my foot down and told Alexa not to contact me again. Am I being selfish? -- SELFISH IN THE EAST

DEAR SELFISH: I don't think so. However, because you accepted that responsibility before telling her not to contact you again, you should contact her and ask if she has changed her plans about you and your children being in her wedding. (You may be pleasantly surprised to find her answer is yes.) However, if she hasn't, be upfront with her now so your sister will have time to replace you in her wedding party.