DEAR ABBY: My son "Jake" was born last June. His father was a good friend who I thought I loved and that he loved me. The day I told him I was pregnant, he disappeared.

Our baby boy just passed away from SIDS. I'm struggling with Jake's loss and planning his funeral while taking care of my 5-year-old son. Jake's father had his mother call and threaten me. She said, "His name better not be listed anywhere in the obituary!"

I'm at a loss about how to deal with both of them. I did not list the father's name anywhere, but it was my choice. After the funeral I'm not sure if I want to see either one of them ever again. Any advice? -- GRIEVING IN COLORADO

DEAR GRIEVING: I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. Yes, I do have a word of advice. Even in the midst of your grief, you are thinking clearly. Why you would ever want contact with either of those despicable individuals again is beyond me. Feel free to write them off and go on with your life.

DEAR ABBY: My co-worker and I have been seeing each other for a while now. We are both married. I am separated -- my husband moved out -- while "Chip" is still at home with his wife and kids. He says he loves me and plans on leaving his family.

I have decided I don't want him after all. I have told him to stay with his wife, but Chip keeps wanting to "talk." We see each other at work every day. It's uncomfortable around co-workers.

I've been looking for another job (for other reasons). I feel ashamed, and I don't want to be the "other woman." I don't know whether to wait for him or just walk out. -- LOST IN ARIZONA

DEAR LOST: Chip knows you are ambivalent, which is why he wants to keep talking to you. If you meant what you wrote, that you do not want to be the other woman, then end the affair once and for all and -- as you put it -- just walk out.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked in various retail places for many years. I am surprised at how some parents allow their children to run amok in stores and fail to teach them how to behave in public places.

When this happens, and there's a danger of them running into tables and customers (I have seen it happen), should the employees say something to the children? Or should they notify the manager about the disruptive children, and let the manager talk to the parents or the children? Should it be announced over the intercom that children need to stay with their parents?

What's the best way to handle this common problem? A place of business is not a playground. Dignified paying customers who are there to support the business are offended by the lack of discipline some children are allowed to display. -- PAYING CUSTOMER

DEAR PAYING CUSTOMER: If you take it upon yourself to "correct" the inattentive parent, the person is sure to become defensive. A better way to handle it would be to point it out to the manager of the establishment and let him or her deal with it, because if someone were to be hurt on the premises, there could be legal implications.

P.S. If the children are running around a restaurant, they could trip a server carrying food to a table and cause not only a mess but real harm.

DEAR ABBY: Schoolchildren, especially middle school or high school students who may not be socially adept, often eat lunch alone because they don't know what to do when it comes to joining other kids at the lunch table. My grandson, who is on the autism spectrum, is one of them.

Classmates would be doing a great service if they said, "Hey, 'Josh.' Come sit with me." It's a small way to help others, and they could serve as examples/mentors. Kids with autism or some other challenges can learn socialization from helpful peers who are good in this arena.

It's lonely to eat lunch by yourself. Please encourage your readers to consider this. -- SOMEONE WHO CARES IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SOMEONE WHO CARES: I'm glad to do that. The pain of social isolation can last far beyond the elementary and middle school years and color a person's expectations of rejection into adulthood. Much of it could be avoided if parents took the time to explain to their children how important it is to treat others with kindness.

In recent years, attention is finally being paid to this. A national organization, Beyond Differences, started a program called "No One Eats Alone" that teaches students how to make friends at lunchtime -- which can be the most painful part of the school day. It's their most popular program, and schools in all 50 states participate. For more information about the work they do, visit www.beyonddifferences.org.

It might be helpful if an adult family member discussed your grandson's isolation with a counselor at his school. Some schools have started programs in which children who sit alone are gathered together at lunchtime with a teacher or a school therapist so they are not isolated. This creates a safe space for autistic children. Regardless of how these lunches are organized, the presence of a trained adult is paramount.

DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law recently had a baby girl. My daughter-in-law and her family have extreme OCD and are afraid of germs. I wash my hands all the time, but still she seems to cringe when I or anyone in my family holds the baby.

I want a relationship with my granddaughter. I have expressed my concern to my son, but I don't want to cause an argument. How can I approach this without causing friction? -- GRANDMA S. IN NEW YORK

DEAR GRANDMA S.: Your daughter-in-law is a brand-new mother. Many new parents are nervous about their babies being exposed to germs.

A way to approach it would be to talk with your daughter-in-law in a non-confrontational way and tell her you have seen her reaction when you hold your granddaughter. Explain that you are careful about hand-washing, and ask if there is anything else she feels you should do. It might make her feel more in control and put her mind at ease.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for two years. Until recently, we were inseparable and I loved his company. I got a job that required me to temporarily relocate and be on my own, so we saw each other only every other week. During that time, I gained a better understanding of who I am and how I want to spend my time.

Since then, I have realized that my boyfriend and I may not be as compatible as I once thought. We discussed it, and he's willing to do anything to make it work. But some things can't be changed, such as his interests and small quirks he has. I'm having a hard time because I want to break things off, but then I worry that he could be "the one that got away." Any advice would be appreciated. -- LOOKING FOR THE ONE

DEAR LOOKING: As you have found, distance doesn't always make the heart grow fonder. Keeping someone around not because you're crazy about him, but because you're afraid if you don't he will be the one who got away is not a reason to continue the relationship.

Your breather has shown that he may not be "the one" after all. That's a good thing, and not something to be afraid of. So do the kind thing and let him go. That way he can find someone who loves him -- quirks and all -- and so can you.

DEAR ABBY: My son "Jake" is headed to college in the fall, and I want his last year at home to be memorable and happy. He's a good student and has been admitted to the college of his choice. The problem is, he can't wake himself up in the morning. He switches off the alarm and goes back to sleep. I must go up to his room several times to wake him because he won't get up the first time.

Jake is otherwise independent. He does his own laundry and keeps his room spotless. I'm spending a large part of my savings on his tuition, and I'm worried that unless he can wake himself in the mornings, he won't get to classes on time.

I have tried talking to him about putting the alarm on "snooze" instead of turning it off, but nothing works. My husband suggests we pour a glass of cold water on Jake's face 10 minutes after the alarm goes off. Can you help us solve this problem? -- UP ALREADY IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UP: Although you may think your husband's suggestion is harsh and inappropriate, it's time you stopped coddling your son. The two of you need to sit him down and tell him that college is expensive, that if you and your husband are willing to go through the financial hardship of paying for it, he must wake up by himself and if he cannot manage to do that, he will have to pay for his own education. Perhaps that will get across to him that you are serious.

DEAR READERS: While I'm on the subject of getting up in the morning, this is my annual reminder to those of you living where daylight saving time is observed: Don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour tonight at bedtime. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow. I love this ritual because it signals the coming of spring!