life

Family Chafes Under Cruel Tyranny of a TV Dictator

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 2nd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I love my husband. We have been married for 45 years. But if he isn't in control of the TV, he is unbearable. Even if someone else is watching something, he will come in and demand to change the channel. If he falls asleep and we change the channel back, he gets mad when he wakes up. He'll change it back and immediately fall asleep again. I have tried to get him to understand he is being rude, but he doesn't agree.

I realize this isn't a serious problem, but it's very annoying. Thanks for any suggestions you might have on this issue. -- MARRIED TO A TV HOG

DEAR MARRIED: Trying to reason with your husband won't work because what he's really doing is asserting himself as top dog in the household. I'm sorry you didn't ask me sooner because I could have saved you years of frustration by recommending you get a second television set in another room.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Inherited Engagement Ring Gathers Dust In Bachelor's Possession

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 2nd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I inherited my mom's engagement ring a few years ago when she passed away. I don't know what to do with it now. It appraised for $3,500, but I understand that is full retail. Female friends say I need to keep it to give to a special woman (or use the stone for another ring to offer her).

I'm almost 50 and haven't been in a relationship in many years. My last date was nearly 10 years ago, so I am thinking it is not likely I will ever have anyone to share the ring with. I hate for it to sit in a box until I am gone for someone else to deal with.

Do you think I should sell it or continue to hold onto it? I live a debt-free life after paying off my house a couple of years ago, so the extra money isn't a necessity. -- DAVID IN KENTUCKY

DEAR DAVID: Gems are meant to be enjoyed, and it is doing no one any good sitting in a drawer, a cupboard or a safe. If you have no relatives who might like to have the ring or the stone, then sell it.

Family & ParentingMoneyDeath
life

Couple Explores Repairing Broken Relationship

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 2nd, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: In late 2012, I met the most amazing man I've ever known, "Sean." We fell in love instantly. We had a perfect love until eight months later, when I suffered a mental breakdown.

I didn't know how to deal with anything in my life. I contemplated suicide. I pushed Sean away. In spite of all his pleas and loving expressions, I pushed harder.

Finally, six months into my recovery, I have started to change my life. I had already told Sean to move on. In the six months since we split up, he has recently started dating someone else. I'm better now and want him back. He still loves me and wants me back, too, but says he's afraid of another breakdown.

What do I do? Sean is absolutely perfect for me, and our love was fantastic up until that breakdown. Help me, please! -- FRANTIC IN FRESNO

DEAR FRANTIC: I'll try. If Sean is willing, schedule a session (or two) for both of you with your therapist, so he can discuss his concerns with a mental health professional who is familiar with your case. It may help Sean understand what happened, allay his fears and facilitate you getting back together if he's sincere about what he's telling you.

Love & DatingMental Health
life

Woman's Second Job Is Good Money, but Bad Way to Live

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 1st, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: For the past year and a half, I have worked a full-time and a part-time job while attending school. I recently graduated from college and now have a career that has put me into a better financial position.

My problem is, I'm still working my part-time job. My boyfriend, "Jared," and I get into arguments over whether or not I should keep it.

I enjoy the extra cash, but I'm starting to feel like life is passing me by because I'm working seven days a week, usually 10 hours a day. I am exhausted, but Jared doesn't want me to quit.

Jared doesn't seem to understand that I feel left out when I work this much. I don't have time to see my family or visit friends, something I feel he takes for granted. Should I keep this job and keep Jared happy, or stand my ground and live life my way? -- EXHAUSTED IN IOWA

DEAR EXHAUSTED: At the rate you're going, Jared will work you into a state of collapse. I could understand his not wanting you to quit your part-time job if the two of you were saving for something special, but because you didn't mention that, I am assuming it isn't the case.

In order to have a happy, successful life, people need to achieve a balance between work and time to themselves. If Jared wants the extra income, then my view is that Jared should earn it.

Work & SchoolLove & DatingMoney
life

Neglected Kids Need More Help Than Grandma Can Give Them

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 1st, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am in a quandary over a situation I don't have any legal rights over. A friend of mine has two grandchildren. The mother of the children is neglectful. She didn't take them to a pediatrician for two years. My friend baby-sits all the time and the kids know that she loves them, but she can't take care of them full time because she has health issues.

