life

Teen's Homebody Parents Prefer to Lead a Quiet Life

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 19th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Neither of my parents do anything for fun. When Dad comes home from work, he either reads the newspaper or takes a nap. If Mom has free time after finishing the housework or running errands, she watches the news on TV or goes to bed early.

I never thought it was unusual because it has been this way since I was growing up. But once I was in high school, I started hearing classmates talk about their parents' friends or hobbies and I realized my parents are different. They don't even listen to music or read books.

When I want to go out with friends, my parents act annoyed and wonder why I want to go out instead of staying at home. Are there other people out there like this, or are my folks unusual? -- MYSTIFIED IN MAINE

DEAR MYSTIFIED: At the end of a busy day, many people want to simply unwind rather than look for things to do. Reading the newspaper, napping or watching the television news are some of the ways they do that. While your parents may be more introverted than those of your classmates, I don't think they are particularly unusual.

The question you should ask yourself is, "Is their relationship working for them?" And if the answer is yes, be glad. What's natural for some families isn't for everyone, and neither is their idea of what's fun.

Family & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Student Looks For Way To Stay In Touch With Favorite Teacher

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 19th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl and my favorite teacher, "Mr. Brown," is going to another state with some other teachers to start a new school. I'll miss him dearly because he is funny and charismatic.

We have an average student-teacher relationship, but I still would like to stay in contact with him and see how he's doing. Is there any way I can maintain our relationship and contact him on my own to show that I miss him? -- TEEN IN NEW HAVEN

DEAR TEEN: If he hasn't already left your district, I suppose you could tell him he has been your favorite teacher and ask for his email address. He may be willing to share it with you, but if he and the other teachers are starting a new school, you can bet they are going to be extremely busy and focused on that -- so he may not be able to respond as often as you might wish.

Teens
life

Dinner Invitation Comes With Marching Orders

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 19th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were invited to a friend's house for dinner. When I asked her if I could bring anything, the hostess handed me a cookbook and said she had marked two items I should make and bring. When I looked at them, I was shocked.

She was asking me to bake bread and make a salad. The bread had many ingredients, and I have never made bread from scratch. I don't even own a stand mixer. The salad recipe was also complicated.

Was I unreasonable to decline the invitation? The ingredients alone were going to cost me at least $30, and the stress was more than I was willing to take on. -- AGHAST IN ARIZONA

DEAR AGHAST: I think you cut off your nose to spite your face. All you had to do was level with your hostess and tell her you had never baked bread and didn't have the necessary equipment -- and that you were prepared to make her a simple salad. What was she going to do, disinvite you?

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Son Decides Life on the Open Road Isn't for Him After All

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 18th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: For years, my wife and I were RV enthusiasts. We have a son who was envious about our lifestyle and expressed a desire to own an RV and travel the highways. When we decided to give up the practice, we gave our travel trailer to him as a gift.

The trailer has been sitting on his property for more than a year now and has never been moved. He has kept the license and insurance fees current. He recently told us he has changed his mind and is no longer interested in traveling with it. He has offered it back to us.

We have decided to sell it and wonder what, if any, moral obligation we have to share the proceeds of the sale with our son. Your thoughts? -- HOMEBOUND OUT WEST

DEAR HOMEBOUND: You gave your son the RV as a gift; he is returning it to you instead of selling it himself. While I think it would be generous of you to split the proceeds with your son, I don't think there is any moral imperative that you must.

Money
life

Couple's Pact Is Tested After Love Leaves Marriage

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 18th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 17 years just told me out of the blue that she doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for some time. To say that this came as a shock is an understatement. We've had our disagreements, but we always worked through them, or so I thought.

Because she has felt this way for some time now, she has hardly shed a tear. For me, my heart is broken. I feel lost, confused, angry, depressed and I can't stop crying.

I wish I could die, but we have children and I know I can't leave them. We made a pact years ago that if we ever fell out of love we'd stay together for the kids until they were grown. Now I don't know if it was a lie or if she'll keep her promise.

I'm writing this at midnight, crying in the dark and alone. I still love her and my heart breaks every time I think about it. Please tell me what to do. -- DEVASTATED IN TEMPE, ARIZ.

DEAR DEVASTATED: I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. What you must do now is pull yourself together and find out from your wife when it was that the two of you stopped communicating honestly with each other -- because it seems your paths diverged some time ago. She owes you honest answers, and you need to hear them.

After that, you may have to decide whether you still want her to honor that long-ago promise to stay together until your children are adults. You might find it helpful to stage some of these conversations in the office of a licensed marriage and family counselor. Having a mediator present could make it easier for both of you. While I can't promise counseling will save your marriage, it may provide you with the emotional support you will need in the weeks and months ahead.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Reader Reports Happy Ending to Engagement Ring Dilemma

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 17th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: On July 26, 2011, you posted an answer to "Jittery Future Bride in Boston." I am that woman. I had asked you how to get my boyfriend of five years to use my deceased grandmother's ring as an engagement ring.

I followed your advice and told my boyfriend-at-the-time that I wanted to use a family ring. I spoke with my father about it and checked with my sister to see if she would mind if I used it.

We got engaged seven months ago, and my now-husband told me he had been hoping to take the stone from my paternal grandmother's ring, a stone from my maternal grandmother's ring and one from his family to make a new "joining of the families" ring. We haven't made it yet, but we all look forward to the special meaning that it will embody. We even plan to make a new setting out of the old setting. It's a fairy-tale ending. -- BLUSHING BRIDE IN BOSTON

DEAR BLUSHING BRIDE: Actually, it's more like a fairy-tale beginning. I love the idea. Thank you for letting me know how things turned out. Not many of my readers take the time to do that. I wish you and your husband a lifetime of happiness together.

Family & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Expectant Mom Is Haunted By Death Of Friend's Mother

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 17th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: The mother of a friend of mine died recently. I offered my condolences, and since then I haven't been the same.

I am nine months pregnant, and even though I should be excited and celebrating the anticipated arrival of our baby, all I can think about is that my mother is going to die one day. She's 52, healthy and happy, but I can't get it out of my mind. I have become a different person, crying at the most trivial things and often panicking that Mom's OK. I don't think I could make it through if anything happened to her.

Dwelling on this is affecting my relationship with my husband and my friends. How do I stop obsessing over this? -- ANXIOUS IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR ANXIOUS: A discussion with your OB/GYN would be helpful. By the last months of pregnancy, a woman's body is swimming in hormones. Those increased hormone levels have been known to have a profound effect on a woman's emotions.

The solution to your problem may be as simple as understanding that once your baby arrives and your hormones return to normal, you will be back on a more even keel. If that doesn't happen, you may have to talk with a mental health professional -- although I doubt that will be necessary. In the meantime, your mother is healthy, happy and about to be a grandmother, so dwell on the positive.

DeathHealth & Safety
life

Day Brightener

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 17th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR READERS: A thought for the day: The best exercise in the world is to bend down and help someone up.

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