DEAR ABBY: I am 23, married for four years and have three children. My wife and I have always had strong sex drives. I recently accepted a dream job that pays very well. On the downside, I work 12 to 14 hours a day, and by the time I get home I'm exhausted.

I love my wife very much and want to meet her needs, but she wants sex every night. I'm afraid if I tell her I have to save my energy for my job, it will cause problems. How can I get around this? -- OVERWORKED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR OVERWORKED: The shortest path to a goal is a direct line. One thing more important in a marriage than sex is communication. Talk to your wife. If you don't, she may think that after three children you find her less attractive.

Sex is most satisfying when both partners enjoy it. To some women, their standard of living is at least as important as frequent sex. It's time to find out if the woman you married is one of them. (If she's not, you may have to change jobs.)

DEAR ABBY: How do I tell my ex I no longer want to baby-sit her son? The boy is not mine. When we lived together she found a job, and I told her I would watch her son on weekends while she was working.

I moved out of the apartment we shared a year ago. Between working nights at my job and her son having special needs and requiring full-time attention, I'm exhausted and losing patience. Is there a graceful way to bow out? -- GETTING STRESSED OUT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR GETTING STRESSED: Probably not. However, because you feel the responsibility has become more than you are able to handle, you need to tell your ex she needs to make other arrangements for a sitter for her son. Because your relationship with her ended a year ago, I doubt she'll be surprised. But do not expect her to welcome the news or like it.

DEAR ABBY: I can't wait until election season is over. One side of my family is liberal; the other side is conservative. At my request, they don't argue when we are all together. There are occasional disagreements, but fortunately, they never escalate.

The problem is, when I spend time with any of them separately I am lectured nonstop about the "evils" of the other side. They don't quit. I just want to scream, "Shut up! Shut up! I don't care!" I am at the point that I no longer want to vote. I don't know what to do. There's no way I can avoid my family completely. Please advise. -- "SHUT UP!" IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR S.U.: Please don't allow your family drama to stop you from voting. Try this: The next time your relatives inject politics into the conversation, smile, look them in the eye and say, "Let's talk about something pleasant, shall we?" and change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: While our 6-year-old enjoys the positive attention he receives from his often unusual and imaginative clothing choices, his grandparents feel we are being "disrespectful to others" by allowing him and our other children to wear these outfits in public.

Neither my husband nor I was permitted freedom of expression as children, and we agreed that with the exception of health, profanity, lewdness, immodesty and adherence to organizational dress codes, that we would not restrict our children's freedom of expression. While we often don't agree with our children's choice of attire, it seems prudent to choose the battles we fight.

Is anyone other than our parents actually offended by a pirate (sans weapon) in the dentist office, or a backward shirt at the grocery store? And if they are offended, does their desire not to see a costumed child trump my children's need for a healthy outlet for their individuality during this phase of their life over which they have so little control? -- CLARK KENT'S MOM

DEAR CLARK KENT'S MOM: I seriously doubt that anyone other than your parents and in-laws cares at all if your children visit the dentist looking like Clark Kent, a cowboy or his horse. As far as I'm concerned, your children should be allowed to exercise their sartorial creativity. It's harmless. A few years from now they'll be getting pressure from peers about fitting in, so let them enjoy themselves while they can.

DEAR ABBY: I have been through quite a bit of turmoil in the last two years. My boyfriend died last year. We had been together for 13 years. He was only 32 and his death was unexpected.

I am realizing now that I didn't handle my grief very well. I had no real support system at the time and soon after he passed, I reconnected with an old flame I had been in contact with on and off through the years. We have become somewhat serious, but I realize that before I can go further with this relationship, I must deal with the feelings of grief that I have for the loss of my boyfriend.

Any advice that you could provide would be greatly appreciated. I am at a loss on how to move forward in a healthy way. -- LOST IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR LOST: I'm sorry for the loss of your longtime boyfriend, but I'm glad you wrote. That you recognize you need help to process his loss before you can move forward takes an admirable sense of self-awareness. If you have a doctor or a health insurer, ask for a referral to a licensed mental health professional (a psychologist, social worker, etc.). That person can help you to work through your unresolved emotions by seeing you privately, or by referring you to a grief support group.

DEAR ABBY: I am married, for a year and a half, with no children yet. I am an only child who was raised by my mother. My mother never remarried. She blames me for her never having found anyone, and she is resentful of my marriage. She doesn't get along with anyone, not family, co-workers or "friends."

She thinks my husband is her handyman to use around her house. The reality is, my husband works all the time, and when he does have any free time, I either want to spend it with him or need him to do things around our home. I'm afraid the day I tell her I'm pregnant her response will be laced with disdain and judgment, and I believe she will use my children as pawns like she used me to manipulate my dad.

I have seen a therapist about this, but I'm having a hard time following through on what needs to be done. My therapist suggests I tell Mom how I feel and let her know that if she continues with her current behavior, I will have to limit the amount of time we see each other.

Abby, she has said some really hurtful things to me in the past. I know her behavior is wrong, but I continue trying to be the daughter I am supposed to be so we can hopefully have the relationship we are supposed to have. I welcome your advice. -- HAD ENOUGH

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: Here it is, and I cannot offer it emphatically enough. You hired a therapist who has given you excellent advice. You will save yourself a lot of grief -- and time -- if you take to heart what you were told and follow the advice you were given. To create boundaries is not being a bad daughter; it is being an intelligent one.

DEAR ABBY: I'm currently interning with a government-contracted group. Part of my job involves working with LGBT rights organizations. Recently, at a meeting with my boss and several representatives of these organizations, the topic of fairness in the workplace was mentioned. I was asked what my experience was, and I shared that I thought the workplace was fair, and my experience was fine.

I didn't think about it at the time, but I now realize I was being asked how my experience was as an LGBT person. In light of this, my boss has nominated me for a diversity award. The problem is I'm a heterosexual female, and I think he promoted me for the honor because he thinks I am gay.

How should I handle this? Do I need to go on record to my boss that I am straight, that I have a boyfriend, and he misunderstood me? I don't want this to come back to haunt me, but I'm afraid addressing it may ruin my credibility because it has taken so long for me to address it. My sexual orientation is obviously not something of great interest at work, but I feel I am living a terrible lie, and I don't know how to fix this. -- ASHAMED IN D.C.

DEAR ASHAMED: No one should feel compelled to disclose one's sexual orientation at work, no matter the circumstances. That said, in this particular case, go to your boss before this goes any further. Explain to him privately that you didn't realize when the question was asked that anyone would presume you were gay. If you accept the diversity award without clearing the air first, it could potentially be a source of embarrassment and jeopardize your credibility.