DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to "Tony," whom I have known since first grade. We live with his mother under the same roof, but in separate rooms. Tony is perfect in every way except one: He's a restless sleeper.

Sometimes he wakes up shouting. He has fallen down the stairs and woken up in different rooms. He talks in his sleep as well. I thought I could live with it, but a month ago things changed.

I came home late and he was sleeping downstairs. I think he thought I was an intruder. He woke up and ran at me. He started trying to hit me and was shouting. I was screaming and crying, "Honey!" over and over to wake him up. He says he would never hurt me, but when he ran at me, it was clear he didn't recognize me.

For a week after that, I slept with a barricade against my door. Now I'm terrified of him when he's asleep. I know it's only a matter of time before we move out on our own and will be sleeping in the same room, or trying. How can I get over this fear or help him to sleep more soundly? -- COWERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR COWERING: You can help your fiance by getting him to a sleep disorder specialist, because that's his problem. Frankly, I am surprised he hasn't seen one before now. His doctor can refer him, or he can go online to find one near you. Please don't wait until something like this happens again, or he hurts himself falling down stairs while sleepwalking.

DEAR ABBY: We are a group of 10 friends, all retirees from the same large organization. We meet for lunch every few weeks and enjoy talking amongst ourselves about people we knew and situations that took place in our old jobs.

A supervisor many of us had work issues with is about to retire. We are concerned that it's only a matter of time until she approaches us and wants to join our lunch group. We have thought about saying it's "loose-knit" and "we have no formal time or place," but that's not exactly true, and we're sure she wouldn't be deterred by that.

I wish I had the nerve to tell her the group is for us rank-and-file employees -- no supervisors allowed. Because we may run into her from time to time once she is retired, we want to be gracious but assertive about our refusal to have her join us. Advice? -- GROUP MEMBER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR GROUP MEMBER: If the woman approaches you (keep in mind that your worries may not materialize and you may not be asked), remember she's no longer your supervisor and can no longer affect your life in any way. If she asks if she can join you, you should tell her no. And if she asks why, explain it to her exactly as you explained it to me. It's the truth. (As we sow, so shall we reap.)

DEAR ABBY: Does a male in his own home, walking around bare-chested, have to put a shirt on when someone is going to enter the home from the outside? -- DAVE IN FLORIDA

DEAR DAVE: If there is any question that the person entering your home might be offended, out of consideration, you should cover up. A close friend or family member might not mind, but it's better to err on the side of caution.

DEAR ABBY: Help! Facebook is killing my social life. I am wondering if anyone else is having this experience.

I am a woman whose job requires me to be on the computer eight hours a day. The last thing I want after work is to go online. Before Facebook took over my social circle, this wasn't a problem. But now all my friends and family are on the site and pressuring me to do likewise.

Gradually, Facebook contact seems to be replacing real, physical get-togethers. Things that used to be done in person or over the phone are now all done on Facebook, and we rarely get together anymore. If I don't check Facebook, I am out of the loop.

If I suggest getting together, everyone is "busy" -- busy on Facebook, I guess. They aren't mad at me or avoiding me, they just want contact on their terms. Am I the only one having this problem? -- OLD-SCHOOL IN CHAMPAIGN, ILL.

DEAR OLD-SCHOOL: I'm sure you're not the only one. The Internet is supposed to be a tool to facilitate communication, not a substitute for real, flesh-and-blood relationships. If you can't work out a compromise with your friends and family -- say, one in-person visit a month -- you may have to cultivate some new relationships with other "old-school" people who also prefer face-to-face contact.

DEAR ABBY: My father recently passed away. It was unexpected. He was my sunshine and my heart. I am devastated. Because of this, I am no longer sure I want to have a traditional wedding. It would be too sad to not share the day with Dad, as I had dreamed. My fiance and I have discussed eloping, and it seems like the right idea.

The trouble with eloping, however, is that we'd want our parents and siblings there as witnesses, and we'd like a party for friends and extended family after the nuptials. People are telling me that's not eloping, and they have been looking forward to attending our wedding.

In the midst of my grief, I'm not sure how to respond to their comments. What should I do? -- FATHERLESS BRIDE IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR FATHERLESS BRIDE: If you would prefer your nuptials to be a small, intimate affair, that's what they should be. Have a reception later. Whether others were looking forward to attending your wedding is beside the point. If you are challenged for not wanting a big wedding, all you need to say is that your plans changed when your father died. No one should be able to argue with that, because your feelings are understandable.

DEAR ABBY: I have a neighbor who is always asking to borrow things. The items come back only if I go and collect them -- from food items like spices, to gasoline, cash and more. The situation is almost comical, like Simpson vs. Flanders. How can I make my stuff less available without outright saying no? -- FLANDERS OF "SPRINGFIELD," MAINE

DEAR FLANDERS: And what is wrong with just saying no? When someone's generosity is abused, that's the most logical thing to do. And without being nasty, you should tell your neighbor the reason why.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 40s and my boyfriend of three years is 12 years older. We are in love and our relationship is great. He travels for work and lives in another state, so he flies in to see my daughter and me every other week. Because he is older, he uses Viagra, and it's kept at my place in a drawer. I assumed that's where it was always kept.

Abby, when he left for his trip yesterday, he took his Viagra with him! He says he grabbed the bottle without thinking and that I'm overreacting. The rest of his things are kept in his travel bag, so it's not like he just gathered up all of his pills. They were the only ones. Now he's upset with me because "I don't trust him."

Can you help me get my thinking straight? I caught him lying about something when we first started dating, so he's not all squeaky clean like he acts. -- SUSPICIOUS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Unless your boyfriend was prescribed the Viagra for a condition other than ED, I'd say you have a right to be suspicious. Because his little blue pills were kept apart from his other medications, it took special effort for him to pack them. Talk with him further because he may have been contemplating a "party of one" during his travels and not have been looking for adventure.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in the middle of a situation that I'm not sure how to deal with. My mother's husband made a pass at my boyfriend. My boyfriend thinks I should tell her.

Abby, my mother and her husband are in their 70s, and I don't want to cause problems in their marriage. I'd like to write it off as a "misunderstanding," but my stepdad has a history of doing things like this. -- ANONYMOUS IN OREGON

DEAR ANONYMOUS: If your boyfriend didn't already, he should tell your stepfather the pass was unwelcome and he doesn't want it to happen again. If it does, you and your boyfriend should talk to your mother about it and explain why she'll be seeing less of you unless she visits you -- alone. Because this isn't the first time your stepfather has acted inappropriately, it won't be news to her. And because she has tolerated his behavior in the past, I doubt it will cause problems between them now.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's family gave us a large painting that is not our taste at all. We would love to get rid of it, but of course we feel obligated to keep it and hang it in order to not hurt their feelings.

They live nearby and visit often, so putting the painting away doesn't seem realistic. We live in a small apartment and there is nowhere "discreet" to hang it. Plus, it is too large to take to our offices.

Other than staging a robbery, are there any options that would keep everyone happy? -- GRINNING & BEARING IT

DEAR GRINNING: Another option would be to level with your in-laws. Tell them you are grateful for their generosity, but the artwork is not your taste, and then ask if they would mind if you exchanged it.