life

New Girlfriend Is Eager to Rid Garage of Ex-Girlfriend's Stuff

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 20th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Ron," and I have been together for more than a year, and we now live together. His garage is full to overflowing with his ex-girlfriend's belongings. She apparently left him and all her stuff -- including her four cats -- to marry some guy she met online. She no longer lives in this country.

I'm fine with taking care of the cats; they are innocent and I love them. However, I want her stuff out of the garage. Ron thinks it's "the right thing to do" to keep it until she can arrange for it to be moved to her new place.

Abby, it has been a year and a half! She's not going to move this stuff. I want to donate it or trash it as appropriate, and I don't think legally we have any responsibility to tell her or ask her before we do. What do you think? -- WANTS IT GONE IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR WANTS IT GONE: It would be neither appropriate nor kind to do anything to Ron's ex-girlfriend's belongings without warning. Ron should contact her, inform her that he wants to use his garage for the purpose it is intended, and ask if she wants the items she left to be disposed of or put into storage at her expense. He should allow a reasonable time for her to respond before doing anything, and you should distance yourself from the process.

Love & Dating
life

Guest Issues Her Own Invitations To Friend's Parties

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 20th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend with one annoying habit. Whenever we have a party, she'll invite friends without asking first, or by saying, "I told them it was OK to come." It creates a problem because we plan our parties for a certain number of guests, and now there are two, three, sometimes even four more -- often on short notice.

I like her friends, but they are not close friends of mine. Sometimes I just would like to have an intimate gathering with four to six people.

At my last gathering she invited not only her friends but also their children. It went from an intimate brunch for six to a party of 12. We even had to set up a second table.

How can I get her to stop, short of not inviting her to any more of our parties? I feel stuck in a situation that no matter what I do, I'm going to P.O. somebody. Any suggestions? -- PARTY PLANNER IN GEORGIA

DEAR PARTY PLANNER: Your "friend" has a lot of nerve and no manners. She appears to be using you to entertain her other friends, which is not only rude, but also extremely presumptuous. She will continue treating you this way until you call a halt by telling her to cut it out because you don't like it. If she can't respect your wishes after that, see her only on a one-on-one basis.

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors
life

Woman Gambles Away Her Children's Welfare

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 20th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I know someone who receives Social Security for her disabled children. She uses that money to feed a slot machine. Those children could have so many opportunities if their money was used appropriately and it's going down the drain. What can I do about it? It saddens me. -- THINKING ABOUT THE KIDS

DEAR THINKING ABOUT THE KIDS: It appears the woman is addicted to gambling. What she's doing may "sadden" you, but as a taxpaying American it infuriates me because her children aren't getting the assistance that money is meant to provide. So please, pick up the phone, call the Department of Children's Services and clue them in to what's happening. I'm betting they'll be interested.

AbuseMoneyAddiction
life

Mom Wonders How to Deal With Children's Sexual Play

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 19th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Last weekend some family members were at my mom's house for a meal. My 6-year-old son and my cousin's 4-year-old daughter were playing in the room my mom had set up for the grandkids.

When I went to check on them, I noticed the bathroom door was closed, so I knocked. My son answered, sounding rather panicked. I asked if "Jenny" was in there with him. He said no, then opened the door, but he looked scared, as if he knew he had done something wrong, and glanced nervously at the closed shower curtain.

Sure enough, there was Jenny, standing in the tub with her bathing suit around her ankles trying to get it back on. I told her to put her clothes on and took my son outside to speak with him. "Rory" admitted they were showing each other their private parts and had touched and rubbed them. I asked him why and where he learned how to do that, and he implied it was his idea!

Abby, he has never seen any adult movies, magazines, love scenes, or caught me or anyone else in the act. Why on earth would this be on his mind at such a young age? Do you think he needs counseling? -- WORRIED MOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORRIED MOM: No. Playing doctor is a game children have played ever since curiosity was born. I think you need to talk to your child's pediatrician and ask if this behavior is normal at this age.

Sex & GenderFamily & Parenting
life

Female Friendships Are A Threat To Woman's Fiance

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 19th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have had very few female friends in my life. I have a hard time relating to other women. My fiance doesn't approve of me having close friendships with other men.

