DEAR ABBY: I recently took my 5-year-old, "Ralphie," to his pediatrician. While we were waiting to see the doctor, Ralphie played a game on my phone. Then the doctor knocked on the door, entered, said "hi" and smiled. He called my son's name and immediately, without any prompts to get Ralphie's attention, proceeded to take the phone from my son's hand.

You don't simply take things from people's hands to get their attention. Ralphie may be a child, but he is also a person. I would feel different if, after the doctor had tried to get his attention, my son had ignored him.

I understand Ralphie had to get ready to pay attention and follow instructions. If he hadn't, I would have removed the phone myself. This doctor is very competent and has seen Ralphie since the day he was born. He has always been dry and a bit brusque.

How do I tell the doctor that I find what he did unacceptable without risking the relationship? I'm not very assertive. The reason I don't say anything most of the time is because I become angry very easily, and while I understand there are ways to say things, I simply do not possess those skills. My emotions are so strong that I can't find a way of being assertive without saying something rude. What can I do? -- LAURA IN NEW YORK

DEAR LAURA: Ideally, YOU should have asked your son to return your cellphone when you heard the doctor enter. Write him a letter and tell him you were "taken aback" that he would take something from your boy without asking because what happened seemed to you to be disrespectful. Put the letter aside for three days before sending it to be sure your message wasn't written in the heat of anger. You are entitled to express your opinion. And if the doctor's "brusque" manner is off-putting, find another pediatrician.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl and I have a job as a barista. I have an uncle who keeps asking to borrow money from me. He always promises he will pay me back, but he was in prison and he's struggling to find a job. He never does repay me, which wouldn't bother me if it were small amounts, but I'm trying to save for a car and college, and he always asks for amounts over $50.

Several adults are telling me he takes advantage of me. I don't know if I should continue to loan him money or tell him no. If I have to refuse him, it will be hard because I have a hard time saying no to others. I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be great. -- PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK

DEAR P2P: You are a sweet and generous girl, but you are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. Part of growing up is learning to stand up for yourself. The next time your uncle asks you for money, tell him that you'll CONSIDER loaning him more after he has repaid you the money he has already borrowed. To do that isn't "mean"; it is intelligent.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend, "Jake," for a year and a half. To put it mildly, his dad does not like me. He has never thought I was good enough for his son, and he doesn't like the fact that I have a daughter from an earlier relationship. He thinks I'm interested in Jake only for his money, even though I work a full-time job and Jake and I share everything equally, except my daughter's expenses. I pay for those myself.

When Jake and I attend family gatherings for holidays or birthdays, his dad refuses to say hello to me. He does, however, make derogatory or negative remarks about me to Jake. It's incredibly hurtful and demeaning.

I have tried bringing it up to Jake, and he agrees. But he will not address it with his dad because "Dad won't change." Can you help? -- DISLIKED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR DISLIKED: I don't know how serious Jake is about you, but if he was in love with you and planned on marrying you, he would INSIST that, at the very least, his father treat you with respect. Dad won't change because his son isn't assertive enough to make plain that if he doesn't, he will be seeing less of the both of you. I can only hope that your child isn't on the receiving end of this kind of treatment, because if that's happening -- for both of your sakes -- I'm advising you to end the romance with Jake.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to the love of my life for 21 years. He has helped me raise my two children to adulthood. Both have now moved away and have their own lives.

My problem started a year and a half ago, when my grandson was born. I live 750 miles from my daughter and her little boy, and have a standing invitation to see them as often as I want (every three to four months). It makes more sense for me to travel to see them than the reverse.

I have always invited my husband to come with me, but he refuses. He has now given me an ultimatum: I can see them no more than twice a year or he will divorce me. What do you say, Abby? -- DUMBSTRUCK IN MAINE

DEAR DUMBSTRUCK: I say you have three choices -- either work this out with the help of a marriage counselor, see your daughter and grandson only twice a year or start talking to a lawyer. I have a strong hunch there's more going on here than you have revealed in your letter -- and whether or not your husband agrees to counseling, you should go.

DEAR ABBY: I am an older woman who has been dating a very nice man for approximately seven months. I'm fashionable and take pride in my appearance. While my friend is clean and neat, he wears a baseball cap with all of his clothes -- even his dress suits. I bought him a nice cap once and he was offended, so I returned it to the store.

Since he is good in so many ways, should I ignore this one quirk? I'd love to see him without the baseball cap when we go out. -- FASHIONABLE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FASHIONABLE: Have you tried asking him WHY he does this? Your friend may wear baseball caps with every outfit because he's bald or has thinning hair and is self-conscious about it. (Many men are.) If this gentleman has only one quirk that bothers you, you might be wise to consider that his attire is a reflection only on himself and not you.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Camilla" recently learned that she is HIV positive. She became aware of it through a blood test, as she is pregnant. The baby's father has been tested and he was negative. Her future health is of no concern because the situation is under control. Camilla hasn't been unfaithful, and it is clear she has been HIV positive for some time.

My issue is, she refuses to contact her previous lover about her condition, even though she likely got it from him. Her ex may have no idea that he is positive and may not find out until it is too late.

Abby, I understand her concern and embarrassment, but I think her ex deserves to know. Should I contact him anonymously? I know his name and could find his contact information. I feel strongly that he should know, so he can be tested and go on medication. I would, of course, be doing this behind my friend's back. -- CONFLICTED IN THE USA

DEAR CONFLICTED: I took your question to Ged Kenslea, director of communications for the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, and this is his response:

"At the time of her diagnosis, Camilla should have been urged to contact her previous partners. It's standard procedure, and not something that a health care worker would just 'skip' doing. As well-meaning as the writer is to want to inform Camilla's previous lover about her condition, it's not appropriate on an individual level to interfere in this situation. There are confidentiality as well as safety issues involved that could bring hurt feelings, harm and possible legal liability to those involved in the disclosure.

"A better option might be to contact the county health department where the individual resides to see if it has the capacity to contact the individual, let that person know there may be a health issue he or she could be facing and urge him/her to get tested and linked to care, if necessary -- all without disclosing who contacted the county with that information."

DEAR ABBY: My daughters resent my second wife. My first wife died two years ago. When I remarried, it caused some friction with my daughters because they want my house when I die. In my will, should I give the house to my daughters with the stipulation that my present wife can live there for the rest of her life? -- UNDECIDED ESTATE PLANNING

DEAR UNDECIDED: If you want to assure your new wife that she'll have a roof over her head, talk to an attorney who specializes in wills and trusts and put your wishes in writing. Be sure it's official, "just in case" your daughters decide they want the house a little early.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked as an armed guard for the last two years. Since the beginning, whenever people find out what I do for a living, one of their first comments is, "Wouldn't it be funny if you got robbed?"

I know these people are being facetious, but it bothers me. I don't think they would find it funny if I were to joke about shooting them. Is there a polite way to discourage this, or should I just grin, bear it and chuckle? -- DON'T SHOOT

DEAR DON'T: You can choose to laugh it off, or you might keep a straight face and say, "It wouldn't be so funny if I or someone else got hurt."