life

Dedicated Walker Tripped Up by Chatty Office Co-Workers

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 28th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a step tracker. I am dedicated to getting in at least 10,000 steps every day, most of them walking around inside my office building at lunch. I walk quickly, often with headphones on. My problem is, I'm constantly confronted by people who stop me wanting to chat.

I honestly don't have time to talk to these people because I need my steps. My exercise is important to me. Furthermore, lunchtime is my time to be alone and de-stress before returning to the workday.

I don't think I should have to leave the premises to walk. Staying in the building ensures that I have the entire hour to walk in air-conditioned comfort.

How can I politely tell these people I don't have time to talk? I've said, "Sorry. I need to get my steps!" only to get confused looks and questions about what I mean and how the tracking works, which sets me back by precious minutes. Any advice? -- GETTING TO STEPPING IN AUSTIN

DEAR GETTING: Yes. All you have to say is, "This is my time to exercise," and keep walking. Eventually, word will get around, and you'll have fewer interruptions. Your mistake may be in mentioning "10,000 steps."

Work & SchoolHealth & Safety
life

Husband's Habitual Sniffling Gets on Wife's Nerves

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 28th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I never expected to be writing to you, but I am frustrated. My husband, who is a great guy, sniffles constantly. He gets very annoyed with me when I call it to his attention and says I should just get used to it.

He does it at home and in the car. He doesn't have a cold or a runny nose. I notice when we are out socially, he doesn't sniffle the entire time. I have tried to ignore it, but frankly it's the most irritating sound.

I read recently that there are three top irritating sounds, and sniffling is one of them. I showed the article to my husband, but he shrugged it off. I usually know how to handle situations, but I'm stumped with this one. Hope you don't think my letter is nothing to sniff at. -- MISERABLE IN MASS.

DEAR MISERABLE: If your husband hasn't discussed this with his doctor, he should. It's possible that he has a chronic sinus condition or allergies, and his problem could be easily corrected. It could also be a nervous habit. However, there is no chance that the sniffling will stop unless he's willing to seek treatment. I wish you luck in convincing him.

Marriage & DivorceHealth & Safety
life

Romance Reader Is Missing Out in Real Life

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 28th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old girl who is still a virgin. I haven't had a real kiss or dated, either. My mom and friends think it's because I read a lot of romance novels and imagine something like that happening to me. Are they right? Will I ever find love? -- HOPELESS ROMANTIC

DEAR HOPELESS ROMANTIC: You probably will find love eventually. However, before you can do that, you will first have to spend less time reading and more time meeting men and making friends, and stop expecting them to live up to your fantasies.

Love & DatingSex & Gender
life

Grandma Plays Favorites With Plan for Her Assets

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 27th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mother raised my two nephews because of their parents' drug addiction. They are now adults (21 and 25). As a result of these circumstances, Mom was never able to be a fun, doting grandmother to her other grandchildren. My nephews needed stability, and I helped often. I lived three minutes away, so I, too, was an important adult in their lives while they were growing up.

I feel my children were robbed of an opportunity that others take for granted. Although they saw their grandmother regularly, she had little left for my kids and her other grandchildren. She was often tired and frustrated, and never took my kids to the park or baked cookies. It had to be a special occasion just for her to baby-sit.

She recently mentioned that when she passes away, she will leave more to the grandchildren she raised than to the others. I feel this is unfair. I expressed that she has other grandchildren and things should be divided equally among them. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- LOOKING AHEAD IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR LOOKING: I don't think so. However, your mother's assets are hers to dispose of as she wishes. While you and I might disagree with her reasoning, I don't think it should be allowed to become a bone of contention.

Family & ParentingDeathMoney
life

Boyfriend Who Spends the Night Still Checks on Mom in the Morning

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 27th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a guy, "Dustin," for 10 years. We lived together for two years and broke up, but then we got back together. Dustin lives with his mother and always has, except for two marriages that lasted eight years each.

