life

Haunted-House Decor Causes Fright for Neighborhood Kids

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 27th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We have a neighbor who "decorates" his yard for Halloween in the worst way imaginable. Every year it becomes more macabre. He has "bodies" hanging from tree limbs, gravestones with RIP on dirt mounds and other unbelievable atrocities. He thinks it's funny. It is despicable and it scares the children who must walk past his yard.

When we ask him not to put such deplorable items in our neighborhood, he doesn't take it seriously. I'm thinking about taking up a collection and bribing him not to put his growing, vulgar display up this year. What can we do? -- SPOOKED IN TOPEKA

DEAR SPOOKED: What you're describing is a feature of Halloween that many children enjoy. However, you can't "protect" your children forever. When they're old enough to understand, explain to them that this is all done in the spirit of fun, and it's not real or dangerous.

Holidays & CelebrationsFriends & Neighbors
life

Tattoos And Marriage Are Both Intact After 10 Years

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 27th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I were 18, we decided to have each other's initials tattooed on our ring fingers. His tattoo included the initial that one day became my last name. It's been 10 years and our marriage is still solid and beautiful.

I have worked hard at a nursing career, but I feel self-conscious about my tattoo, although I now wear rings as well. I still like my tattoo, but I don't want people judging me because of it. My husband says I'll only hurt myself if I remove something I love having. Do I express my love the way I wish or succumb to nasty stares from patients? -- INKED FOR LOVE

DEAR INKED FOR LOVE: I agree with your husband. You are entitled to express your love any way you wish. Many professional people sport tattoos that are far more flamboyant than the one you have. If you catch a patient staring, smile and share the story behind it. I think it is sweet and rather charming.

Work & SchoolMarriage & Divorce
life

Feuding Friends Pose Holiday Dilemma For Dinner Host

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 27th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am friends with two women who dislike each other. Neither one has family, so I usually invite them over for holiday dinners. Over the past 10 years they have tolerated each other and been cordial. But this summer they had a big row, and the divide is even wider.

I love them both, but how do I now handle Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, knowing how they feel about each other? Should I extend the usual invitation and hope for the best? Or should I not invite either of them to avoid the possible conflict?

I will not take sides. I think both of them are being petty and childish, but I also don't know what to do. My family is quite large, and these two have always blended in nicely. -- IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Because you feel that having them together in the same room would cause tension for you, my advice is to have them over on alternate holidays.

Holidays & CelebrationsFriends & Neighbors
life

Cleanliness That's Nearly Godly May Set Bar Too High

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 26th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A wonderful man, "Frank," said he was interested in developing a relationship. The problem? He is a super neat freak. A person could live in his garage -- it's that clean. The floor is spotless and everything is in its place. Frank washes and shines his car every second day. When there is a delivery to his house, he makes the delivery people remove their shoes before entering.

I'm neat, but not to that extreme. When I'm at Frank's house, I am on pins and needles if I leave a glass on a table that might leave a ring and terrified I'll drop something on his carpet. Frank has never said anything, but I wonder what he's thinking.

I like Frank a lot, but when he comes to my apartment, I notice his 360-degree gaze around the rooms. Another possible problem -- he has no interest in culture or the arts. Am I right in seeing more minuses than pluses in such a relationship? -- NEAT ENOUGH IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NEAT ENOUGH: If what you want from the relationship is just friendship, I don't see a problem. However, if you're looking for more than that, then I'm afraid my answer is yes -- to which I'll add one more "minus": your inability to discuss your misgivings with him.

Love & Dating
life

Mourner Is Shocked To Learn Funeral Was Streamed Online

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 26th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Recently, I went to the funeral of a family member. As we were leaving the chapel, a relative asked me if I was aware that the funeral had been live streamed. I was appalled. After all, going to a funeral allows us a chance to say goodbye to the deceased and to be there to support the surviving family and friends. I don't believe that live streaming can accomplish either of those missions. Am I wrong to think that this was really inappropriate? -- BAFFLED IN BOSTON

DEAR BAFFLED: You may be passing judgment too quickly. These days many funerals and memorials are live streamed, but are not available to the general public. To view them, one needs an access code.

While I agree that the purpose of a funeral is to comfort the living (as well as pay respects to the deceased), what you haven't taken into account is that there may be individuals who may be unable to attend. It could be that the airfare is more than some relatives can afford, or that health problems make travel difficult. In some cases, streaming the service or memorial is a practical solution so that everyone can be included.

Death
life

Parents Need Lesson In Getting Daughters To School Bus On Time

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 26th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A new family moved down the street. They have two young kids who take the bus with my son. What is annoying to me is their daughters are always late for the bus, which makes the bus late to school. Should I say something or let it go? In all the years my son has taken the bus, this is the first time this has happened. Thanks for the advice. -- LATE FOR SCHOOL IN OHIO

DEAR LATE: Talk to your son's teacher, because his tardiness to class could reflect poorly on his grades. The teacher -- or school principal -- might send a note to the parents "reminding" them that children must be in their classrooms by a certain time, that the bus schedule is fixed and cannot be adjusted to accommodate each student, and if it continues to happen, the driver will have to leave without their daughters.

Friends & NeighborsWork & SchoolFamily & Parenting
life

Occasional Hookups Keep Flame Alive for 10 Years

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 25th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have known "Justin" for 10 years. I'm very interested in him. I'm sure he knows it, but we have never talked about it. Once in a blue moon we "hook up," and I'm usually the one to set the date up.

We're friends on social media, but weeks -- even months -- can pass without our speaking to each other. Justin and I have no mutual friends, so I can't "accidentally" bump into him at gatherings or anything like that.

I honestly don't mind hooking up with him because he's the only one I do that with. But it does hurt when I don't hear from him afterward. What should I do? It's obvious I'm head over heels for him -- he can't be that blind! -- PLAIN JANE IN STOCKTON, CALIF.

DEAR JANE: If Justin was interested in more than an occasional hookup, he'd be the one calling you, and it wouldn't be once in a blue moon. Ten years is long enough to chase an emotionally unavailable man. If this was meant to be, it would have already happened, and you'd be more than friends on social media.

Love & DatingSex & Gender
life

Friends Drift Apart As Lives Take Different Directions

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 25th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'll be 30 soon. My friends and I have drifted apart because we're all in different stages of our lives. Some of us still frequent the bar scene, others have gotten married or dropped off the radar. My closest friend is so wrapped up in "mommy blogs" and all things "baby" that she's no longer able to discuss much else.

I don't have children, and I'm tired of going to bars. I'm in a happy, committed relationship, but neither of us wants to focus on marriage for a few years. How do people connect with others at this stage of the game? -- FRIENDLESS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FRIENDLESS: One way is to expand your interests. You and your boyfriend should join groups and meet people with whom you'll have some things in common. If you're interested in politics, the next two years should give you plenty of opportunity to meet new people. Volunteering is another way to expand your circle of acquaintances. While you won't make dear friends overnight -- friendships usually take a while to grow -- the more people you meet, the greater your chances will be of developing meaningful relationships.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Tmi: College Student Is Too Eager To Announce Virginity

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 25th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old college student who is a virgin. I think this is the time to date people and get a better understanding of who I am and what I like in men. When I tell guys I'm a virgin, they don't want to talk to me anymore. When is the best time to bring it up, and how do I do that in conversation? -- DIAMOND IN THE EAST

DEAR DIAMOND: You may be jumping the gun and announcing your status prematurely. The subject of one's virginity -- or lack thereof -- is relevant at the time when there's a reason to anticipate there will be intimacy in a couple's relationship.

Sex & GenderLove & Dating

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