DEAR ABBY: My mom passed away two years ago. Because she was cremated, there is no grave site to pay tribute to her. She lived in Rhode Island; I live in Florida.

My roommate's mother passed last year, and she was buried here in Florida. On Mother's Day, I wanted to pay respects to both of our moms. Because my mom has no grave site, we placed flowers on my roommate's mom's grave in memory of both mothers.

Was it wrong to do this? My roommate is fine with the idea, but others disagree. Abby, what's your take on this? Any other ideas for me to honor my mom? -- MOURNING MY MOM

DEAR MOURNING: If placing flowers on your roommate's mother's grave brought you comfort, then it was exactly the right thing to do. That someone told you there was anything wrong with the way you chose to ease your sense of loss was the height of nerve. If you wish to continue doing it, then you should.

As to other ways to honor your mom, consider making a donation in her memory to a cause that was dear to her or a school she attended. I'm sure both would be appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, his father, grandfather and great-grandfather all share the same first name, which is "Andrew." We hope to carry on the tradition if we are blessed with a baby boy.

My husband's first cousin and his wife have just announced they are having a baby boy and will be using Andrew as a middle name. My husband isn't upset about it, but I am. My husband's cousin claims he simply wanted to name his son after his great-grandfather, but I feel like Andrew isn't his name to use. Am I overreacting? I don't feel right about using the name now if we are blessed to have a son. Am I being selfish? -- IRKED WIFE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR IRKED WIFE: Not only is your attitude selfish, it's also unrealistic. Nobody "owns" the name Andrew. If your husband's cousin and his wife want to honor their great-grandfather (or his memory) in this way, they are free to do so, and it should have no impact on what you name your next male child. (If it's a girl, consider naming her "Andrea.")

DEAR ABBY: My sister has three kids whom I love. However, she and her husband seem to need a baby sitter every single day for one thing or another. In my opinion, if you decide to have three kids, you should be able to incorporate them into your lifestyle. But they use sitters to watch two of them, while they take one to soccer practice or go to the grocery store, etc.

I get annoyed because all this baby-sitting falls on my parents, or sometimes me. I had one -- and only one -- kid for a reason. I resent having to still be in baby mode. Am I wrong to feel we are being ... USED IN LOUISIANA?

DEAR USED: No.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 12-year-old boy with some generosity problems. When my neighborhood friends come to my house, I offer them some things (food, mostly) that are strictly off-limits, but it feels necessary.

Also, these friends bully me, and it's against the rules to play with them, but I want to, so I sneak out to do it. I know I'm not doing the right thing, but I can't help it. Can you help me? -- CAN'T SAY NO

DEAR CAN'T SAY NO: I'll try. But first, you will have to understand and accept that "friends" who bully and take advantage of you are not friends. Giving them things that are "strictly off-limits" may seem necessary, but it won't buy real friendship.

Believe it or not, your best friends are your parents. That's why it's important that you level with them about what has been going on. Ask them if they can help you get into after-school activities where you will meet nicer people who might like to be friends with you for no other reason than the fact that you are a nice person, too.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a problem with my dental hygienist, "Gloria." During my appointments, she engages me in conversation, which invariably lengthens the appointment from a half-hour to a whole hour. She giggles like a schoolgirl and stops multiple times during the cleaning to remove tools from my mouth so we can talk.

I don't want to be rude, but my appointments are on weekdays, and I need to get back to work. Occasionally, I have brought something to read, hoping it would keep Gloria from striking up a conversation, but it never works. I'm now considering changing dentists because I have neither the time nor the patience to deal with her. Please help. -- MIFFED IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR MIFFED: When you go to your next appointment, the first words out of your mouth should be to tell Gloria you don't have time to talk and must be out of there promptly in 30 minutes. If she can't comply, discuss it with your dentist so he/she can "remind" Gloria that her relationship with patients isn't personal, but professional, and discourage the small talk. The dental practice is a business, and if the situation is as you describe, Gloria could book twice as many patients as she's seeing now if she curtails the small talk.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has gained a significant amount of weight, which has changed his appearance. I have to admit I no longer find him attractive and have a hard time even kissing him. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I am turned off physically.

He wants to lose weight, but can't seem to find the motivation, even after visiting with a doctor and a dietician. What can I do when he approaches me for a kiss (or more)? -- ASHAMED IN ALABAMA

DEAR ASHAMED: Tell him what you have written to me. If that doesn't give him motivation, nothing will.

DEAR ABBY: My elderly father's dearest friend committed suicide yesterday. He shot himself in the head. The family wasn't even aware that he was depressed. Dad has lost three wonderful friends this way in recent years. He's heartbroken thinking that his buddies were secretly suffering.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, the rate of suicide for men 70 and older in the U.S. is more than double the overall suicide rate. Yet, with all of our suicide prevention efforts, this high-risk group seems to be ignored.

How can we help prevent these tragedies? What are the signs of depression in older men? And what can families do if they suspect depression in "Dad," "Gramps" or "Uncle John"? Thank you for any help you can provide. -- VAN IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR VAN: Please convey to your father how sorry I am for his loss. I think the first thing people have to remember is that men in general do not manifest depression the way women do because women are more open about sharing their feelings. Men, particularly older men, were not raised to do that because they were taught that expressing emotion was "weak," so they stay silent. And men who were once breadwinners, active and vital, can become depressed when they retire.

Among the RISK FACTORS are:

-- Having lost a wife or significant other;

-- Being alone and isolated;

-- Concern about being a burden;

-- Substance abuse (alcohol or prescription drugs);

-- Firearms in the house.

SIGNS TO LOOK FOR include:

-- Lack of energy;

-- Lack of motivation;

-- Less interest in eating or getting out of the house;

-- Loss of interest in activities the person once enjoyed.

A common mistake people make is thinking these things are happening because a person is old. If you observe a change in someone's behavior, it is all right to ask the person what's going on. Keep in mind that people who feel connected are less likely to harm themselves. Isolation is the enemy. Visit them, or take them out so they won't feel alone.

It's also important to help seniors meet others they can relate to, particularly if their friends are dying off. A senior center can provide a place to socialize and meet new people. Exercise is important, too, and many senior centers provide exercise facilities.

Equally important is volunteering. Older men are valuable assets to the community and should be encouraged to regard themselves that way. They have a lifetime of experience to offer, which should not be wasted. By helping these men get and stay connected, you could actually be saving a life.

A final thought: As people age, they often have physical problems that are associated with depression. (Heart disease is one.) If you need advice about how to approach someone about your worries, an excellent resource is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The toll-free number is 800-273-8255.