DEAR ABBY: Last week, I had a seizure in front of my fourth-grade students. This has never happened to me before, so I had never spoken to my students about such a thing. I want to write them and their families a letter expressing my apologies, thanking them for their kind thoughts and giving basic advice on how to handle a seizure. Is this appropriate? If so, how do I start the letter? -- APPROPRIATE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR APPROPRIATE: Before writing the letter, check with the principal of your school. Because you now know that you are prone to having seizures, I think it makes sense that your students should know what one is, and what to do in case it happens again in the classroom. Some seizures can be almost unnoticeable, while others can be quite severe. If yours are severe, a student should immediately inform another adult and ask for help.

P.S. While you may want to thank everyone for their kindness, it should not be necessary to apologize to anybody for something you couldn't control.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has always been very independent. She had a normal childhood with the usual friends and events, nothing traumatic that I know of. She is a pretty girl with a funny personality and is very bright.

The issue is, she is 18 and has been on only two dates. She shows no interest in forming any sort of romantic relationship. She has never had a boyfriend, though many boys have expressed interest in her. The two dates she did go on, one in high school and one in college, she called "duds."

She says she's not gay, and has commented on good-looking guys. I don't know what to think. Do you? -- WONDERING MOM

DEAR WONDERING MOM: You say your daughter has always been independent. It's possible she has enough self-assurance that she doesn't think she needs a man in her life right now. It may also be that before becoming emotionally involved with anyone she would prefer to focus on her education or career path. Whatever her reasons, you would be making a mistake to push her in any direction she doesn't feel ready for, or make her uncomfortable about being the way she is.

DEAR ABBY: Mom passed away five years ago, and Dad died four months ago. For the last years of his life Dad was hoping we'd move into their home. It's a beautiful place in a country setting with lots of trees, including pecan trees. We were undecided.

After Dad died, my husband and I were at home making all the funeral arrangements and we were both emotionally exhausted. While I tried to stay busy inside the house, my husband decided to go outside to clear his head. While walking around the yard, he found a pecan in the grass! Abby, there are no pecan trees in this entire neighborhood. We knew the rational answer was that a squirrel must have dropped it, but in our hearts we felt it was Dad giving us the hug we needed so badly, and his way of telling us that everything will work out.

We will be moving into my parents' home in the near future. -- AT PEACE IN LOUISIANA

DEAR AT PEACE: There's nothing nutty about your experience. Sometimes we just need a nudge from above to guide us into doing what's right for us. I wish you well in your new home.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a great relationship with a wonderful man, "Kevin." He loves me very much and we get along well. I have three kids -- two with special needs -- and Kevin loves them and treats them like his own. He also has a son, age 6, who has cystic fibrosis.

I love Kevin and can see myself marrying him. The problem is, I don't think I like his son. He's a good kid, cute and funny, but I don't feel "love" for him. I'm affectionate with my own kids, but I have to force myself to be with this boy. I am easily irritated by him and sometimes just don't want to be bothered.

I know this sounds terrible, but I don't know what I should do. I don't want to end my relationship with Kevin because I'm so in love. But is it fair to stay with him if I don't love his son, too? -- IN CONFLICT IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IN CONFLICT: Frankly, it depends upon whether you can learn to love the boy. You say you don't like him. Why not? Is the reason valid? Is he mean, dishonest, spoiled or too needy? Or could it be that he's a living reminder that your boyfriend once loved another woman?

If your relationship is to work, you may need an attitude adjustment. Can you focus on the positive qualities the boy has? That would be a good first step. If not, then for everyone's sake, end the relationship now.

DEAR ABBY: I am 12 and my mom is part of a church group (Unitarian). She recently told me she is taking me to her church where they are making pies for the homeless. Even though this is a nice act, I don't want to be a part of it (mainly because I am very shy around new people).

When I told my mom, she said she thought I was being rude and inconsiderate, and that she would make me come and ground me if I didn't go. Is there any way I can explain it to her better? -- SHY KID

DEAR SHY KID: If you have already told your mother the reason is your shyness, then I can't think of a way to state it more clearly. She may feel that your help in the project is urgently needed, which is why she's insisting. Or, she may feel that it might help you to overcome your shyness. Sometimes when people work together for a worthy cause they forget about themselves and their insecurities. I hope you will give it a try -- if only so you won't be grounded.

DEAR ABBY: Our waitress in a mid-level chain restaurant was friendly and helpful, but her tongue was pierced with a stud. It impaired her speech, making her hard to understand and it was visible every time she spoke.

We are pretty liberal about most things, but it was difficult for us to enjoy our meal. Would it have been OK for us to ask for a different waitress? -- PUT OFF IN TENNESSEE

DEAR PUT OFF: Yes. If you preferred that another server help you, it was within your rights to ask for one or ask to be moved to a table in another section of the restaurant.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for quite a while, and our intimate life became monotonous and unimaginative a long time ago. Over the years I have suggested we try things like role-playing and other non-extreme variations during intimate times. My suggestions were met with rolling eyes and retorts like, "I'm your wife, not a hooker." I finally gave up and try to be content with what we have together.

Then one evening she surprised me and did one of the things I had suggested. It was very nice and she seemed to like it, too. I didn't know what to say to her. "Thank you" somehow seemed condescending. We have done nothing like it since.

I doubt if the answer is in the etiquette books. What should I have said to her to let her know how much I appreciated her loosening up and hope it will perhaps make her more comfortable spicing things up in the future? -- ETIQUETTE ADVOCATE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR ADVOCATE: Praise is a powerful incentive. Flowers would have been nice. But since you didn't send any, try this: Invite your wife out to dinner at a nice restaurant. Tell her how surprised and delighted you were with the special surprise she gave you. A small gift to commemorate the occasion couldn't hurt either.

A satisfying sex life is all about communication, and if my mail is any indicator, if more wives were uninhibited in the bedroom, there would be a lot less business for the "professionals."

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a wonderful man for two years and am in hopes of getting a proposal soon. We are both committed to staying pure before marriage and have not been intimate.

My question to you is, do I have to tell him, now or ever, that I have had breast implants? I did it several years ago, and it greatly improved my self-esteem. I'm glad I did it.

Since he has never felt any breasts, if I tell him, my fear is he will get hung up on the thought, "I wonder what real breasts feel like." On the other hand, if I don't tell him and sometime in the future he finds out, he may be like, "I can't believe you kept that from me." What would you advise? -- RETICENT IN KENTUCKY

DEAR RETICENT: Many women have breast enhancement surgery so their figures will be more balanced. For the reason you have mentioned, you should tell your boyfriend. It should make no difference to him. However, if it does, it's better that you know now before you spend any more time on someone who measures the worth of a woman by how "real" her breasts are.

P.S. If he wants to know what "real" breasts feel like, tell him to go hug his mother.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: I'll pass along this pithy sentiment shared with me by former California Gov. Gray Davis. In a commencement speech to students graduating from Columbia Law School, Davis told them: "School is fair. Life is not. Just get used to it."