life

Nonagenarian Is Eager to Share a Long Lifetime of Experiences

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 13th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 91. I have outlived many of my longtime friends. In my address book I counted 22 pals whose names I have crossed out after they died. These were people we danced, dined and traveled with. Only five members of the old gang are left, but they've all dispersed. Making new friends is difficult for people our age because we are not out and about as much.

Lonely? Yes, a bit. At holidays, some family members are good at extending themselves toward this old geezer, which I appreciate. When they look up from their cellphones, they discover I have something to contribute. I experienced the Depression, a variety of wars and many new inventions.

Abby, please remind your readers how much we appreciate those who engage us socially in some way. Many of us are past our warranty and won't be available to answer questions much longer. -- OLD GEEZER OUT WEST

DEAR OLD GEEZER: I'm pleased to put the word out. Readers, our senior citizens have much wisdom to offer. They can also be great fun to be around. However, they are a diminishing resource. "Geezer" is right. They won't be around forever, so engage with them while you can. For that matter, neither will some of you when you're their age. Because isolation isn't healthy for anyone, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Friends & NeighborsDeath
life

Man Makes No Effort to Tame His Wandering Eye

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 13th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: How can I get my husband to stop checking out other women in front of me? I have repeatedly told him it makes me feel bad. If I can refrain from looking at other men while I'm in his company, why can't he do the same for me? It makes me feel like I'm not good enough. -- SAD WIFE IN ARKANSAS

DEAR WIFE: Please accept my sympathy. Since you have made clear to your husband that what he's doing bothers you, perhaps it's time to accept that you married a disrespectful, classless boor. While many men look at women other than their wives, most of them do it discreetly to avoid hurt feelings.

Because what he's doing is disrespectful, try viewing it from a different perspective. It's not that you're not good enough for your husband, but rather that he's not good enough for you.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Prescription Sunglasses Attract Unwelcome Compliments

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 13th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently wore a pair of sunglasses to work for the first time and received a lot of compliments on my "style." How can I get my co-workers to stop complimenting me? I have told them a number of times the glasses were prescribed by my doctor to protect my sensitive eyes, and I'm not trying to make a fashion statement. It makes me uncomfortable when they say the glasses look "cute" or "work well with my outfit." How do I nicely get them to stop bringing attention to my medical issue? -- WORRIED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WORRIED: Your co-workers probably mean well, but tell them their comments embarrass you and you would prefer not to be constantly reminded about your eye sensitivity. Then ask them to please stop doing it, and I'm sure they will comply.

Health & SafetyWork & School
life

Plans for Happy Future Are Upset by Return of Old Rival

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 12th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I had a baby girl with my longtime best friend, "Adam." "April" is now 3 weeks old. I thought everything would be OK as co-parents because, even though we're not together, we get along and almost never fight.

Six weeks before April was born, Adam began seeing a girl we both knew from high school. The girl, "Jenny," and I have a horrible past. She used to bully me.

My problem with Jenny being around is she's disrespectful. She and Adam argue all the time because she forces things that shouldn't be a problem into becoming a problem. When I visit so Adam can see April, Jenny often interjects her own opinions about my baby as if she knows better than I do.

I recently found out that Adam is planning to marry Jenny. We have been fighting because I don't want her around my daughter. Adam believes it's not fair to push her out of the room when April is around, and that Jenny should be a part of family events reserved for only parents and the child, like taking formal pictures and such.

Am I irrational or crazy? I care about Adam because of our long history of friendship. I did a lot to help him get off drugs and keep his life together, and now here she is messing it up. I told him if he's happy with her, then fine, but I don't want Jenny around my baby. We cannot seem to come to an agreement unless I fold. -- CO-PARENTING ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR CO-PARENTING: You are neither irrational nor crazy. I'm sorry your relationship with Adam didn't work out as you had hoped it would. However, if Adam marries Jenny, she will be April's stepmother. It would be unrealistic for you to expect she leave the room when you bring the baby to visit her daddy. In that case, it might be better if you accept the things you cannot change.

Friends & NeighborsFamily & ParentingLove & Dating
life

New Ownership Could Upset Dynamics in Family's House

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 12th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Allan's," great-grandfather recently passed away. We lived with him, as did Allan's mother and uncle. Allan was his full-time caregiver.

My fiance's mother is thinking about buying the house and says we should all pay rent to her. I have lived here for six years and I'm comfortable here. The one thing I'm wary about is, if it becomes her house, that she'll start treating us like children.

Allan and I are in our late 20s. I'm not comfortable walking on eggshells, and I'm afraid she will make it clear that we are living in her house. In my opinion, if people are paying rent, it should feel like their home, too.

Am I being a brat? And once it becomes her house, should I just lay all my worries on the line to her? -- NOT A CHILD IN THE WEST

DEAR NOT A CHILD: You are not being a brat. You are an adult, and an intelligent one. By all means lay all your concerns on the table -- the sooner the better. That way, Allan's mother can either allay them, or you and your fiance can make plans to find another place to live. If his mother needs the income that would come from having renters, she may be less inclined to behave as you fear.

MoneyDeathFamily & Parenting
life

Spouse Can't Fix What's Broken Between Wife and Her Mother

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 11th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I met four years ago, have been married for two and I still haven't met her mother. My mother-in-law, a homophobic, self-proclaimed "evangelist prophet," refuses to acknowledge our union.

Her behavior upsets my wife, which angers me to the point that I have no desire to ever cross paths with her. My wife sometimes cries about this wedge in their relationship, which only makes me resent my mother-in-law more. Is there something I should do or say to either of them that might possibly help all of us deal with this turmoil a little better? -- FRUSTRATED LESBIAN-IN-LAW

DEAR FRUSTRATED: If the wedge in your wife's relationship with her evangelist prophet mother is that she is a lesbian and married, there is nothing you can do. Your mother-in-law will either, with time, come to accept it (don't hold your breath), or your wife will learn through counseling that it is not her responsibility to sacrifice her happiness to please her mother. I hope you will encourage your wife to do that.

Family & Parenting
life

Apple Tossed out Car Window Seeds Debate

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 11th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been a daily reader of your column since I was a little girl, so your answer to my question will be valued.

I eat an apple every day on my drive home from work, and when I'm done, I toss the core out the window. I try my best to support the Earth, and I believe I am feeding the rabbits and birds with my apple a day. Friends insist that what I'm doing is littering and helping neither the furry friends nor the environment. Can you help solve the debate -- to toss or not to toss? Thanks! -- AN APPLE A DAY

DEAR A.A.A.D.: I, too, love our furry and feathered creatures, but I agree with your friends. What you are doing is littering, regardless of how you're rationalizing it. If you truly want to support the Earth, keep a small container in your vehicle for the apple core and dispose of it when you get home.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Teen Has Second Thoughts About Readiness to Date

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 11th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I just got together with a guy I really like. We have been dating for about a week, but now I realize I'm just not ready to start dating. I'm 15 and I don't feel I'm mature enough. Also, I don't want a boyfriend because I'm moving in a month. Help! I don't know if I should break up with him. What do I do? -- CALIFORNIA TEEN

DEAR CALIFORNIA TEEN: Because you are moving in about a month, I don't think breaking up in the formal sense is necessary. It couldn't hurt to tell him you think you may have gotten serious too quickly, because getting serious after a week of dating is too quickly. I have a hunch that once you have moved, distance will solve your problem for you.

P.S. Now that you realize you're not ready to date, when you have made the move, take a break from romance and concentrate on your studies. You won't be sorry.

TeensLove & Dating

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