DEAR ABBY: It has been a year since my mother passed away. The month of February was especially tough because it was the month of her birthday and also the month in which she died.

Mother's Day will be here soon, and I'm already feeling bitter, anticipating all of the commercials, advertising, brunches and everything. I don't want to be bitter about Mother's Day, but I am. How do people typically celebrate Mother's Day when they have lost their mother? -- JODY IN KEARNEY, NEB.

DEAR JODY: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your mother. If you have siblings, you might find it comforting to talk with them about your feelings. If not, then spend the day quietly, being grateful for the precious time you had with your mother and the many lessons she taught you. I can't speak for others, but that's how I have coped with the loss of my mother, and I'm sure others do it, too.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Glen," and I have been dating for two years. Over the past few months he has been pushing me to open a joint checking account with him.

I have tried explaining that I don't feel like it's a good idea until we are engaged. But every time I say no, he gets upset and angry. Am I wrong for not wanting to put our finances together, and how do I make him see my side? -- CAREFUL IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CAREFUL: You are absolutely NOT wrong, and you should not have to justify your discomfort with the idea of pooling your money with anyone to whom you are not married. In fact, Glen should be trying to explain why he is pushing you into making such a foolish decision.

His "anger and upset" are either attempts to bully you into doing what he wants, or a sign of desperation to get access to your hard-earned money. If you are at all tempted to relent, I URGE you to first talk to a lawyer about what the ramifications could be if the relationship went sour.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 15-year-old next-door neighbor who loves to come to my house and visit when my preschool-age grandchildren are here. She always overstays her welcome, staying past the girls' bedtimes.

I know the girl is lonely and doesn't have many friends, but I want some private family time with my grandchildren. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but it is starting to interfere with my visits with my grandchildren. Please help. -- GRRR-ANDMA IN TERRE HAUTE

DEAR GRRR-ANDMA: I feel sorry for your lonely neighbor, who not only doesn't have many friends, but may also not have a grandmother in her life. Your relationship with your granddaughters may be the only taste she has of what this special, loving bond is like.

I don't think you should cut her off completely. However, it is important that you have a private chat with the girl and explain that you would prefer she limit her visits to once a week (or two) because your grandchildren need alone time with you.

TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: A happy Easter to all of you!

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl with a problem. Because of my buzzed short hair, slim hips and flat chest, I frequently get mistaken for a boy. It really bothers me because, despite my haircut and body shape, I have a feminine face and I wear women's clothes and makeup. I'm not too much of a tomboy.

Sometimes when someone addresses me with a male pronoun or in some other way mistakes me for a male, I'm too nervous to correct them. Is there a clever or witty way to correct the mistake? -- NOT A BOY IN BROOKLYN, N.Y.

DEAR NOT A BOY: The person who made the mistake is the one who should be embarrassed, not you. If it happens again, all you need to do is smile and say, "I'm all girl."

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a woman, and I am considering proposing to her. We have discussed engagement rings and she wants to design her own, which I think is great. However, I am unsure exactly what to do regarding the actual proposal. What ring should I give her, knowing that whatever I give her will not be her ultimate engagement ring? -- SOON TO POP THE QUESTION

DEAR SOON TO POP: Marriage proposals happen in many situations and in many ways. There are no rules, and dropping to one knee and offering a ring is optional. The engagement does not begin when a woman starts wearing a ring; it begins when she accepts the proposal. All you need to do is say, "Will you marry me?" When she says yes, you can then decide when you both would like to select a stone for her engagement ring.

DEAR ABBY: A longtime friend asked me to be executor of her estate a few years ago, and I agreed. As time has passed, the details of the estate have changed several times. After the recent death of her husband, she again changed the beneficiaries and is now leaving almost half a million dollars to two animal shelters.

It's her money to do with as she chooses, and I don't judge her. I do, however, have a problem executing an estate that gives that much money to animal care when it could help so many people. I don't fault her for wanting to do it; I just don't want to be part of it. I'm afraid asking her to find another executor would damage or end our friendship. Please tell me what to do. -- DILEMMA IN TEXAS

DEAR DILEMMA: Let's face it. You ARE judging the woman and you DO fault her for wanting to leave a fortune to four-footed needy creatures instead of bipeds. Because you are uncomfortable with her plan, you must tell her she needs to find another executor who is as committed to animal causes as she is. You'll be doing her a favor.

DEAR ABBY: How do I deal with an assistant who keeps calling me a "brownnoser"? She did it again yesterday at a staff meeting in front of my boss and another assistant. It was the third time she has said it. She is gruff and rude, and several people have complained to me about her attitude.

Should I address her comments during her next employee evaluation, or would it be better to speak to her privately? -- THE BOSS IN LAKELAND, FLA.

DEAR BOSS: Talk to her privately and tell her what she said is insulting, not funny and you don't want it to be repeated. Then, put a note about her disrespectful attitude and poor judgment in her personnel file. And by all means revisit the subject at her next evaluation. She should also be made aware that people have complained about her rudeness.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to ask your readers -- especially women -- what is the one thing they feel is "make or break" in a relationship. A few months ago I divorced a man who was so disrespectful I don't think anyone in the world can match him.

As it turns out, I did myself a huge favor. Everything else -- trust, compromise and honesty -- is important in a relationship, but if there is no respect, it falls apart. That is what happened to me.

Abby, am I correct about respect being the most important aspect of a partnership? -- DESERVING IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR DESERVING: I think so, and I'm sure most readers will agree. When people respect each other, it follows that there will be honesty, trust and a willingness to compromise. Without these components, relationships usually don't last -- or they shouldn't.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I spent a lot of money flying to our grandnephew's bar mitzvah. We stayed in a hotel and spent the weekend celebrating with the family.

During the last event, a Sunday brunch, my wife was approached by her penny-pinching sister -- the grandmother -- who asked her to co-sponsor the brunch. My wife, who is naive regarding financial matters, agreed without consulting me.

A few days later, we received an email with an amount that is far more than I want to pay. Had I known in advance, we would have skipped the brunch. How should we proceed? -- ON THE HOOK IN AUSTIN

DEAR ON THE HOOK: Your sister-in-law is a walking definition of the word "chutzpah." Your wife was wrong to obligate you without first making sure you agreed. That said, you have two choices: Refuse to share the cost of the brunch, which will embarrass your wife and cause hard feelings in the family, or grit your teeth, write a check and hope your wife has learned an expensive lesson.