DEAR ABBY: I always thought that "Lana," my wife of 14 years, and I had the perfect marriage. When I discovered she was having an affair, it hit me like a train wreck. After many weeks of trying to discover who she really is, I found out she has had several affairs throughout our marriage.
I still love my wife and feel I could forgive her and regain my trust in her. The problem is, she says she is trying to recover from her actions, so she can no longer hear about my problems or respond to any of my questions.
Lana is now saying I need to see someone to discuss our issues with. We are already seeing a marriage counselor, but I suspect he is too connected to us as a couple. What do you think? -- LOST IN LIMBO
DEAR IN LIMBO: I think the marriage counselor should have made clear to you and your wife that in order for trust to be rebuilt it takes lots of dialogue and listening on the part of both spouses. And painful as it may be for Lana, she owes you the answers to your questions.
That said, I think she is correct in suggesting you talk to someone individually. With the help of a licensed psychotherapist -- someone who is there just for you -- you may be able to rationally decide whether your wife is capable of being the person you assumed she was, and if staying married to her is the best thing for you.