DEAR ABBY: My mother committed suicide when I was a child. She was severely depressed, and although she sought professional help, the worst happened.

When conversing with acquaintances, the subject often turns to family, and I will say that my mother "passed away" when I was young. Most of the time they proceed to ask me how she died.

Abby, this is a personal family matter. I do not wish to reveal what really happened. I usually reply that she was very ill, but some nosy people persist in pressing for more information. How should I respond without being rude? -- LOYAL OHIO READER

DEAR READER: You're under no obligation to reveal personal information that makes you uncomfortable. Simply say, "That's a very personal question, and I'd rather not discuss it." Then change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: Since when has it been considered OK for women to be in men's dressing rooms in department stores? I have seen a lot of this during the last year.

I'm not a prude, and I understand that most men change in private booths, shielded from view of strangers. Still, I am disturbed when I come out of the smaller booth and find women hanging around in the dressing room.

In many cases, I have heard women actually IN the booths with men who are getting dressed, giggling -- or, even more annoying, shouting out orders about sizes, styles, etc. Men are not allowed in women's dressing rooms.

When I have expressed my concern to salesclerks, they look at me like I'm crazy. Am I the only one who thinks women do not belong in men's dressing rooms? -- CIVILIZED SHOPPER

DEAR SHOPPER: I don't know how long it has been between shopping trips for you, but your thinking is outdated. Today some stores have unisex dressing rooms, and men's and women's departments employ both male and female sales associates. It is not unusual for couples to shop together -- and if something doesn't fit, for the spouse to go and find something in the correct size.

While you may not be the only one who thinks women don't belong in men's dressing rooms, I believe you are in the minority.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 46-year-old female cancer survivor. My hair used to be long, thick and naturally wavy. Because of the high-dose chemotherapy and radiation to treat my lymphoma, I lost all my hair. It has grown back, but it's thin, spotty and ugly. I have tried everything on the market, including foams, sprays, expensive hair clubs, etc., but nothing has worked.

Recently I started wearing a wig. It is natural-looking and stylish, and I feel confident again. I get lots of compliments on the cut and color.

My question is, when people ask who my stylist is, I'm not sure how to answer. I have been referring them to a friend who is a stylist, but I feel dishonest. However, I don't want to reveal my secret. What would you do? -- UNDER THE RUG IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNDER THE RUG: Talk to the person who styles your wig for you and explain that you are receiving many compliments. Ask if you can refer other clients -- but express that if you do, you would like the fact that you wear a wig kept strictly confidential. That's how I'd handle it. Hairdressers are privy to secrets of all kinds, and they're very good at keeping them (with rare exceptions).

DEAR ABBY: My 1-year-old baby recently passed away. I have two other children, one with special needs. I find it irritating and not at all comforting when people tell me that "at least I have other children and that I should concentrate on them."

How can I politely tell them that I have never stopped taking care of my other children, and that nothing eases the pain of burying your child? -- MOURNING MY BABY IN PUERTO RICO

DEAR MOURNING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your child. My heart goes out to you.

While I can imagine that you might be tempted to lash out at these insensitive individuals, I hope you realize their comments are made out of ignorance. Sometimes it isn't what you say as much as how you say it. In a case like this, exactly what you have written to me would be an appropriate response as long as it is said calmly and without anger.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was married for eight years before divorcing her cheating husband. They have two children. When my daughter found out about the affair, she was inconsolable. The girlfriend actually phoned her and said, "Why are you so upset? Everyone cheats!"

Now, two years later, the girlfriend is pregnant. My daughter would like a paternity test done before the kids are introduced to this new child. She thinks it would be harmful if they are introduced to a new half-sibling who may later prove to belong to another man. ("Everyone cheats"?)

What do you think about this? Is it wrong for my daughter to want proof that this is her ex's baby? He feels certain he's the father, but he also knows the other woman has kept in touch with her ex-boyfriend. -- JUST WONDERING IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR JUST WONDERING: If your daughter's ex wants to claim paternity without a paternity test, there is no legal basis I can think of to prevent him from being considered the father. While your daughter has reason to be angry at her ex and to dislike the woman with whom he cheated, she can't prevent her children from seeing the baby if he wants them to.

(P.S. You'd think her ex would WANT to know for certain, but it takes all kinds ...)

DEAR ABBY: What is the best way to answer your children when they ask if you have taken drugs? I smoked a little marijuana back in college, but stopped before graduation and I haven't done it since.

My children are about ready to go to high school. I have avoided answering their questions in the past, but I know I'll have to say something sometime. What? -- TONGUE-TIED IN ANYTOWN, USA

DEAR TONGUE-TIED: I don't believe in lying to children. When you are asked, tell them you tried it in college, didn't like it and considered it a waste of time. Then tell them that as long as they are living under your roof, using ANY illegal substance will not be condoned.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wonderful husband for 10 years. My father-in-law, "John," has always been a man of extremely few words with me. He mostly just ignores me when I'm around. I have mentioned it to my husband and mother-in-law over the years, and they say he's just "weird."

Last year, my brother-in-law married a nice woman, "Donna." It turns out that John talks just fine with her. He's not overly chatty, but he's friendly and polite. They had a 20-minute conversation on Christmas Eve, and I don't remember ever exchanging more than three sentences with the man. I'm naturally sociable and easygoing, and I don't know why John would treat me so rudely for so long.

Of course, I'm jealous. I would trade the father-in-law I have had for the one Donna has in a heartbeat. I'm so hurt and angry that I find it difficult to be in the same room with him now. I am seeing a therapist, which helps, but I'm still not sure how to get over this or how to proceed. Can you offer me some advice? -- LIKE I'M NOT HERE

DEAR LIKE: I'll try. There could be any number of reasons why your father-in-law has been unable to connect with you, and I can think of at least one that might have nothing to do with you. Has it occurred to you that this may have something to do with the way he feels about your husband? Sometimes the negative feelings a parent has toward a child can spill over onto the spouse. That might explain his warmer attitude toward your sister-in-law.

However, if that's not the case, then you will have to accept that people don't always have the same level of chemistry with everyone -- and your father-in-law isn't being intentionally hurtful. I have experienced this, and if you think about it, I'm sure you probably have, too.

I'm glad you're seeing a therapist, although I hope the reason isn't your father-in-law. If being around him is uncomfortable for you, then limit the time you spend with your in-laws. That's what I'd do.

DEAR ABBY: Over the past 35 years I have saved all the cards, letters and photographs sent to me by friends. I thought it would be fun to make them into scrapbooks and give them back to those friends one day.

Now that I finally have the time to organize them all, I'm not so sure. They are pre-Facebook. There are lots of letters about their pregnancies, birth announcements, child-rearing experiences and holiday letters.

Can you ask your readers if they would welcome something like this or should I toss them all? It's time to clean house. -- UNSURE IN THE WEST

DEAR UNSURE: I'll put the question out there, but the people who really should answer are the friends for whom you're thinking of creating those scrapbooks. Speaking for myself, I think they would be priceless gifts, but I can't answer for everyone.