I recently met a lesbian couple whose company I enjoy. My fiance doesn't like us being friends because "they are trying to turn me gay." Abby, this is ridiculous. I have never been attracted to women, and these ladies have never brought up the possibility that I may be lesbian, as they know I am straight.

How can I make my fiance come to terms with our friendship? I'm thinking of calling off the engagement. -- STRAIGHT GIRL IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STRAIGHT GIRL: Has it become clear to you yet how insecure and controlling your fiance appears to be? Straight people are not "turned gay" because they have lesbian or gay friends. You can talk at him until the cows come home, but unless he is willing/able to overcome his bias, he won't believe you.

This is my long-winded way of advising you to find a more open-minded, secure man to marry because it doesn't take a crystal ball to predict that the one you're engaged to will eventually make you feel isolated, trapped and unhappy.

Friends & NeighborsLove & DatingSex & Gender
life

Blue Nail Polish Is Nothing New In Male Fashion

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 19th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Regarding the gent from Texas who likes to wear blue nail polish, there exists a famous fresco dating from 1500 B.C. or earlier from the palace of Knossos. The fresco was dubbed "The Prince" by British archaeologists and depicts a long-haired male stripped to the waist wearing blue fingernail polish and blue toenail polish. The original now resides in the Heraklion Archeological Museum in Knossos on the island of Crete. Any good art history book will have a reproduction of this well-known work of art. -- RON F. IN RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR RON: Thanks for the heads up, and for confirming that fashion trends are cyclical. Sooner or later, what seems passe today is certain to come around again.

Sex & Gender
life

Widow With Younger Lover Is Uneasy About Their Future

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 18th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow who has fallen in love with a wonderful man who is almost 30 years my junior. He proclaims his love for me every day, and I know it's real. I have been warned by others to be aware of "devious males on the make for comfortably situated widows." After discussing it with the man, I have determined this is not his motive.

Right now, we're good friends who love each other's company. If marriage is in the future for us, I'm afraid of the age factor. He is not. Could you comment and give me some guidance? -- CAUTIOUS IN KANSAS

DEAR CAUTIOUS: Everyone knows there are devious males -- and females -- out there, but not all men are predators. If your friend is financially independent, then it's unlikely he's looking for a sugar mama. While it is unusual, I know several couples in which the wife is considerably older than the husband, and they seem very happy together.

If and when you plan to marry, it makes sense to discuss this with your attorney and have a prenuptial agreement created. If your friend has no ulterior motives, he will understand it's for the protection of both of you and sign it. You have only one life to live -- so live it without worrying about what others may think.

Marriage & DivorceMoneyLove & Dating
life

Friend Resents Mom's Bragging About Straight-A Daughter

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 18th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I just opened my social media account and saw a friend had posted her daughter's report card -- all A's. She then went on to say how proud she was of her because she is also co-captain of her school's volleyball team, and mentoring other students, etc. You get the picture.

My son is suffering from depression and social anxiety, and we are fighting to keep him from failing all his classes. He's going to therapy and is on medication.

Abby, isn't it in poor taste to publicly show your child's report card? My son used to get straight A's before his depression, and I would have never posted his grades. Now I am becoming resentful of friends whose kids are doing well. What advice can you give me besides not opening up my social media account again? -- BAD FEELINGS

DEAR BAD FEELINGS: I hope you realize that what this friend is doing is the same as parents who plaster bumper stickers on their vehicles that read "MY CHILD IS AN HONOR STUDENT." If this woman's posts upset you because of the challenges your son is dealing with, customize your social media feed to omit posts from her. That way you won't have to cut yourself off from social media entirely.

Mental HealthFamily & ParentingWork & School
life

Thought Of Friend Out Of The Blue Foretells Death

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 18th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Have you ever -- out of the blue -- thought of someone you hadn't seen, heard from or thought of in a long time, and later discovered they died around that time? This has happened to me more times than I can count. No one I have spoken with -- friends or family -- has experienced this. Have you ever heard of this phenomenon, and is there a name for it? -- MISS J. IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR MISS J.: I have never had that experience, but I have heard of the phenomenon. It's called either ESP or coincidence, depending upon which psychic plane you dwell. However, I have had friends "pop into my head" and thought I should give them a call, only to hear from them a few days later.

Death

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