DEAR ABBY: I don't know what to do. I was having an affair with the most wonderful (married) man. I'm sure that he and I were the only ones who knew. He passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. I still go to the place where we met and hung out together. In my mind, I see him walking in and speaking his last words to me.

How do I mourn for him without giving it away? He was cremated, so there's no grave to visit. I end up in tears when I visit "our" place. I need all the advice you have to offer. -- NEEDS HELP IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Please accept my sympathy for your clearly heartfelt loss. Ordinarily I'd suggest you join a grief support group, but I'm afraid if you do, you might run into his widow if you live in the same area.

It might help you to visit the place you met less often. Surely there are less painful places you can go to quietly reflect on your relationship. You might also consider discussing your feelings with a therapist or a trusted, nonjudgmental friend, because keeping these feelings bottled up is not healthy.

DEAR ABBY: There is a nice couple we know who make their own wine. They give us a couple of bottles a year and ask us to return the empties, which we are happy to do.

We love good wine of all kinds. In years past, we have appreciated their wine gifts, although, to be honest, they have been of marginal quality. I usually end up using it for cooking.

We just opened their last gift, Abby, and it is so awful I won't use it even in cooking. My husband and I are now having a disagreement: He says, "Dump it and return the bottle with a thank-you." I say, "Return the leftover wine (minus a 1/4 glass), and say how much we appreciate the thought, but that it just wasn't the flavor we drink." I just don't want them to waste their wine on us and give us any more, as they work hard to make it. Please advise. -- NOT A LIAR IN COLORADO

DEAR NOT A LIAR: It might be kinder to return the empty bottle with a note thanking them and asking them to please not send you more because you are trying to cut back on your alcohol consumption. It's the truth. The alcohol you're trying to cut back on is theirs.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Maria's" quinceanera is next year. We invited her half-siblings to come. But her father's current wife, "Elena," refuses to allow it because Elena is a Jehovah's Witness. Maria will be heartbroken that they won't be there. Is there anything I can do to persuade Elena to let them come, or would it be overstepping my place? -- PROUD MAMA IN KENTUCKY

DEAR PROUD MAMA: If your daughter's half-siblings are being raised as Jehovah's Witnesses, it would be against their religious beliefs to attend her quinceanera. While I don't think it would be overstepping to talk with your ex and his wife and ask if their girls can come, do not be surprised or take it personally if the answer is still no.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 17 years. For the first 16 years, my wife would make me lattes without being asked. Last year, she announced she would no longer make any more lattes for me. When I asked her if she expected me to go the rest of my life without one, she said yes!

Do you think it would be OK if I found another female to make lattes for me? Wouldn't that woman be doing my wife a favor? Hint: I am not really talking about lattes. -- NO MORE LATTES IN KOKOMO

DEAR NO MORE LATTES: Before outsourcing your latte business, it is important that you find out from your wife why her attitude has changed so drastically. Has she lost interest in that kind of beverage preparation? Has making lattes become painful for her? Could there be other issues in your relationship that have made her less interested in giving you your favorite treat?

If the answer to these questions is yes, perhaps she should discuss them with her doctor -- or the two of you talk about them with a licensed marriage counselor. Hint: I'm really not advising you about lattes, either.

DEAR ABBY: After 33 years of what I thought was a near-perfect marriage, my husband walked out and filed for divorce. That was 12 years ago. Since then, I've done my best to move on and find my "next chapter."

I'm now in the process of downsizing to move into a smaller house. While going through my filing cabinet, I ran across some very sweet and touching love letters my ex had written to me -- some of them just a few weeks before he left me. I am having a hard time deciding whether to throw them away or keep them. I know there's no perfect answer, but any advice you could offer to help me make that decision would be appreciated. It's a sensitive topic for me. -- LOVE LETTERS IN TEXAS

DEAR L.L.: I'll bet it is. How does reading those touching love letters make you feel? Be honest. If they bring back warm memories, hang onto them. However, if they have the opposite effect, do yourself a favor, dispose of them and continue looking forward into your next chapter.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a mobile park, and in the park is a group that collects money and runs fundraisers to help the low-income people who live here. They deliver one bag of food to about 10 families once a month.

This group does not disclose how much money was collected -- ever -- and are very secretive about how much they have in their fund. Some of us who live here have raised the question as to how much money they are holding, but they refuse to give us any information. They say they are not a nonprofit, so they don't have to report to the IRS. Is there anything we can do to make them tell us how much is in there? -- MONEY MATTERS

DEAR MONEY MATTERS: There absolutely is. Poll how many of your neighbors feel the way you do, and then, as a group, stop contributing money. If enough residents do that, the money will dry up and the fund will close. Because only 10 families need this kind of help, you and your neighbors should consider selecting families to help and do it directly.

DEAR ABBY: I dated the perfect man for two years. When he asked me to marry him, I had to say yes. He was kind, gentle, attentive, easygoing, full of dreams, great sense of humor, an excellent provider and sexually the best.

Three months after our perfect wedding, it all began to unravel. I learned he is bipolar with manic episodes. He has been married three times before me and always lost interest in sex. He says he may be attracted to men, then tells me he's not sure. He also isn't as good handling his financial affairs as he led me to believe.

I'm 58, and he's 59. How could I not have had a clue about any of this? I sold my house to move into the parsonage with him. After repeatedly being lied to, misinformed or left out of the loop all together, I am now couch-surfing, mainly at my ex-husband's house.

I feel tired and broken -- no income, no home, no respect and no hope of him getting it together. I would appreciate any advice or counsel. All I have figured out is to start over and remain single as he is my third husband. -- THIRD TIME AROUND

DEAR T.T.A.: You will feel less tired and broken after you have consulted a lawyer about helping you get out of this fraudulent marriage. And while you're at it, you and your lawyer should bring this to the attention of the church council or whoever holds the lease on that parsonage. I am sure they will be very interested in what you have to say about the leader of their flock.

DEAR ABBY: When I started dating my husband, "Ralph," 22 years ago, I made it very clear that I would never move to his hometown, which is six hours away. Even though it may seem selfish, my wish was to be near my family. Our relationship progressed anyway. We've been married for 15 years, live in my hometown, and have three little boys.

Ralph is 42, homesick and wants us to move back home now to be around his parents because he's lived around my parents for 15 years. I told him my intentions were made crystal clear before we got married and I wasn't moving. His response was, "So you were worth moving for, but I'm not?"

There are other reasons for my not wanting to move there, but the bottom line is that I wish he had been true to himself before deciding to marry me. I think it's a bit late to be playing this game. I'd like your thoughts, and please give it to me straight. -- STAYING PUT

DEAR STAYING: OK, here they are. I think your husband has a valid point. Marriage is supposed to be about compromise, and for the last 15 years he has lived in your community.

I wish you had shared what your other reasons for being against moving are, because they might have influenced my opinion. But from where I sit, I think you owe it to Ralph to give it a try. Perhaps you and your family could rent out the home you're living in and rent a place in his hometown for a year. That way, if you can't adjust, you would be able to move back near your own family, which appears to be your first priority.