DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been together for eight years. When we first met, I was in the military and she was a bartender. Needless to say, she made far more money than I did at the time. Six months into our relationship, she got pregnant and quit her job. For the next seven years she raised our children and went to school while I did whatever I had to do -- working two jobs -- to make enough to pay the bills.

I am now out of the military. I have been at a company for six years, and we are finally reaching a point where we don't worry about money as much. She will graduate from school soon, and hopefully start working right after. She now says that when she starts working, she wants to keep separate bank accounts and split the bills evenly based on pay.

Until now, I haven't resented her for not working because she has been caring for our children, our home and has been a full-time student, but the thought of her wanting to keep her money to herself is weird and hurtful to me. How can I bring this up with her without it making it seem like I think she owes me something? -- SEPARATE ACCOUNTS IN TEXAS

DEAR SEPARATE ACCOUNTS: Ask your wife why she wants to separate your finances, because marriage is supposed to be a partnership. She does "owe you something" -- an explanation.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 65-year-old cross-dresser who has a deep, burning desire to be a woman. I guess you could call me gender dysphoric. I will never realize this dream of mine, though, and I have accepted myself as I am and have learned to live with it. I am not depressed.

My situation is difficult because my wife does not approve, so I try to be discreet. Sometimes I underdress and finish my hair and makeup in the car in a park. Then I'll walk or go shopping. I like people to see me like this. Because they don't know me, I'm sure sometimes they see a man in a dress, but I don't mind.

However, I am always alone in my altered state and all the groups meet at night. I'm a daytime person, and it's much easier to get out as "Sheila" in the late mornings and early afternoons. Is there some way for me to find some groups that meet in the afternoon? Is there someone I can contact? I appreciate your help. -- JUST A DREAM

DEAR JUST A DREAM: An organization that has appeared in my column before may be helpful for you. It's the Society for the Second Self (Tri-Ess International), and it offers not only support for heterosexual cross-dressers, but also their spouses, partners and families.

It's the oldest and largest support organization for cross-dressers and the people who love them. It promotes cross-dressing with dignity and decency, and treats spouses on an equal basis with their cross-dressers. To learn more about it, contact Tri-Ess at www.tri-ess.org.

DEAR ABBY: I am in shock. My grown son, "Ryan," recently told me he was molested by his late father when he was a young boy. I had no idea, but I believe him. Ryan is an only child and has recently started seeing a counselor.

I loved my husband very much and I believed he loved me, but I no longer know what to think or how to feel. If he were still alive, I would most likely leave him. But what do I do with more than 40 years of mostly good memories? When I think about my late husband now, I just feel numb. Please help. -- NOT A CLUE IN INDIANA

DEAR NOT A CLUE: That your son didn't tell you sooner, while you could have intervened, is regrettable. And that he is now seeing a counselor about it is laudable -- you should give him all the love and support you can. I don't blame you for having mixed emotions, but at this point it is too late for you to change anything. Hang onto the good memories and let them comfort you, because you can't change history.

DEAR ABBY: I saw myself in the Jan. 15 letter from "Diana in San Diego," the lifelong compulsive nail biter who wants to stop. I was diagnosed with trichotillomania (hair pulling and skin picking) three years ago, and it is closely related to nail biting. The trichotillomania learning center website, www.trich.org, is worth checking out for treatment options such as medications, behavioral therapy and support groups. -- ERICA IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ERICA: Thank you for the information. I received a deluge of helpful, caring responses to Diana's letter, and several readers mentioned trichotillomania in the more severe cases. Some had taken my advice to keep an emery board and cuticle scissors nearby a step further, by learning to do a full manicure and suggested she paint her nails a dark or bright color to help her stop biting.

Buffing was mentioned as a way to smooth imperfections that could be "triggers." A reader in Virginia added decorations to her nails -- decals, stencils and rhinestones -- that served as an impediment and cured her of the habit.

Other readers have used artificial (acrylic) nails as a way to allow their natural fingernails to grow out. James in Delaware helped his ashamed then-fiancee hide her bitten-off, stubby nails when showing off her engagement ring by suggesting she put on artificial ones. While she proudly showed off the ring to everyone, her own nails grew out beautifully and she never chewed them again.

Additional growing-out tips mentioned by readers were: coating the nails with a hardening solution, keeping the cuticles moist with petroleum jelly, cuticle cream -- even lip balm. A reader reassured Diana that there are indeed "bad-tasting" products that successfully work as a deterrent.

Keeping the hands busy has helped many readers. Breaking off a corner of one of her front teeth stopped Pat in Texas. Others found addressing a vitamin deficiency did the trick for them. Wearing a tight rubber band around the wrist to snap when the urge hits can give a nail-biter the incentive to stop. And from Sandi in San Francisco: "A teacher showed me an enlarged picture taken from a microscope of what was under fingernails. Now I don't even think about biting!"

DEAR ABBY: With summer here, many families will do at least some traveling, which involves spending significant amounts of time in the family car or truck. I'd like to remind your readers that it is now illegal in many states to leave a child, a disabled person or a pet unattended in a vehicle for ANY length of time. The reason is that temperatures inside a vehicle -- especially with the windows rolled up -- can rise to dangerous, even deadly, levels very quickly.

Tests by the National Weather Service have shown that when it's 80 degrees F outside, the interior of a vehicle with the windows rolled up, or just cracked open, can reach 123 degrees within 60 minutes! Such temperatures can induce heat exhaustion, or worse, heat stroke, within a very short time, and quickly kill a child, a pet or a disabled person.

Abby, I urge you in the strongest terms to help spread this vital warning and prevent needless tragedies of this kind. As the National Weather Service says, "Look Before You Lock," and "Beat the Heat -- Check the Back Seat!" -- TOM THE STORM SPOTTER

DEAR TOM: I'm pleased to help you bring this information to the attention of my readers. I was shocked when I read a report by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration stating that an average of 38 children have died in hot cars each year since 1998. More than 70 percent of those deaths were children younger than 2 years of age. How tragic! And readers, not parking in direct sunlight won't make the car significantly cooler. Heat stroke deaths have occurred even when the vehicle was parked in the shade.

DEAR ABBY: My family recently moved to a new state and was blessed to find a wonderful new church to attend near our home. There's only one drawback. We have a young toddler, so we sit in the cry room during Mass. At our previous church, the cry room was a place for us to practice church etiquette with our son so that we could someday sit with the rest of the congregation without disturbing the Mass.

The culture at this church is different; the cry room seems more like a playroom. Seeing all the other children running around makes keeping my toddler sitting in the pew nearly impossible (think major meltdowns). If we allow him to play with the other children, we spend the Mass feeling like we've failed as Christian parents. The result is that neither my husband nor I has felt fully present at a Mass in months. Do you have any suggestions for how to reconcile this issue? -- MISSING MASS

DEAR MISSING MASS: From where I sit, you're not only being overly hard on yourselves as parents, but also your small child. Please discuss this with the priest at your new church. Allowing your child to be a child isn't "bad Christian parenting." Few toddlers have a long enough attention span to sit through Mass. The cry room is designed to be like a playground so the children will learn to enjoy going there every Sunday and want to keep coming back until they're old enough for Sunday school. And that's a GOOD thing.

P.S. A way for you and your husband to focus on the Mass each Sunday would be to alternate taking your child to the cry room.