DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Rick," and I have been together for years and recently got engaged. We are over the moon about it, and genuinely in love. However, this exciting time in our lives has been met with some difficulties.

We recently learned Rick's mother has been having an affair, which makes for a very uncomfortable situation. My future mother-in-law doesn't know we know. Rick's father came to us for help because he suspects she's cheating.

She engages with this man publicly by texting, calling, etc. when we spend time with her, so I avoid her because I don't want any part of it. It's hard to ignore because we live with Rick's family.

He believes we should say nothing. I spoke to our priest about it because I am so deeply disturbed by her behavior and was told to "pray for them." I'm worried this will be a negative influence on my fiance and me, and that by remaining quiet we have become part of her lie. What should I do? -- CLEAN CONSCIENCE IN THE EAST

DEAR CLEAN CONSCIENCE: Listen to the advice you received from your priest. Pray for your almost in-laws, but do not involve yourself in their marital problems. If Rick's father approaches you again for help, tell him that he needs to discuss his suspicions with his wife because that's the only way his problems will be resolved.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my favorite cat a year ago to kidney disease. I had noticed she wasn't doing well, but when I told my parents, so we could take her to the veterinarian, they insisted she was fine. They said she didn't need to see the vet because her ailments were just age. They refused to have her examined until it was too late, and by then, the vet's attempts to help her only weakened her. She died in my arms on the way home.

I am devastated. She was my therapy animal and she helped me combat my anxiety disorders for over seven years. When she died, my family seemed to be suddenly struck with grief, even though they ignored her most of the time. This makes me angry because I feel their hesitation to take her to the vet and refusal to listen to me are what killed her.

I've forgiven them for what happened, but I still feel upset and angry toward them whenever I see my cat's picture by her urn on my memory shelf. Am I wrong for feeling this way? -- NOT FEELING PURRFECT

DEAR NOT FEELING PURRFECT: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your cat. What happened to her is regrettable, but holding a grudge won't help. What might help would be for your parents to get you another therapy cat, and I'm advising you to suggest it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter recently had her first child (my first grandchild), and I am wondering if there's any protocol regarding the first visit. Should I wait until my daughter invites me, or should I just tell her I want to come? I'm afraid it would be rude to just invite myself before she's ready to show off her newborn. -- BABY STEPS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR BABY STEPS: Give your daughter some time to rest and for her and her husband/partner to establish a routine, and then ask when it would be convenient for you to come and if she'd like you to help out in any way. I'm sure that approach would be better received than an announcement.

DEAR ABBY: Some people believe sex with friends can turn a friendship into chaos. I don't believe it because I can remain a friend and still be there intimately. I have a friend I feel would be a good match because we are both very sexual and filthy-minded. We continuously tease about it. I know it's only a joke, but I believe he's the type of person who would feel the friendship would be lost if we were intimate -- or worse, if we aren't compatible in bed.

Can someone joke around so much about something and not want to do it? Also, I'm not the type he would ever see himself having sex with, and he says he can't believe he feels this way.

Should we try it or leave it alone, as it will only be sex? It's not like we're looking to fall in love. Men always say they would love to have a friend with benefits, but if it happens they can't handle it. -- FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

DEAR F.W.B.: In order to be friends with benefits, you have to have two people who are willing. The man you have described seems to be all hat and no cattle. Leave it alone.

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved in with my boyfriend and now live two hours away from my parents. (Before, it was only 10 minutes.)

My boyfriend has been offered an incredible job in a different country and has asked me to go with him. It means I'll have to quit my job, which is a good one. But he has promised to financially support me during the two years we would be there, including adding to my usual savings and paying the mortgage on the condo I left when I moved in with him. He's talking about an engagement and marriage when we get back.

My problem is my parents. Their definition of "success" is marriage and family. Because they never taught my brother and me how to communicate, I'm deathly afraid to tell them that we are moving to a different country. The thought of upsetting them is paralyzing me. I am losing sleep and considering breaking up with him so I can keep the peace with my family. What do I do? -- TORN UP

DEAR TORN UP: Allow me to offer a suggestion that may keep peace in your family. Because your boyfriend is talking about marriage "when you get back," I propose that you suggest to him that the two of you be married before you leave. Problem solved.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a female in my mid-20s. I have recently hired a personal trainer at my local gym. So far, it isn't working out as I had hoped.

My trainer isn't really training me. He spends half the time trying to flirt. He says we could have a great time together when we aren't in session. I've recently heard he does this with most of his female clients. I am a nice person, but it's getting out of hand. What do I do? Should I tell his boss? -- STILL OUT OF SHAPE IN ALABAMA

DEAR STILL OUT: Do not report your trainer to his boss immediately. Talk to him first. Tell him that when he flirts it makes you uncomfortable, and you prefer to keep your relationship with him strictly professional. However, if he continues after that, you should not only report it to his boss, you should also hire another trainer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of two teenagers, ages 13 and 15. I am trying to teach them to do chores and help around the house, but all I get is attitude from them.

I try to explain that I didn't grow up with a dishwasher and I washed all the dishes by hand. Well, now that we have a dishwasher, they don't want to load or unload it either! I try not to spoil my kids, but I guess it's too late. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I just do the chores myself.

What am I doing wrong as a parent? My kids are either on their iPhone or iPad or Xbox. They have a better childhood than I ever had, but they don't understand. It's hurtful when their response is "Let me live," or "You don't understand anything," or "I can't wait to get out of the house and get away from you!" This is very hurtful, and I guess I just needed to vent to someone other than my husband. Thanks for letting me. -- STRESSED-OUT MOM

DEAR MOM: You're welcome. Now, may I offer a suggestion? You should not be doing your teenagers' chores for them. Instead, start instituting consequences if they shirk their responsibilities. An effective consequence would be to confiscate their iPhone, iPad or Xbox if the chores aren't done when they're supposed to be. And if they talk disrespectfully to you -- ditto!

DEAR ABBY: My son's fiancee set their wedding date without asking me if I could make it. I recently took a job on the West Coast. As a campground manager and new employee, I can't get time off Labor Day weekend to fly back to the East Coast for the wedding. (Labor Day is one of the big summer holidays for campgrounds.)

His fiancee has done other hurtful things in the past, and I can't help but doubt it was an oversight that I wasn't consulted before their wedding date was set. When I tried to talk to my son about it, I received the anticipated hostility I usually get from him.

My question to you is, should I pay for their caterer? I have given this son so much money over the years that I can't help but believe he's a user. Advice, please. -- EXCLUDED OUT WEST

DEAR EXCLUDED: If your son had wanted you to be at his wedding, you would have been consulted before the date was set. His fiancee didn't consult you because that is probably the way your son wanted it. Under the circumstances, you should not pay for any of the wedding expenses. If you feel you must do something, send them a congratulatory card wishing them "a lifetime of happiness together." Period.

DEAR ABBY: If I am standing in line waiting for a friend to arrive at a store that's about to open for a sale, when my friend arrives, is it OK for her to join me where I've been holding the spot, or should we move to the back of the line so customers behind us don't feel like she is butting in? -- NO BUTTS ABOUT IT

DEAR NO BUTTS: Lines for sales can be long, and people sometimes wait many hours to get into the stores. According to Emily Post, "Courteous people never break into line." It might be diplomatic to ask the person standing in back of you if he or she minds if your friend joins you. Some might object; others not.