DEAR ABBY: I adore my son-in-law, "Tom." He's a wonderful husband to our daughter. He's always inviting us to dinner along with his parents and family. We get along with them, but can't stand how they treat Tom. We have never seen parents treat their children the way they treat him -- especially the father. Tom is practically begging for his approval and attention on a daily basis.

The last time we had dinner together, you could see the hurt and embarrassment on Tom's face after his father spoke to him. I desperately want to say something to the father, but I don't know if I should. What would you do in this situation? -- DESPERATELY WANTS TO HELP

DEAR WANTS TO HELP: I'd sit down with Tom and tell him how much I love him, how I appreciate the wonderful way he treats my daughter, and say what a joy it is that he is a part of my family. Then I'd tell Tom his father's behavior is uncalled for, and how painful it is to watch because he doesn't deserve it.

I would explain that some people in this world try to control others by withholding affection and approval, and regrettably, it's a technique abusive parents -- and sometimes lovers -- use to exert control over those who love them and want only to be loved and accepted. And then I would ask him if he wanted me to call his father on it, because watching it happen is painful and prevents you from enjoying the dinner.

P.S. Counseling might help Tom recognize what's going on and give him the tools to handle his father, if he's open to it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and feeling so sad because I just lost my dad. I can't talk to my stepmom because she's too busy hanging out with her friends, drinking and partying. My dad died a couple of months ago, and she's already having sex with my dad's friends. I heard them talking about it. I have no other family that I can go to. I really hate her right now! Please tell me what to do. -- GRIEVING IN FLORIDA

DEAR GRIEVING: Please know how sorry I am for the loss of your father. It would be helpful for you to find another adult to talk to about your feelings. Because you have no family other than your stepmother, perhaps the mother of one of your friends would listen and guide you. If that's not possible, and you belong to a church, you should talk to the minister.

Hating your stepmom isn't the answer. She may be acting the way she is because she's trying to cope with the loss of your father by attempting to distract herself from the pain. It won't work, by the way, but she may have to learn that by trial and error. A grief-support group could be helpful for both of you.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: The fast of Ramadan is officially ended. Happy Eid al-Fitr, everyone. May God make yours a blessed feast.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my 30s. Every morning I walk my dog in the park near my house. Each morning I see the same maintenance man in the park and he stares at me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. I have tried saying "Good morning," but he doesn't reply and just continues to stare.

I don't think I should have to stop frequenting the park because this creepy man works there. Is there a way I can confront him about his staring without making the situation more uncomfortable? -- DOG WALKER IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR DOG WALKER: Has it occurred to you that the man may be mute, or perhaps doesn't speak English? Talk to some of the other women who frequent the park and ask if this happens with them, too. There may be an explanation for his behavior, and he may be perfectly harmless.

If you are still uneasy after that, contact the parks department. But I'd hate to see someone lose his job who might be concerned only about whether you're picking up after your dog.

DEAR ABBY: When my son visits me, he stays in a hotel with his family instead of in our home. When he visits his parents-in-law, he stays in their home. His in-laws would consider it disrespectful if he didn't.

He used to stay here before he got married. His siblings and I feel hurt and disrespected, and we also think it is inappropriate. When his siblings visit, they stay at our home.

My wife died 19 months ago. I know if she were here, he wouldn't even think of staying anywhere else. How should I (and my other children) handle this? -- PROUD DAD IN NEVADA

DEAR PROUD DAD: The important thing is that they are visiting and sharing good times with you, not where they stay. I'm sure they have their reasons for wanting to sleep at the hotel. At the end of the evening, they may crave some private conversation. Or, your daughter-in-law may feel uncomfortable now that your wife is gone. The way I would handle it is to simply ask them why, without being confrontational.

DEAR ABBY: When I attended the recent funeral of a family member, I saw someone walk up to the open casket and begin taking photos of the deceased. Then, if that wasn't enough, the person asked the deceased's caregivers to pose by the body!

I feel it was in extremely poor taste. Am I wrong? I know I'll see the "photographer" again at future funerals. -- BAFFLED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR BAFFLED: In some cultures it is not offensive to take photos of people in their coffins; it is accepted, and relatives cherish these last mementos of their loved one. If you follow that logic, then it's understandable that having a photo of the deceased with the people who cared for him or her at the end would not only not be in poor taste, but would be desirable. I don't advise challenging the photographer unless you're sure everyone else feels as you do.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old high school senior who is scared about what's going to happen after graduation. For the past three years I have known exactly where I'll be and what I will be doing in the general sense. Now that I have one more year to go, I'm worried that I won't know what to do or how to do it when I graduate. I have talked to counselors and my dad, but they all say the same thing. Do you have any advice? -- UNEASY IN IDAHO

DEAR UNEASY: Sit down someplace quiet and make a list of what your interests and talents are. If necessary, next year visit the career counseling department of your nearest community college or university and take some aptitude tests. This will give you an idea of what direction you may want to take in deciding what you should do next.

Unlike in generations past, people today sometimes change careers several times in their working lives, so don't be afraid that you'll be stuck in some unpleasant rut forever. The more you learn and the more people you meet, the greater your options will be, so stop worrying.

DEAR ABBY: In 1972 when I was 12, my father found out that I was gay, although that wasn't the word he used. After a severe beating that landed me in the hospital, I realized that to survive I was going to have to live "straight." Eventually I married, and for almost 25 years I was relatively happy. My wife died of cancer five years ago, and now I need to move on.

Can someone my age enter gay society? One thing I have noticed is that it can be more difficult for older gay men than straight. Any suggestions or should I just continue living the lie? -- AT A CROSSROADS IN MINNESOTA

DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: The gay community may be biased toward youth, but that doesn't mean it is impossible to be a part of it. You have "served your time" hiding in the straight world. Contact the nearest gay and lesbian center (lgbtcenters.org) and talk to someone there about your chances of successfully integrating. I'm sure you will be pleasantly surprised because most centers have programs for LGBT people of all ages.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 30-year-old woman. I take care of myself, exercise regularly and have a healthy diet. I'm naturally very thin, and the diet and exercise actually help me to gain and keep weight on my otherwise "skinny" frame.

My issue is people who seem to think my weight is an OK topic of discussion, light ridicule or even harsh accusation (anorexia, bulimia, etc.). I am self-conscious about my "chicken legs" and having a "bony butt." How can I tell people that commenting on my weight is rude without creating an issue or causing drama? -- WEIGHTY ISSUE IN D.C.

DEAR WEIGHTY ISSUE: Of course it's rude, and the comments you're receiving may have in them an element of jealousy. A nonconfrontational way to handle it would be to pleasantly assure these concerned individuals that your doctor has assured you that you are fine. Then change the subject.