life

Grandfather's to-Do List Creates Special Family Day

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 3rd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 62-year-old grandfather of a 5-year-old granddaughter. The other day I had her for the entire day. I decided to make a list of the things we were to accomplish throughout the course of the day. It turned out to be a great success. After completing each task, she would ask, "What's next on the list?"

The first item, No. 1, was to do our "strong" (that's what we call exercise). No. 2 was to write her alphabet and numbers. No. 3 was to "go on an adventure" (that's what we call walking the dog and exploring the nearby field).

Nos. 4, 5 and 6 -- go to the bank, get the car washed, then go to the park to swing, slide, etc. After the park, she asked if we could go to our favorite restaurant across the street. I replied, "How did you know that was next on the list?" Her expression was priceless.

After lunch we went home and did No. 8 -- another adventure, which was take the dogs for a walk again. No. 9 was painting time (what 5-year-old doesn't like to paint?). After cleaning up it was time for No. 10, wash the dishes and Swiffer the floor. No. 11 she could choose something to do. We spent the next two hours playing with her dolls.

At about 5:30 my daughter came to pick her up from an exhausted grandpa. Lists will be part of our routine from now on. I slept like a log that night and hope to have many nights and days just like it in the future. -- GRANDPA ROBERT IN LEXINGTON, KY.

DEAR GRANDPA ROBERT: Your grandchild is lucky not only to have such a loving and dedicated grandpa, but also one with your stamina. I sometimes hear from grandparents -- and other adults -- who ask me for suggestions about how to better connect with their young children. Your letter is a road map that will take them in the right direction.

Family & Parenting
life

Wife Is Tempted To Intervene In Husband's Fight With Friend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 3rd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: During one of their "stay up all night drinking beer and talking" sessions six months ago, my husband, "Ralph," and his best friend of more than 20 years, "Jim," had a huge fight. They haven't spoken since.

Ralph has tried at least three times to contact Jim by phone and email with no response. If Ralph's version of the story is true, they both behaved badly. Ralph has sincerely tried to apologize, but Jim refuses to speak to him.

It breaks my heart to see how much this has upset my husband. I am still Facebook friends with Jim, and every time I see him online I'm tempted to say something to him, but so far I have resisted. Would it be crossing the line for me to reach out and see if he'll talk to me about this? Or should I stay out of it? -- HOPEFUL PEACEMAKER IN ARIZONA

DEAR HOPEFUL PEACEMAKER: I know you mean well, but it would be a mistake to put yourself in the middle. Whatever happened between your husband and his friend must have been a doozy.

You state that this happened during one of their all-night drinking and talking sessions. To me this indicates that one or both of them may have alcohol issues that need to be addressed. This is what should be mentioned, but only to your spouse. If the loss of his long-standing friendship has been painful enough, he may be willing to listen.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Family Chafes Under Cruel Tyranny of a TV Dictator

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 2nd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I love my husband. We have been married for 45 years. But if he isn't in control of the TV, he is unbearable. Even if someone else is watching something, he will come in and demand to change the channel. If he falls asleep and we change the channel back, he gets mad when he wakes up. He'll change it back and immediately fall asleep again. I have tried to get him to understand he is being rude, but he doesn't agree.

I realize this isn't a serious problem, but it's very annoying. Thanks for any suggestions you might have on this issue. -- MARRIED TO A TV HOG

DEAR MARRIED: Trying to reason with your husband won't work because what he's really doing is asserting himself as top dog in the household. I'm sorry you didn't ask me sooner because I could have saved you years of frustration by recommending you get a second television set in another room.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Inherited Engagement Ring Gathers Dust In Bachelor's Possession

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 2nd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I inherited my mom's engagement ring a few years ago when she passed away. I don't know what to do with it now. It appraised for $3,500, but I understand that is full retail. Female friends say I need to keep it to give to a special woman (or use the stone for another ring to offer her).

I'm almost 50 and haven't been in a relationship in many years. My last date was nearly 10 years ago, so I am thinking it is not likely I will ever have anyone to share the ring with. I hate for it to sit in a box until I am gone for someone else to deal with.

