DEAR ABBY: I recently found out my grandmother has been diagnosed with lung cancer and has elected not to treat it. The doctors give her a year at the most. My dilemma is whether to extend just one more olive branch.

She has never been a "warm and fuzzy" type of grandmother. She was cold and distant when I was in my teens and 20s, and downright mean when I was in my 30s. If I try to talk to her at family functions, she turns away and begins a conversation with someone else, not even acknowledging that I'm standing there. Last year at a family reunion, she took several photos with my mom and sister, and when it was suggested I join them in the photo, she walked away before one could be snapped. I'm not the only family member or grandchild she behaves this way toward. None of us knows why.

Do I try one more time, suspecting the diagnosis hasn't softened her heart and that I'll again end up with hurt feelings? Or do I assume that nothing I do now will change who she is and that I will have no positive, happy memories of her? -- INVISIBLE IN KANSAS

DEAR INVISIBLE: Frankly, the chances of your grandmother transforming into someone warm and accepting don't look promising because she appears to be a punitive and unhappy person. However, if you feel you might have regrets if you don't try once more to connect with her, then make the effort so that when she dies, you'll know you did everything you could. Don't do it for her; do it for yourself.

DEAR ABBY: Ever since I was young, which was not that long ago, I have known my parents' marriage wasn't a healthy one. But only recently has it begun to affect me emotionally. It isn't that I blame myself, but that I'm afraid of how my own romantic endeavors will fare.

Recently, I was told about my mother's infidelity. I was always curious and suspected that one or both of them had affairs. But now more than before, I worry about finding love. Love is something we all seek, and I believe we all need, but I don't see myself as able to handle that kind of heartbreak.

I understand why Mom did it -- that's part of what hurts me. I'm angry that they would masquerade a failure "for me," that failure being their "relationship." I think my anger is valid. My family has screwed me up emotionally and it started long before I knew what was going on. What should I do? -- SCREWED UP IN OREGON

DEAR SCREWED UP: When children are raised in a household where the parents' words and actions are different, they cope either by believing only what they are told (even if it contradicts what they see happening) or only what they see. While it can interfere with forming healthy relationships later in life, it's the way they keep themselves sane.

You are right to be concerned, and I hope you will discuss this with a licensed counselor or therapist because if you do, you will find it helpful.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of 10 years, "Scott," and I separated last year. I was pregnant and hormonal at the time, and told him we would never get back together. We went a month without contact, then reconnected.

While Scott was in the process of working things out with me, he had a girlfriend. He made it seem like not a big deal, but apparently it was more serious. He told her she was the love of his life and he didn't want to lose her, etc. When our daughter was born five months later, he told me he was done with the other woman. They talked for a month after our baby arrived and then he cut her off.

I recently found some old messages between them, and my heart shattered all over again. Scott says it was all a joke and he never meant any of it. The text messages imply otherwise.

I don't know if I should take another break to clear my head, or wait until my heartache passes. Please help. -- EMOTIONAL IN THE SOUTH

DEAR EMOTIONAL: If you were convinced that Scott has been completely honest, I doubt you would have searched his message history. As to his relationship with the other woman being a "joke," I doubt she was laughing when -- after hearing she was the love of his life and he didn't want to lose her -- he announced it was over.

You appear to like drama. You brought this on when you told Scott the two of you would "never" reconcile. I do think you should take a break until you are less emotional, because the choices you have made so far haven't been entirely rational.

DEAR ABBY: I live on soft drinks. I don't eat real food. I can't remember the last time I ate a hot meal, much less vegetables. I exist solely on massive amounts of soda -- two two-liter bottles a day. If I put food in my stomach, it's usually bread or candy.

I don't binge and purge. Because I'm never hungry, I don't look at it as starving myself. The last time I tried to get off the soda I got sick to my stomach, light-headed and felt out of sorts. I don't know if I'm addicted to the caffeine, the sugar or both. I want to be able to go to a restaurant on a date and eat like a normal person.

I don't know what to do or how to do it. This liquid diet is slowly killing me and I need help. I have expressed my concerns to my doctors and even my therapist. I don't think they believe me or understand the extent of my problem. What would you suggest? -- STUCK IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR STUCK: It appears you have an eating disorder. Because your doctor and your therapist both seem unable to understand that and help you, consider replacing them. You should also consult a licensed nutritionist who is a registered dietitian (R.D.).

Caffeine and sugar withdrawal can both cause the symptoms you describe. Neither withdrawal is "fun," and both can cause headaches and more. You may have to wean yourself rather than quit cold turkey, and a nutritionist can help you to create a personalized eating program that's right for you.

DEAR ABBY: Our amazing daughters are in their late 20s. Both of them are independent, intelligent and loving. The four of us have a special bond. My wife and I have always been supportive in all aspects of our daughters' lives, and that will never change.

They have been dating great guys over the past five years whom we believe they will ultimately marry. The problem? My wife and I were raised with certain values, and our daughters have recently moved in with their boyfriends. We do not approve, but respect their decisions as adults.

One daughter plans to have an open-house party celebrating their new place. She's upset that my wife and I have indicated we won't be attending, because doing so would be difficult and against our beliefs. We have understood her decision, but she does not appear to respect ours. Are we wrong to take this stance? -- AGAINST THE TIDE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR AGAINST: I think so. Your daughter is an adult. Do you plan to continue "punishing" her and the man you say you approve of until they tie the knot? She and her boyfriend have been a couple for five years now, and their relationship appears to be progressing nicely. It's not unusual for couples today to live together. I see nothing to be gained by skipping their open house -- but I do see something to lose.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's grandmother keeps purchasing season tickets to the theater for me. I have told my mother-in-law (who is in charge of buying the tickets) as politely as possible that summer is a very busy time for me. My kids, husband and I are all involved in activities, and the theater conflicts with these activities.

As well, I don't particularly enjoy the group of people that we go there with. (I haven't shared this with my mother-in-law.) While I like my mother-in-law and husband's grandmother, the others are rude. They exclude me from conversations and hardly acknowledge my existence. I try to make conversation but unsuccessfully. It makes for a dreadfully awkward evening.

How do I get out of going to the theater without hurting anyone's feelings? -- NO THANKS IN CANADA

DEAR NO THANKS: The most effective way to accomplish that would be to stop beating around the bush and tell your husband's mother and grandmother you would prefer not to be included, and the reason why.

DEAR ABBY: I like a girl but don't know if she likes me. I went to a school dance with her, but that's about it. I'm a choosy person, but everything seems right about her.

I never had a girlfriend before. Am I doing something wrong? I really want to be in a relationship with her, but I don't want to get rejected. I hate that feeling. Can you give me advice on what to do? -- IN LIKE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR IN LIKE: There is a saying, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." It means that in order to succeed, you have to try. In dating relationships, there is always some risk of rejection, and it applies to girls as well as boys. If you want a relationship with her, stop being afraid and start acting like it. Because she went to a dance with you, she probably already likes you, too.