DEAR ABBY: I met a man eight years ago who has become everything to me. We see each other weekly and discuss life, work, home and more. We are both married to other people.

Our relationship is not only emotional but also physical. We are secretive about our relationship only with our children -- we appear in public together, and my spouse knows about it. Many people at our regular venues comment on how much in love we seem to be. A few of my friends are privy to our relationship and wonder when we're leaving our spouses to be together.

My question is: Can't it just be OK to be happy with what we have? We enjoy the times we have traveled, talked and loved. I am virtually ignored by my spouse, as is he. The time he has been in my life is the happiest I have ever been. But I don't want more.

It's hard to explain. People think I'm in denial, but I'm not. He has issues I wouldn't want full time, as I suppose everyone does, and I wouldn't want to ruin what we have. Thoughts? -- PART-TIME LOVER

DEAR PART-TIME: You and your lover have "an arrangement" that seems to work not only for you, but also for your spouses. It's unconventional, to put it mildly. Because you are so open about it, I'm surprised your children haven't caught wind of it by now. My question to you would be what you and this man plan to do when they find out, because I don't think you can keep them in the dark forever.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are friends with a couple we have known for many years. When the four of us eat together, it's obvious to me that the husband directs the conversation toward my wife. Even when the topic is general in nature, his eye contact is with her to the point where it makes me uncomfortable. On a cruise last year, when we ate together regularly, I intentionally sat across from him and, sure enough, he talked diagonally across the table to my wife.

I have always made a conscious effort in mixed company to direct the majority of my conversation toward my male counterpart and not his wife. I feel that it's more appropriate. I really don't think there is any threat from him, maybe just bad manners on his part. How should I handle this? Should I ignore it, or make him aware of it? -- BOTHERED BY IT IN ALABAMA

DEAR BOTHERED: If there is a rule of etiquette covering this, I have never heard of it. You have two choices -- continue to ignore it and let it bother you, or ask him why he does it. He may be doing it unconsciously because he finds your wife to be an interesting conversationalist.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has been wearing a T-shirt with a picture of a tombstone and the caption "Married and Buried" on the front. I have asked him repeatedly not to wear it because it hurts my feelings, but he only laughs and says it's just a gag. What do I do? -- OFFENDED IN FLORIDA

DEAR OFFENDED: Because your husband persists in doing something he knows hurts your feelings, I can't blame you for feeling offended. While I'm tempted to advise you to have a T-shirt made that reads "Married to an Insensitive Clod" and wear it when he puts his on, I think you'd be better off simply ignoring him when he does it. Eventually he'll quit wearing it when the novelty wears off.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of 10 years, "Ethan," lost his mother to suicide 11 years ago on Dec. 31. The first couple of years after her death, he'd put on a happy face during the holiday season. But in recent years he has gotten more and more moody. I love the season, from Halloween all the way through my birthday in February. I enjoy making my loved ones happy during this time, but no matter what I do, it doesn't work for Ethan.

I understand there's no limit to how long you can mourn someone, especially your mother. I couldn't imagine losing mine, but how can I get him to not drag everyone down into the funk he puts himself in? I don't want to downplay Ethan's emotions, but even when we are opening presents together, he has an "I don't give a ----" face.

For the last few winters all we seem to do is argue about nothing or everything. I am at the point of walking on pins and needles around him to avoid being sad during a time I love so much. I'm at my wits' end.

He went to therapy for a little while, but stopped because he no longer had the time. (He works two jobs and is on call basically 24/7.) I work as well, and have asked him to quit one of the jobs because he is getting older (mid-40s) and it's not good for his health. What else can I do? -- NO COMFORT IN JOY

DEAR NO COMFORT: Sympathize with Ethan, tell him that it's clear he is still hurting, and suggest he talk with another therapist because depression may run in his family. You should also tell him that his "funk" is contagious and you would like to be able to enjoy the holidays. Or, consider socializing less with Ethan from October through February and spend the time with others like you who would like to celebrate.

DEAR ABBY: I'm concerned that my great-grandson may be autistic. He is 13 months old. He never laughs or giggles out loud, and his response when spoken to often is expressionless. However, he will occasionally smile slightly, is already walking and says a few words we can understand. He also is extremely hyperactive.

His parents appear oblivious to this behavior, and I wouldn't dare suggest that I may be seeing a problem. My question is: Do all pediatricians check for this at regular visits? My understanding is the earlier the detection, the better to start treatment. -- WORRIED GREAT-GRAMMY

DEAR GRAMMY: Pediatricians perform developmental screenings at each and every visit, and any delays out of the ordinary should be investigated further. Typical autistic features include social interaction difficulties and speech delay.

Autism is a difficult diagnosis to establish since many of the features aren't apparent at a young age. Most pediatricians will do an M-CHAT (Modified Checklist for Autism in Toddlers) at 18 months of age. If the M-CHAT reveals areas of concern, a full developmental assessment is recommended.

Because you are worried, you should bring your concerns up with the parents so they can discuss this with their pediatrician. That way the doctor can reassure the parents (and you) if your great-grandson is developing appropriately, or refer the child for a full developmental assessment if there is cause for concern because earlier detection is always better. You are wise for seeking advice for your concerns regarding the child, and I'm glad you wrote.

TO MY READERS: A very happy Easter to all of you. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. He is applying to graduate school, while I am applying to medical school. He's wonderful and we talk often about marriage and our future. Both of us have student loan debt, which we are aggressively working to pay down, pulling long hours at work.

My problem is, he thinks nothing of planning weeks-long, extravagant vacations for us. I make twice what he does, but I prefer saving for the obvious debt in my future and taking shorter, less-expensive vacations. He relies on his "strategic financial planning" to compensate for his "I want it all, and I want it now" personality.

When I express my hesitancy to go on these long trips based on my personal finances, he offers to pay for everything, which makes me feel like a cheapskate, since I could technically pay for us both easily. Am I unreasonable in saying I'm uncomfortable with either of us spending thousands of dollars that would be better spent setting up our future together? -- VACATION SCROOGE

DEAR SCROOGE: Oh, how I wish you had revealed more information about your boyfriend's "strategic financial planning" because I'm sure many people would be very interested. However, if he's investing in the stock market, he should know that it's like an elevator -- investments not only can go up, but they also can come down, and there are no guarantees regarding investment results.

Before this relationship goes further, I URGE you and your boyfriend to seek not only couples counseling but also financial counseling. Few things are more destructive to a marriage than money woes, and you both need someone to explain exactly what the philosophy of "I want it all, and I want it now" will mean for your future.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a problem with my boyfriend's friend "Chuck." Chuck constantly does things like open a door on me (which has left bruises), run into me "by accident" (which caused me to trip) or "accidentally" push me into the water. My boyfriend already knows I have strong reservations about his friend's character, and it upsets him because Chuck is a childhood friend.

I don't like to bring it up as often as these incidents occur, but I'm worried that one day I'll finally lose my temper and be accused of making a big deal out of nothing when it's obviously something. How can I make Chuck stop before something happens? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Has it occurred to you that Chuck may be jealous of the time you and his friend spend together, and may be punishing you because he feels you have taken his friend away from him? I suggest this because that's the way he has been acting -- literally trying to "push" you out of the picture. I see nothing wrong with telling your boyfriend about everything Chuck has "accidentally" done to you, and then letting him deal with his friend's insecurities.