Do you think I should sell it or continue to hold onto it? I live a debt-free life after paying off my house a couple of years ago, so the extra money isn't a necessity. -- DAVID IN KENTUCKY

DEAR DAVID: Gems are meant to be enjoyed, and it is doing no one any good sitting in a drawer, a cupboard or a safe. If you have no relatives who might like to have the ring or the stone, then sell it.

Family & ParentingMoneyDeath
life

Couple Explores Repairing Broken Relationship

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 2nd, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: In late 2012, I met the most amazing man I've ever known, "Sean." We fell in love instantly. We had a perfect love until eight months later, when I suffered a mental breakdown.

I didn't know how to deal with anything in my life. I contemplated suicide. I pushed Sean away. In spite of all his pleas and loving expressions, I pushed harder.

Finally, six months into my recovery, I have started to change my life. I had already told Sean to move on. In the six months since we split up, he has recently started dating someone else. I'm better now and want him back. He still loves me and wants me back, too, but says he's afraid of another breakdown.

What do I do? Sean is absolutely perfect for me, and our love was fantastic up until that breakdown. Help me, please! -- FRANTIC IN FRESNO

DEAR FRANTIC: I'll try. If Sean is willing, schedule a session (or two) for both of you with your therapist, so he can discuss his concerns with a mental health professional who is familiar with your case. It may help Sean understand what happened, allay his fears and facilitate you getting back together if he's sincere about what he's telling you.

Love & DatingMental Health
life

Woman's Second Job Is Good Money, but Bad Way to Live

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 1st, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: For the past year and a half, I have worked a full-time and a part-time job while attending school. I recently graduated from college and now have a career that has put me into a better financial position.

My problem is, I'm still working my part-time job. My boyfriend, "Jared," and I get into arguments over whether or not I should keep it.

I enjoy the extra cash, but I'm starting to feel like life is passing me by because I'm working seven days a week, usually 10 hours a day. I am exhausted, but Jared doesn't want me to quit.

Jared doesn't seem to understand that I feel left out when I work this much. I don't have time to see my family or visit friends, something I feel he takes for granted. Should I keep this job and keep Jared happy, or stand my ground and live life my way? -- EXHAUSTED IN IOWA

DEAR EXHAUSTED: At the rate you're going, Jared will work you into a state of collapse. I could understand his not wanting you to quit your part-time job if the two of you were saving for something special, but because you didn't mention that, I am assuming it isn't the case.

In order to have a happy, successful life, people need to achieve a balance between work and time to themselves. If Jared wants the extra income, then my view is that Jared should earn it.

Work & SchoolLove & DatingMoney
life

Neglected Kids Need More Help Than Grandma Can Give Them

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 1st, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am in a quandary over a situation I don't have any legal rights over. A friend of mine has two grandchildren. The mother of the children is neglectful. She didn't take them to a pediatrician for two years. My friend baby-sits all the time and the kids know that she loves them, but she can't take care of them full time because she has health issues.

I think Child Protective Services needs to know what's going on with these kids. The little boy is very mean to animals and he's not yet 5. If CPS is called, they will take the kids away and put them in foster care that may be worse than what they are currently in, but without the love from their grandma. Is there any way to help these children without causing more emotional trauma to them and their grandma? -- CONCERNED IN TEXAS

DEAR CONCERNED: I'm not sure, but of this I am certain: That little boy desperately needs to be evaluated by a mental health professional -- the sooner the better. Children who hurt animals have been known to harm other children.

If Grandma can see that her grandson gets the help he needs, she should see that he gets it ASAP. However, if she can't, and the neglect he is suffering at the hands of his mother is what's causing him to take out his rage on animals, then Child Protective Services should be notified.

Family & ParentingMental HealthHealth & Safety
life

Time To Turn Your Clocks Back

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 1st, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR READERS: It's time for my "timely" reminder that daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday, so don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour before going to bed. (That's what I'll be doing.) -- ABBY

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