DEAR ABBY: I am 59 and have a steady, good-paying job. I was married for 20 years, but divorced 11 years ago. I am set in my ways.

I have been seeing a woman, "Melinda," for eight years now. She's 51 and also has a steady job. We live 30 miles apart. Our relationship has been somewhat rocky, but we have also had some really great times.

Melinda has said for years that she wants to get married. It makes me nervous. My hands sweat and I think of every excuse not to when she brings it up. I'm in love with her, but when she brings up marriage, I run and hide.

She feels our relationship should end so she'll be free to meet someone else and marry. She deserves that right, and I understand it. I struggle, though, when I don't hear from her, speak to her or I imagine her with someone else. It drives me nuts, and I end up contacting her. We start talking and things seem fine for a while, until the M-word is mentioned.

I suggested we move in together and see how it works, but it never happened. Abby, what is my problem? Why can't I get married? -- TORN & STRUGGLING IN ARIZONA

DEAR TORN & STRUGGLING: Your problem may be that your first marriage -- and probably your divorce -- left you marriage-averse. Because you're in love with Melinda and can't manage without her, let me suggest that you discuss this with a licensed mental health professional and see if you can get beyond your fears. Joint counseling with Melinda would also be helpful for both of you, to ensure there are fewer rocky patches in your relationship in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I have a special "Pennies From Heaven" story to share with you.

My dear grandmother recently lost her long battle with Alzheimer's. Toward the end, we weren't sure how aware she was, and if she understood us when we spoke to her. Tonight, my husband, my sister and I decided to have dinner at Grandma's house and go through her photos for her funeral.

After dinner, my sister asked if we had any chocolate. My husband said, "What about the chocolate in the refrigerator?" I hadn't seen any, but when I went to look, there was a packet of chocolate bars wedged in between the drawers. The expiration date on the wrapper was two years ago, when Grandma last lived in the house.

Abby, the refrigerator had been cleaned out multiple times, but somehow we missed the chocolate until today when we needed a sign from my grandmother that she was near.

Grandma was a Dear Abby fan. We found many of your clippings among her photos. I know she'd love it if you shared this story with your readers. -- JEAN'S GRANDDAUGHTER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR JEAN'S GRANDDAUGHTER: I'm glad to do it. And speaking as another chocoholic, that you found Grandma's stash in your time of need warmed my heart. I hope it lifted your spirits during what had to be an emotional time. Please accept my condolences for the loss of your dear grandmother.

DEAR ABBY: I'm almost 20. I have a well-paying job and live with my mother in a small town. My issue is I don't know how to break away from her.

My older siblings still live here, too. They don't help pay rent, utilities, groceries or anything. Mom and I pay for everything in a house of six people. My boyfriend and I have discussed living together, but I don't know how I will ever be able to leave. No one else helps Mom, and I don't want her to lose the house.

I know the solution is "everyone will have to pay their way." But they don't, and Mom won't enforce it. I want to help her because she's my mother, but I have my own life and I can't stay here forever.

How should I approach this with her? I don't want there to be bad feelings. I don't know if I'm selfish wanting to move in with my boyfriend, but I want a life of my own. -- STUCK IN THE WEST

DEAR STUCK: If your mother can't keep her house on her own, there are serious problems ahead for her. If she doesn't have the income to afford it, she may have to find a job or sell it.

It should not be your responsibility to support the family. Your siblings aren't contributing to the household because your mother has been enabling them to avoid it. Have a private conversation with her. Tell her you plan to move out, so you are giving her plenty of notice and a departure date.

I caution you, however, against moving in with your boyfriend if it's because of a desire to escape this unfair situation. It would be better for you to be economically independent and have experienced living on your own before moving in with anyone. That way, you will be less vulnerable should the romance not work out as envisioned, because not all of them do.

DEAR ABBY: One of my friends who I work with is getting married this summer. She recently asked me for my address and, since we also went to school together, asked me to give her a few other friends' addresses as well. So imagine my surprise when my friends all received invitations to her wedding in the mail and I did not.

I think it's possible that my invitation legitimately was lost in the mail or it may have been an honest oversight. However, I realize it's also possible that she wants to keep her wedding small and decided against inviting me.

How do I politely ask if I'm invited to her wedding? I've tried bringing up the subject in conversation at work, but I'm afraid it would be rude to directly ask if I'm still invited. I consider her a good friend and get along great with her fiance, so I'm thinking it was an honest mistake. -- TIRED OF BEING "MINNESOTA NICE"

DEAR TIRED: I don't think that being direct would be rude. Because you consider her a good friend, ask whether your wedding invitation could have been lost in the mail because it's possible it may have been. If she responds that you are not invited, you'll not only know where you stand, but also that SHE is NOT "Minnesota Nice."

DEAR ABBY: Six months ago, my best friend's fiance raped me. He is a man I've known for many years, and I didn't see it coming. I became pregnant but had a miscarriage two months later. I recently had to have a hysterectomy from damage incurred from the rape and the miscarriage.

I never went to the police or pressed charges, and very few people are aware of the whole horrific experience. I have been beyond traumatized by what happened.

My best friend knows nothing about it, and I have been unable to face her since that awful night. We text now and then, and she keeps asking why I have suddenly dropped out of her life. I don't know if I can tell her the truth. We were as close as sisters, and I honestly miss her like crazy, but I can't be part of her life if this monster is in it.

Do I tell the truth? Or do I just shut her out of my life? This has taken a physical and emotional toll on me. Please give me some advice. -- MISSING A FRIEND IN CANADA

DEAR MISSING: Gladly. Find the nearest rape and sexual assault treatment center in your province and make an appointment immediately! You need more help than anyone can give you in a letter, and the people there can counsel you not only on what to do, but also what your options are at this point. Your friend should absolutely be informed about what she's getting into if she marries your rapist, but I do not recommend that you tell her until you have strong emotional support beside you.

DEAR ABBY: Our married son and two young children live in Kurdistan, Iraq. They are volunteering for a charity that helps Syrian refugees. While we admire their noble efforts, we struggle with the daily sacrifices this brings to our whole family.

We work full time and could save up to visit them, but because we are not comfortable with their choice to live in this dangerous part of the world, we continue to refuse their invitation. What do you advise? Are we being self-centered? -- SO FAR AWAY

DEAR SO FAR AWAY: No, you are being rational and self-protective. Not only do I not think you are self-centered, I'm suggesting you keep them in your prayers and use Skype or video chatting to stay in contact.

DEAR ABBY: Recently a friend invited me to a sex toy party. The saleswoman hosting the event is a distant acquaintance.

What is the most polite way to ask her if she has informed her family of her profession? Is it OK to attend if she hasn't told her relatives she sells sex products? If I refuse her invitation, would it be polite to enclose an order for some of her products? I prefer to buy from a reputable saleswoman rather than some anonymous website. -- AWKWARD IN ILLINOIS

DEAR AWKWARD: I don't think it would be appropriate to ask your hostess whether she has informed her family about her career, although I suspect she has made them aware of it. And if you prefer to decline the invitation, I'm sure enclosing an order for her products would be fine with her -- and possibly the start of an ongoing business relationship.