DEAR ABBY: I am a 58-year-old, twice divorced, hard-working, middle-class female. I spend most of my time working and involved with my three adult children. About a year ago I started dating someone. He is 63, very helpful and claims he's madly in love with me and appreciates this opportunity for a normal, wholesome life.

Occasionally I'll catch him staring at women's butts. It bothers me a bit, but oh well, he's a man. Last week our family went camping. At least a dozen times I saw him position himself so that he could stare at my 40-year-old daughter's behind. Keep in mind, my daughter dresses VERY conservatively, and this trip was almost all jeans and T-shirts.

As we were packed up and ready to head home, she said she had to relieve herself and headed into the bushes (this is a remote campground). Instead of my boyfriend looking the other way as we all did, he stared and gawked in her direction obviously trying to sneak a peek!

Abby, I am devastated and disgusted. Please give me your take on this. -- NORMAL OR NOT IN NEW YORK

DEAR NORMAL: For a man to look at women's body parts is normal, but what your boyfriend did goes beyond that. For him to try to sneak a peek at your daughter while she relieved herself indicates that he is a voyeur. Now you must determine whether he just takes advantage of an opportunity or he actively seeks it out, which could present a problem in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is a 29-year-old new mother. I know times have changed since I was a new mom, but the restrictions my daughter has put on visiting her and my new grandson are unrealistic.

Since his birth three weeks ago, I have seen him only once -- at the hospital. She has taken him on two outings: one where there were 10 people and another where there were more than 100. (My grandson has not yet received any of his childhood vaccinations.)

My daughter now says that when I visit, I must change into freshly washed clothes before entering her house. She's afraid that the secondhand smoke will harm him.

I'm not unintelligent. I have bought disinfectants to spray on myself, as well as breath strips. I also wash my hands, arms and face before I hold him. Am I unrealistic in thinking she's asking too much, or should I say something to her and let her know how much she has hurt me? -- CRYING DAY AND NIGHT

DEAR CRYING: I do think you should talk to your daughter. What she may be trying to do is encourage you to quit smoking. I doubt that she's doing it to be hurtful.

Her motivation may be that she knows how unhealthy smoking is and would like you to be around until your grandchild is well into adulthood. The odds of that happening will be higher if you can find a way to give up tobacco. And when you do, consider putting all the money you save -- and it will be plenty -- into an education fund for your grandson.

DEAR ABBY: I am 32 and getting married in a year. My biological father lives in Spain and has never been to the U.S. My mother met him when she was teaching English there. I was born in the states and never knew or spoke to my dad growing up. When I was 5, I was adopted by my mom's then-husband.

At 20, while studying in Spain, I located my father and his wife. We maintain a good relationship, but I haven't been back there, and he has never met my family.

Mom harbors a lot of resentment toward my father. She tells me he took no interest in me as a baby and never sent any money or letters. She gets emotional when he is brought up in conversation. He doesn't feel this way toward her. When I mentioned to Mom that I plan to invite him and his wife to the wedding, she got upset. She told me I have no business inviting him and that she doesn't want to see him.

I do not share my mother's resentment. I don't want my father to feel excluded. I worry about Mom's feelings and about my father's first U.S. trip being during the wedding when I will surely be distracted with lots of things. Please advise. -- BRIDE TORN IN TWO IN NEBRASKA

DEAR BRIDE: Your father may have no hard feelings toward your mother because it appears he accepted no emotional or financial responsibility at the time you were conceived. If he knew she was pregnant and offered no help, then all of that fell on her shoulders.

It's appropriate you are worried about your mother's feelings, because you should be. If you want a relationship with your father, no one can prevent you. However, if he hasn't "earned" the right to be at your wedding and if you have any sensitivity at all to your mother's feelings, entertain him in the U.S. at a later date when he can have your full attention. (I hesitate to say "the attention he deserves" because I'm not sure he deserves any.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 56 and still don't know what I want to do with my life. I have no real talents or passions. I have 1,000 interests and hobbies, none of which would ever develop into a career. I have worked whatever job I could get to pay the bills (more or less), but they have all been near minimum wage, so 10 years from retirement, I have no savings.

I got to the point I was so miserable at my last job that I quit without having another one waiting for me, so I'll probably end up taking whatever dead-end job I can get just to get a paycheck. How can I convince potential employers I can do something different when I don't believe it myself? -- DIANE IN CANTON, ILL.

DEAR DIANE: Your problem is you have lost faith in yourself. If you have had "1,000 interests and hobbies," I'm betting you are proficient in at least half of them, which means you do have a wealth of varied experiences to offer some lucky employer. Please keep that in mind the next time you go for an interview, because as long as you have the determination, it is never too late.

DEAR ABBY: Throughout my three grandchildren's lives, I have picked them up from school, and attended school functions, games and activities in which they have participated. Their parents work, and I was helping out.

I have given them money for camps, clothes for all changes of season, and anything they especially needed or wanted. I baby-sat after school and on weekends while my daughter-in-law, "Kathy," went to "memory book classes" and special scrapbooking lessons. I'm always at her beck and call. I do anything I am asked, even if I must rearrange my own schedule.

The oldest grandchild graduated this year, and Kathy had photos out and memory books displayed for everyone to see. As I glanced through, I noticed there were no pictures of me with the kids nor any from our side of the family. My son (their father) was barely in any of them, either. There were plenty of photos with Kathy, her mom and her siblings. Although Kathy has a nice camera and has snapped pictures of us, none made it into the memory books.

I am truly hurt. When the children look back in years to come, it will be as if we were never in their lives. They will see only one side of their family tree. They have other cousins, aunts and uncles they will not remember. Am I wrong to feel hurt that we were left out of the children's memory book family? -- GRANDMA ON THE WRONG SIDE

DEAR GRANDMA: No, I don't think you're wrong. And I think you should tell your daughter-in-law how you feel, because there is nothing I can do to rectify it. If Kathy is unwilling or unable to amend her memory books, consider getting ahold of some of the more accurate -- and inclusive -- "rejects" that should have been included and creating a few photo albums of your own.

And another thought: Please don't think your grandchildren will forget you because you don't appear in their mother's memory books. You have been such a constant, loving, supportive and important presence in their lives that such a thing would be impossible. While their mom is capturing the memories, you are creating them.

DEAR ABBY: I recently married "Ron," a widower. His wife "Marianne" died three years ago. They had a solid, happy marriage. Ron's father had a heart attack and died at their wedding reception.

Ron had a tattoo put on his arm -- "E.R.M." and the date. The letters stand for his father ("Erwin"), Ron and Marianne. The date is their wedding date. Ron says that on that day the three of them were eternally bound. I don't like the tattoo, but Ron adamantly refuses to have it removed.

I'm mostly unhappy about Ron's feeling that there's an eternal bond between him, his late wife and his father. Am I unreasonable for wanting him to remove it? -- INKED OUT WEST

DEAR INKED: Yes! It's a huge mistake to compete with dead people. It is understandable that your husband would feel love for his deceased wife and father. That love is part of why he's the person he is today -- the man you fell in love with. The sooner you learn to appreciate him for all the love in his heart, the healthier your marriage will be.