I think Child Protective Services needs to know what's going on with these kids. The little boy is very mean to animals and he's not yet 5. If CPS is called, they will take the kids away and put them in foster care that may be worse than what they are currently in, but without the love from their grandma. Is there any way to help these children without causing more emotional trauma to them and their grandma? -- CONCERNED IN TEXAS

DEAR CONCERNED: I'm not sure, but of this I am certain: That little boy desperately needs to be evaluated by a mental health professional -- the sooner the better. Children who hurt animals have been known to harm other children.

If Grandma can see that her grandson gets the help he needs, she should see that he gets it ASAP. However, if she can't, and the neglect he is suffering at the hands of his mother is what's causing him to take out his rage on animals, then Child Protective Services should be notified.

Family & ParentingMental HealthHealth & Safety
life

Time To Turn Your Clocks Back

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 1st, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR READERS: It's time for my "timely" reminder that daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday, so don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour before going to bed. (That's what I'll be doing.) -- ABBY

life

Past Abuse Causes Present Shame for Husband in Hiding

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 31st, 2014 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: A couple of years ago, I was arrested for domestic violence against my wife. We are still married, but since then, I have become antisocial.

I don't like to go to public gatherings where I know the friends we used to hang out with will be, and I rarely communicate with them. I am extremely embarrassed and feel they are judging me. What do I do? -- ANTISOCIAL IN OHIO

DEAR ANTISOCIAL: Stop hiding. You aren't "antisocial"; you are ashamed of what you did -- and that's a good thing. Many abusers lack that capacity, and because of it they are unable to change their behavior.

I assume that after your arrest, you received counseling and have been able to find outlets other than violence for your frustrations. If you have, let your friends know about it. True friends won't judge you -- and people who do are not friends.

AbuseFriends & Neighbors
life

Aunt Hesitates To Tattle On Party-Girl Niece

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 31st, 2014 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: During a conversation with my daughter "Jessica," who is a graduate student, I mentioned that one of her teenage cousins who attends a nearby university is getting poor grades. Jessica replied that she wasn't surprised. She said she knows her cousin drinks and parties a lot. Jessica went on to say that "Kristin" asked her to buy liquor for her once, but she refused.

My daughter asked me not to tell my brother and sister-in-law what she said because she felt it would be betraying a confidence. I'm unsure what to do. On one hand, I know underage drinking is common. On the other, I would feel horrible if anything bad happened as a result of my silence. Should I tip them off or keep my mouth shut? -- TORN IN IDAHO

DEAR TORN: "Kristin" appears to be immature, and her priorities are misplaced. Her grades might improve if she lived with her parents while taking classes until her judgment improves.

Ask yourself this: If the situation were reversed and the girl with the problem were your daughter, wouldn't you want to be told? If the answer is yes, then notify your brother and sister-in-law.

TeensFamily & ParentingWork & School
life

Gift Horse Should Be Put Out To Pasture

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 31st, 2014 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I don't know what to do about my mother-in-law's unwelcome involvement in my home. She goes behind my back to rearrange furniture, buy decor "gifts" and take care of chores (often making things worse). Yesterday, I came home to find my dishes and silverware had been moved, new rugs and pillows in my living room, and my bedroom nightstand had been replaced!

I have asked her to please talk with me first, and have asked her to stop altogether. My husband stands with me, but she keeps doing it. I don't want to ban her from our home; my husband is her only child. Is there anything else we can do? -- HURT IN SANTA ANA

DEAR HURT: Your mother-in-law isn't trying to be helpful; she's trying to be the dominant female in your home. Stop "asking" and tell her to quit the accessorizing and rearranging because her efforts are not helpful and they are making you angry. Then collect the pillows, the nightstand, etc., and return them to her or donate them to a thrift shop. If she has a key to your house, get it back. She should also not be allowed in your house unless she's supervised.

Family & Parenting
life

Have A Safe And Happy Halloween

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 31st, 2014 | Letter 4 of 4

A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: Tonight is the night when wee witches and goblins collect their loot. Please supervise them so they'll be safe. -- Love, ABBY

Holidays & CelebrationsFamily & ParentingHealth & Safety

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