DEAR ABBY: I am considered to be a quite attractive -- easily a nine or a 10 -- professional dancer here in Las Vegas. I recently met a guy who has literally met almost all my dream qualities for a life partner, husband and father of my future children.

The problem is, I'm not attracted to him. He's not ugly; he has symmetrical features, straight teeth, nice skin and is in pretty good shape, if a little on the skinny side. I have always dated muscular, very fit men who get me excited at the sight of them, and I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me because after nine months I'm still struggling with his looks.

I feel like there is no sexual chemistry. But we have another kind of chemistry because we get along great, and he motivates me to be a better person.

Am I shallow, or is the lack of sexual chemistry a sign that maintaining a successful long-term relationship won't happen? -- MISS PICKY IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR MISS PICKY: I'm not going to call you shallow. Whether lack of sexual chemistry is a deal-breaker for you depends upon how important sex is to you. From what you have told me, looks are a primary factor in what draws you to men. (It would be interesting to know how long the relationships you described lasted.)

Bear in mind that men who are Adonises can lose their looks if they don't consistently work at it -- just as women do. Much as we might wish it, looks don't always last forever. That's why, if you're looking for a long-term relationship, it's extremely important to take into consideration qualities that will last.

DEAR ABBY: My 67-year-old mother has vascular dementia and breast cancer. In accordance with her living will and many conversations we had before the dementia began, we (Mom, my sisters and I) have decided to forgo treatment. She has been widowed for 17 years; she watched her husband -- our father -- die from cancer. She lives in an excellent health care facility that will provide her with palliative care when the time is right.

My question is, how do we inform people (family and friends) of her diagnosis and of our treatment plan? Without knowing the whole story, without having seen her very recently, it seems everyone has an opinion on what we "should" do. How do we tell these people that, while we appreciate their concern, this is her decision without hurting their feelings and our relationships? -- FAMILY WITH A DILEMMA

DEAR DILEMMA: How do these unwanted advice givers know that you do not plan to subject your mother to treatments that would only prolong her decline? If you solicited their opinion, you made a mistake. If you didn't, then the last sentence of your letter -- if said kindly -- is an appropriate way to phrase the message.

Your mother's treatment plan is nobody's business but yours and your sisters'. If these are her wishes as stated in her advance directive for health care, then you should respect them. To do otherwise would be a betrayal of her trust.

DEAR ABBY: We have a couple of daughters who have told us we must take off our shoes if we visit them (and our beautiful grandchildren). Although I'm not sure of their reasons for this, I do know for sure that we have never tracked any kind of dirt into their house when we visited. In fact, our shoes are always clean.

I have very sensitive feet. I cannot even walk outside barefoot. On top of that, my feet get cold if they aren't covered. I have always worn house slippers at home if I didn't have shoes on.

In a discussion with my wife, I suggested that their request was both inconsiderate and disrespectful. I also said they should provide alternatives to shoes for visitors if they expect guests to remove their shoes. What is the proper etiquette in a situation like this? -- COLD FEET IN IOWA

DEAR COLD FEET: A person does not have to track "dirt" into a house to carry germs on the soles of one's shoes. If guests have walked on a sidewalk or driveway where someone has walked a dog or spat, then I can see why a parent might want shoes removed if children play on the floor.

Good manners in a case like this would be to cheerfully cooperate with your hosts and, if slippers are not provided, to bring a pair over that you can leave for the next time you visit. It's a small price to pay for spending time with your beautiful grandchildren.

DEAR ABBY: We have a 27-year-old nephew who lives at home with his parents. He is a good guy, but he doesn't drive. He has no physical or mental impairments that we are aware of, and all of his numerous family members have offered to teach him. But his nonchalant attitude toward learning has made everyone give up.

We live in a big city with poor public transportation, and his job is far from home. Catching the bus to work is unsafe and takes hours, and daily cab fare isn't cost effective. We know his parents aren't happy transporting him back and forth, and we think they need to push him toward more independence. His social life is limited to family events, and dating is out of the question.

We worry about what will happen as his parents are getting older, and none of us plan on assuming the responsibility of transporting him. Any suggestions? -- CONCERNED AUNT IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONCERNED AUNT: How do you know the parents aren't happy about transporting him? Have they said it? If so, the next time they vent, tell them you're concerned about their son and why. He may have additional problems that you are unaware of. He may simply be a late bloomer or have no incentive to be independent because his parents are happy with him snug in their nest.

However, if this is the elephant in the room that no one -- including the parents -- wants to acknowledge, keep mum because if you don't, you will be resented for it.

DEAR ABBY: My 7-year-old granddaughter, "Kelly," wanted a dollhouse for Christmas. I had a friend build a basic frame, shingled roof, chimney and shutters, then I decorated it.

I did everything by hand. I wallpapered each room, made little rugs and crocheted lace curtains. There were even little window shades. Kelly's room was a perfect princess bedroom. It took weeks, but I loved working on it.

The family came for five days over the holidays. Kelly loved her dollhouse and played with it every day. When it came time to leave, my daughter told Kelly she couldn't take it with her. She had to leave it at Grandma's "so she would have something to play with when she came to visit." Kelly was heartbroken. So was I.

Then my daughter told me (in private) the dollhouse was "too amateurish," which was why she didn't want it in her home. I think about it all the time and don't know how to get past it. Any advice? -- HURT GRANDMA

DEAR HURT: You appear to be a loving grandparent. Sometimes people say things without weighing the effect it will have on the person they're talking to. What your daughter said may have been honest, but it was extremely insensitive in light of the time, effort and love that went into that gift.

Your daughter appears to be more fixated on appearances rather than what's really important in life. What is sad to me is that she may pass along her skewed sense of values to your granddaughter.

DEAR ABBY: I joined a weekly prayer group with women from my church. As a young mom, I appreciate having the opportunity to get out of the house and socialize with other adults, and all the women are nice.

We use an online sign-up to schedule who will host each week. The trouble is, all of the other members have much larger, nicer homes than mine. There's always space for everyone to sit, and a basement for all the kids to play in while we're occupied. I'd love to host, but I'm afraid having all those people in my house would be an embarrassment.

No one has asked why I haven't hosted yet, but I'm getting worried about what to say if someone does. Should I just say I don't have the space? I feel it's rude of me to not take a turn. -- TINY HOUSE DWELLER IN KANSAS

DEAR T.H.D.: Not being able to accommodate a large group is nothing to be embarrassed about. It's a fact of life for many people. If you are asked about why you haven't hosted, tell the truth. Offer to host the gathering at the church -- or outside when the weather permits. If that doesn't work, volunteer to bring food to some of the events so you'll feel like you're contributing your share and no one will feel you are ducking a responsibility.