DEAR ABBY: My dad died in April after a brief illness. Before he passed, my stepmother encouraged him to donate his body to science because she is to be buried with her first husband, and she didn't want the expense of burying Dad.

I went to pick up my father's ashes as she requested. When I got there, she invited me into her bedroom to see that she had made a shrine to her first husband, who had died three years before she and Dad were married. The one photo she had of Dad was 2 inches by 3 inches, and was the one from his memorial invitation.

With a broken heart I made my way to the door. Abby, she was married to my dad for 30 years. He supported her, took care of her, and worked to the age of 75 to keep her happy -- and that was a task!

As I reached the front door, I remembered what I was there for in the first place -- my dad's ashes. They were still in the UPS wrap, in a bench that he kept his shoes and boots in by the door. Seriously, who does that? -- GRIEVING DAUGHTER IN NEW YORK

DEAR GRIEVING DAUGHTER: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your father. Unless he spent the entire 30 years of his marriage sharing his bedroom with the shrine to your stepmother's first husband, inviting you in to see it was beyond insensitive on her part. The only bright side I can see to this is that you're now in possession of your beloved father's ashes, and you will probably never have to see her again.

DEAR ABBY: I am the father of an 8-year-old daughter, "Lindsey." She is my world. Her mom and I split when Lindsey was 2. She has remarried. We are all civil, and things are good.

Lindsey is getting to the age in which sleepovers at friends' houses are happening, which is fine because I know a few of them and their parents. I'm worried about the fathers or older brothers of the ones I don't know. How do you ask or tell an 8-year-old about the dangers of pedophiles without scaring her? This is my biggest fear. -- DAD IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DAD: I assume that, as a conscientious parent, you are not sending your little girl off to stay with complete strangers. Make it a point to meet and talk with the parents of the girls who are having the sleepovers. If that's not possible, your ex should do it so you can both be assured that the party will be properly supervised.

You should also make sure your daughter knows that she can talk to you anytime about anything and you will listen, answer her questions and support her.

I assume that Lindsey's mother has already started the dialogue about the facts of life. Talk to your ex about your concerns and ask what she has discussed with Lindsey about boundaries, inappropriate touching and that Lindsey knows she can come to either of you if anyone makes her uncomfortable. The most effective way to protect a child is to ensure that there is open, comfortable communication on any subject.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl. When I'm with the high school group of kids at my church, I try to extend myself and talk, but they never reciprocate much. I always have to try to think of something to say and be careful I don't embarrass myself. Especially around guys, I feel awkward and self-conscious.

I feel OK about myself, but I still get nervous. Other girls find things to talk about to each other but not me, and guys never talk to me first, either. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or being too careful.

I'm an only child. I get along pretty well with adults, but I have a hard time with kids. I heard you have a booklet about these issues. If you think it might help me, how can I order it? -- UNPOPULAR IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR UNPOPULAR: Part of your problem may be that you're an only child, which can be isolating. If you spend most of your time with adults, it's understandable that you are less comfortable with people your own age. But don't let it stop you from trying to be friendly. If guys don't speak to you first, they're probably feeling as awkward as you are. To smile and say hello is not being pushy. My booklet "How to Be Popular" is filled with suggestions for polishing social skills. It covers a variety of social situations and is meant for people of all ages. To order, send your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. There are tips for becoming the kind of person other people find interesting, attractive and want to know better. (If parents, teachers and clergy know someone needing help in this regard, it might make an inexpensive gift that could help change the course of that person's life.)

The key to being well-liked by both sexes is: Be kind. Be honest. Be tactful. Don't be afraid to give someone a compliment if you think it's deserved. If you think you're not beautiful (or handsome), be well-groomed, tastefully dressed, conscious of your posture. (People who stand tall and smile project self-confidence.)

If you're not a "brain," try harder. If you are smarter than most, don't be a know-it-all. Ask other people what they think and encourage them to share their opinions. If you're not a good athlete, be a good sport.

Think for yourself, but respect the rules. Be generous with kind words and affectionate gestures, but respect yourself and your family values always. If you think "putting out" will make boys like you, forget it. (It won't work, and later you'll be glad you didn't.) If you need help, ask God. If you don't need anything, thank God!

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 27-year-old male, and I have no clue how to read women's subtle interest cues, if they ever display any. I'd like to think they have, given that I put in at least two days a week at the gym working with weights.

Since you are a woman, could you please be so kind as to give this man a clue what to look for? It's driving me nuts! -- AVAILABLE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR AVAILABLE: The most obvious clues that a woman finds you attractive are eye contact and a smile. That's your opening to make conversation. The rest is up to you!

DEAR ABBY: I am a full-time mother of three young children and have been married for nine years. Since the beginning, my husband has pushed to have things "his way." He struggles with his temper and has yelled at me over little things.

We have met with a counselor and were showing improvement in our marriage -- or so I thought -- until he started pushing me to watch explicit sex DVDs and read sex books. I feel very uncomfortable doing this. He claims he wants us to watch them for "educational reasons." He seems obsessed with the idea that we have to get the most out of life now because we are getting older.

I know we have some big issues to overcome and plan to continue seeing our counselor, but do you have any advice? -- STRUGGLING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STRUGGLING: I'm all for getting the most out of life regardless of how old a person is. And I'm pleased that you and your husband are talking to a licensed therapist, because it may help to save your marriage.

Many couples watch "explicit" sex DVDs together because it improves their sex lives. Depending upon the content of the ones your husband is watching, it could add spice to your sex life. But because it is making you uncomfortable, this is something that should be discussed with your therapist so you won't feel coerced into anything you can't handle.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my early 60s. I take good care of myself and have been told I'm attractive. I have been in a monogamous relationship with "Frank" for six years. I love him and he loves me, but I'm not sure I want to marry him.

I know I couldn't live with Frank full-time because even though he's 57, he lives like an immature frat boy. He has sports memorabilia all over his house, and he's messy. There are piles of paper and stacks of clothes everywhere. He is a hoarder, a procrastinator and has OCD.

Frank and I are best friends. We have an amazing physical relationship, but I feel I want more. I don't think he's willing to change his ways at this point in his life. Should I accept this relationship for what it is, or look for someone more compatible with my lifestyle, as hard as that would be? -- TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN: I think you should have a talk with Frank and lay your cards on the table. You say he is a hoarder, a procrastinator and has OCD. If you are right, they may all be connected. His house isn't the only thing that may be chaotic; his mind may be, too.

The good news is there is help for OCD and hoarding -- but only if he is willing to get it. If he is open to it, your relationship could go to the next level. However, if he is resistant and marriage is what you want, it would be better to move on and find someone whose lifestyle is more like your own.