I don't understand why he always goes home to his mother. When he stays the night with me, he has to go "check on her" the next morning. He stays at her house Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The rest of the time he's here with me, but before he goes to work, he has to go check on her.

Abby, there is nothing wrong with her. She drives, gardens, cooks and is very much on the go. Can you help me understand this? -- COMING IN SECOND IN TEXAS

DEAR COMING IN SECOND: I'll try. Dustin may feel the need to stop by to see if his mother is well, to change clothes before heading to work, or because he has always done it, and old habits die hard. He may also like the way his mom fixes breakfast.

Love & DatingFamily & Parenting
life

Man Fears Looking Like a Mooch When Family Offers Him Help

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 27th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 28-year-old man who works hard at a full-time job and no longer lives with his parents. I've always been fairly independent and able to support myself without any problems.

When an unexpected expenditure came up, my family offered to help me pay for it and sent money. After debating it with myself for a few days, I accepted it. How can I reconcile taking their gracious gift when my independent nature was telling me not to? I don't want to come off as a mooch. -- OUT ON MY OWN IN PHILLY

DEAR OUT: Here's how: Remind yourself why you decided to accept the money, and realize that if your parents had considered you to be a "mooch," they wouldn't have volunteered to give it to you.

MoneyFamily & Parenting
life

Unwitting Comments From Dad Cause Childless Daughter Pain

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 26th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-year-old childless single woman. I spent several years doing various day care jobs and have great love for children, but due to female health issues, I am unable to have my own. I have a great job and home, but cannot afford fertility treatments or adoption, both of which are expensive.

My fertility issues have caused me heartbreak and many tears. My father often comments about how disappointed he is that he has no grandchildren. Recently, he made an offhand remark that I was "selfish" for not having had any. It upset me so much I cried for days. Dad is a good man, and I know he didn't mean to be hurtful.

How do I approach him about how his comment affected me without hurting him? I don't know how much detail to give him about my fertility issues. Should I just let it be and ignore him when he complains about not having grandkids? -- CHILDLESS IN IDAHO

DEAR CHILDLESS: Do not ignore this! Tell your father that you are unable to conceive because of a medical problem and exactly how his comment made you feel. You should also tell him you are unable to afford fertility treatments or adoption because of the cost involved, and not to raise the subject again because it is hurtful and beyond your ability to remedy. Perhaps you could channel your motherly instincts by exploring foster care and other ways you can help children in need.

Family & ParentingMoneyHealth & Safety
life

Man Who Left Wife for Another Woman Wants a Second Chance

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 26th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband left me for another woman four months ago. We had been married for 33 years, and my world has been ripped apart.

Now he says he wants to try to reconcile, and it has me feeling extremely confused. While I still love him, I know our relationship will never be the same as before. Will I look like a fool to everyone if I let him come home? -- HEARTBROKEN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: How you look to "everyone" is far less important than how you feel. You are correct that if you reconcile, your relationship will never be the same. But has it occurred to you that it might be better?

Husbands stray for all kinds of reasons. Before you make any final decisions about taking him back, insist on counseling so you can understand exactly what they were. That's how broken marriages are repaired.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Cousin Is Caught in the Middle Between Long-Feuding Siblings

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 26th, 2017 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I had friendships with both of my second cousins, "Tom" and "Jane," a brother and sister in their 60s. They have long been estranged from each other. Tom was estranged from his parents as well. Jane was their parents' caregiver.

Jane called me to say their father was near death and thought I would want to know. Then she said, "I'm not telling Tom, and I'm asking you to do the same." I told her it was an awkward request because I am friendly with him, too.

Well, I chose to tell him. Tom called his mother and it went well, after years of no communication. Jane has now cut me out of her life. Was I wrong to tell her brother? -- MIKE IN MEXICO

DEAR MIKE: Yes, I think it was wrong to have gone against the wishes of the daughter who had assumed the responsibility of caring for her aged parents. It's fortunate that the conversation went well, because it might not have.

Family & Parenting

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